


Love in Blood

by Owlie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Awkwardness, Bakery, Discussions of past self harm and suicide attempt, Harry thinks Louis' an idiot, M/M, POV First Person, Plotting suicide, Sorry guys, Zayn's really deep, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2017-12-31 16:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 59,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlie/pseuds/Owlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Everyone deserves a second chance, Harry. You just have to find yours, and then live it."</p><p>Harry's the vampire who can't seem to stop wandering around London late at night, and Louis is the one that got away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Atypical victim

**Author's Note:**

> This is also up under eleganceinviolet on Wattpad because I started this a long time ago. Enjoy.

I suppose by this point in my life I'd just given up on trying to be the good guy. I’d never tried for evil, and in a world where everything is relative, there were others who were worse, but there were definitely more who were better. I’d come to accept lower mediocrity, and though this wasn’t what I’d had in mind when I’d woken up fifty-three years ago with a pain in my neck and a thirst for blood, it could have been worse. The thought kept me going. People were food, I reminded myself. I was a vampire, and for the indefinite but possibly infinite remainder of my time, I would continue to be.

I was wandering through back alleys, searching for a throat to suck dry. It had only been two days since I’d last fed, but I was famished. Turning to my left, I saw a young man alone, somewhere around my age (or at least, the age at which I’d been turned). Inhaling, I felt my fangs extend and knew my eyes would glow bright red (such a contrast to my usual soft green) like the blood I thirsted for. My prey cut across a main street, sensing danger. I continued to stalk him until, at last, his night-time meandering brought him to a dead end.

Dashing to him, I grabbed the boy by his collar, pulling us into deeper shadow. He gasped in shock before I put a finger to his lips, silencing him. I suppose by then he must have noticed my eyes, though I doubted there was sufficient light for him to see the fangs. He squirmed, trying to call for help against my hand. I felt a pang of guilt, but convinced myself that the thirst smothered it, whether or not that was the case.

I’d been still for long enough for the boy to stop his cringing away from me, and I couldn’t deny the impact as his eyes locked onto mine.

I couldn’t look away. I was frozen to the spot, and bit by bit, his dark glare hit me hard, chipping at the wall I’d built over the remnants of my humanity. It questioned, it judged, it mocked. _Is this you?_ It cackled. _Some life._

I broke eye contact, half-stepping back to recover. It was gone, but I couldn’t let it win. This boy didn’t deserve to die, and while I was perfectly aware that I had no right nor grounds to decide that, and that nobody else I’d killed really did either, I set him back on his feet. I’d come to regret it, I was sure, but my uncaring wall had healed. It was enough. "Keep your mouth shut and go home, kid," I said, removing my hand from his face and retracting my fangs. “Let's just pretend this never happened."

He nodded silently, fear and relief in those intimidatingly gorgeous eyes. He ran away.

Well, crap. Now I was alone and hungry, and I'd almost broken the one rule I'd worked my hardest not to break: don't kill the innocent. I knew I was playing God by favouring a shadier-looking prey, but the alternative was to starve to death and I reckoned I'd just massacre everybody I saw if I was much thirstier than this. I tried to maintain a safe distance from the sorts of thoughts that provoked existential crises, so I pretended not to care until I didn’t. It was far from fool proof.

Of course, Zayn would have a field day if he knew about this. I'd always been the emotional one in the coven, and his teasing was relentless. Not to mention that the boy had seen me, eyes, fangs and all, though I couldn't bring myself to care about the risk of exposure right now. All I could think about was his eyes ... and his mouthwatering scent. Right, hunting trip.

I ate the first person I saw while my distance from the situation remained. I didn’t pay any attention to them, and I would have been proud of that if I’d really been there. My mind was about three streets away until the hot fluid was running down my throat and the rest of the world blacked out. I wiped my face and dropped the upper and lower halves of the body in separate dumpsters on the way back to the flat I shared with the boys. Niall heard me unlocking the door and called out a "Hey Harry," in greeting.

"Anything new?"

"Nah, you only left like, two hours ago. What's up? You seem a little ... shaken, I guess."

"Oh, you know me - "

"Felt guilty about killing one, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied, looking to the floor.

"You are so predictable. Just get over it - feeling guilty doesn't change anything, you're still gonna eat them." I was prone to feeling sometimes.

"Sure, but this time… I didn't. I was going to and then I just ... couldn't. There was something in his eyes that just made me think too much, so I let him go."

The Irishman stared at me blankly. "You – um, fuck. Reckon he could recognize you?"

I shrugged. “Probably.”

"I think you'd better take this up with Liam. You know the humans can't find out about us - we'd be killed!"

“Right…” Of course I’d have to speak with Liam. He was the leader of our coven, and our creator. We all looked up to him, but despite his calm, thoughtful nature, I couldn’t help but fear his reaction to the chance that I’d revealed us. There’s a first time for everything, after all.

I kicked off my shoes and padded over to Liam’s bedroom. It was only 11:30, but he was already asleep, from the looks of him. Yeah, vampires sleep. At night, too. “What is it?” Liam grumbled sleepily, startling me.

“Oh! You’re awake.”

“Barely. What’s up, Haz?” he asked, almost glaring at me.

I explained the situation, and his annoyance turned to surprise, then worry.

“You just had to let him go, now didn’t you? Now there’s someone out there somewhere who knows your secret. Okay, we can’t just sit here and do nothing. Obviously you’d be incapable of doing the job properly if I told to get your ass outside and kill him,” I flinched. “and nobody else could be sure they’d found the same person, so by all means, we’re fucked. Thanks Harry,” he said, sarcasm thick in his voice.

After a moment of thought, Liam looked at me, brown eyes boring into mine. “I can’t think of any way to fix this then. If you see this boy again, leave him alone or just feed off him, okay?”

I nodded weakly, secretly relieved I had the option of _not_ killing the boy.

“Good. Now let me sleep.”

“Night, Li,” I called, walking out the door only to find Zayn smirking, having overheard the entire conversation, stupid vampire hearing. I’d thought he was still out.

“Ooh, ickle Hazza’s got a crush!”

“I do not, Zayn. Just because I didn’t kill him doesn’t mean I like him. Come on, he’s human!” I complained. I knew Zayn could be mean, but implying that I fancied the kid was a new low. I’d seen him for like, a minute. That was a stretch, even for Zayn.

“Are you kidding? You didn’t kill him because suddenly you felt guilty about murder. How can I hear _that_ and not assume you like him? Seriously, though, imagine snogging him and then tell me you don’t fancy him.”

I didn’t fancy him, but after even what little time we’d had, he’d left an impression which I hadn’t quite managed to iron out. He… he wasn’t quite like everyone else, at least. I would retain my dignity by avoiding the thought of a kiss. I’d come out as gay to Liam and Zayn years before Niall had been turned, and then told him soon after that. I’d expected bigger reactions, honestly. I reckon they’d already guessed, and it wasn’t like I was alone – Niall and Liam were a couple now, though they weren’t very flamboyant about it. I could tell Niall was standing around awkwardly, waiting for Zayn and I to move so he could get to Liam. I shifted, allowing the blond past and waking from my reverie. Knowing Zayn would assume I’d just returned from a daydream about snogging that human, I stormed past him angrily to my room to avoid _that_ conversation. I truly _hadn’t_ imagined it, but recognizing that he had had some effect on me was even worse.

I shrugged out of my sweater and jeans when I arrived (split seconds later, thank you very much, vampire speed) and lay down in bed, pulling up the blankets around me. It was getting towards the end of September; I knew my summer habit of sleeping in boxers wouldn’t last for too much longer, what with London’s weather. It was a very good place to be a vampire, really – lots of people, dark backstreets and almost constant cloud cover. The sun didn’t burn us, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant and we weren’t quite as strong under its warm glow. I suppose it was because it was a symbol of all that was good in the world, so antonymous to my view of vampires that it just felt _wrong_ to bask in the light. I didn’t deserve it.

I fell asleep to thoughts of deep, cerulean eyes.


	2. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More wandering.

The boy filled by dreams that night. Okay, so “dreams” wasn’t quite right. “Nightmares” seemed more appropriate.

Scenes of following the boy plagued my mind. I would run to him, and every time the dream replayed in my head, I would catch him, hold him up and lean my head in. Then I would wake up, gasping and sweating, fearing for the boy.

After about the fifth time this happened, I gave up on sleep, deciding it was late enough in the morning to warrant leaving the room. My clock read half-six, and I knew Zayn would be up. Liam would be awake, but waiting for Niall, who had a habit of sleeping in. It was quite a brisk morning, for September, with a grey blanket of cloud drawn across the sky just like any other day.

I was still debating it with myself, but I had pretty much decided that, should I see that blue-eyed boy again, I should apologize. I didn’t know how I’d say it, and I couldn’t think of anything to say to him which excused or even explained my, uh, actions the previous night. Something along the lines of, “ _See, I’m a vampire and I was going to drink your blood ‘cause you smelt amazing, but then I saw your eyes and I was like ‘Nah, better not,’”_ wasn’t going to help me here.

My day at the bakery flew by; it was reasonably busy, probably due to the coffee and pastry deal we’d just started advertising. Being frozen at the age of nineteen had its perks, but day-to-day life was really limited to university or a job which didn’t require much expertise and could be left easily if people started to suspect that we weren’t aging. I’d been through uni enough and we couldn’t really afford it, so I would be working here or somewhere like it for the next few years. Fun. Immortality gets boring after just a few years, and after my fifty-three I honestly couldn’t see the point of doing anything. Some say only those who live forever know the meaning of life; how ironic that ours are meaningless.

I went out again that night. I knew I should have been eating (it was really a nightly thing if I only drank one), but I just wandered, thinking. I found myself in the same dead end as the night before, leaning against the wall, staring at the ground. That was where he found me.

“You okay?” he asked, concern evident in his small voice. I suppose my qualms must have been clear in my body language.

I looked up, meeting the boy’s gaze. “No, not really.” Why wasn’t he running? How naïve is this kid? Maybe he didn’t recognise me.

“I guess I should have figured that out. What was with you last night anyway?” Crap, he remembered.

“It’s a long story.” I sighed, staring at the floor, those blue eyes messing with my head.

“I’ve got time.”

“Yeah, well, when I say it’s a long story, I mean you’d understand in three words but I have no intention of saying them. Sorry about almost killing you, by the way,” I added hastily.

“Huh. Guess I should be scared, but I’m not. The name’s Louis,” he said, holding out a hand.

“Harry,” I replied, glaring at the hand until he let it fall. We stood there in silence for a moment, each reluctant to let out the thousand questions I’m sure we had for each other. His lack of reaction to my declaring I’d almost killed him bothered me. “Look, kid, thanks for the attention, but I suppose I’m going to have to put it into words. _I wanted to kill you._ Blunt as it is, you clearly don’t understand the world well enough to know that you should be getting your tiny little ass out of here, ASAP.”

I saw the hurt wash through his eyes, then the anger. “I’m not a kid! I’m twenty-two, for goodness’ sake!” He was older than me? Well, in a way. “I’m being nice enough to stand here with some stranger who I think needs someone; you could at least treat me with a little respect.” He spat the last word.

I didn’t know how to respond. I stayed silent, eyes wide with surprise. This kid – right, _Louis_ – had some nerve. I also realised his ass was really the only thing about him that _wasn’t_ tiny. Smooth move, Harold. Just start thinking about his ass. I looked up to his face to stare into the eyes which were inadvertently responsible for the partial destruction of my life yesterday. So big and blue, open to the world… I had the urge to flick my fangs out and get a better look (yeah, heightened senses with the whole red-eyed thing) but decided it might scare him a bit too much. Oh, screw it, he’d seen me like that yesterday, I’d just keep my mouth shut. It was a little too light – he’d notice the fangs. His eyes widened as mine glowed a bright crimson. Gosh, I could spend my life staring at that gorgeous, oceanic blue.

“H-Harry?”

“Mm?” I mumbled, trying to show as little of my teeth as possible. I knew he knew about my eyes, but I doubted he knew about my fangs and it was never a good thing for somebody to be more clued in to my being a vampire.

“Your eyes… did they just change colour?”

Great, he was paying attention. I nodded.

“Are they usually red or green?” he questioned, curiosity flaring. I hadn’t thought he’d notice the green – most people just assumed they were blue or hazel, green was so uncommon.

“Green, I guess.” I realised this might surprise him; they’d been red for most of the time we’d spent together. He nodded once, unsure how to reply.

“That’s cool. I’ve never met anyone who could change their eye colour at will,” he said, beaming. I smiled back a little, not showing my teeth. He seemed pleased that I wasn’t so hostile. It was hard to be hostile around Louis, I found – I guess it was his whole happy-innocent vibe. I suppose that was also why he wasn’t put off by the eye colour change – he didn’t get that it just screamed unnatural. The red especially; I was dangerous. Nevertheless, he moved a little closer, thinking perhaps that we’d gotten over the stage in which we feared each other.

“You’re a bit of a strong, silent type, aren’t you?” he questioned. I quickly retracted my fangs so I could talk more easily.

“Trying to get me to open up?”

“Well, I think I like you, Harry. I was going to try to get to know you a bit better before I did this.”

Gripping my face in his hands, his lips met mine. Any chance I’d ever had at staying away from Louis crumbled as our lips moved softly together. I wove my fingers through his caramel, feathery hair, surprised he’d made the first move. He flinched a little at my cold touch, but continued the kiss, otherwise unperturbed. He pulled away after a few moments, chuckling a little when he noticed the disappointment etched into my face. At least, that’s what I’d thought. He began to walk away, but stopped and turned to face me again. “Red looks good on you,” he smirked, turning and leaving.

Crap. I hadn’t noticed it, but my fangs had sprung up somewhere during that kiss. He would have noticed. That was another of the awkward things about being a vampire – while flicking to and from vampire mode (as I sometimes called it) was usually voluntary, fangs had a nasty habit of popping up whenever I was angry, or hungry… or aroused. Think I just found a deeper meaning to the word blood _lust_. Yeah, okay, kissing a human was a bit of a turn on – this one, at least. Liam would be annoyed that I’d disobeyed him and concerned that I’d exposed us, not that I intended to tell him. Niall would laugh, but be supportive of my newfound “screw-the-rules” attitude. Zayn would mock me endlessly, mostly relishing in the fact that he was right. It seemed I did have some feelings for Louis. Fabulous.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and returned home as quietly as I could, the ghost of thin lips on mine messing with my head.


	3. Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well shit.

I returned to the flat with an emptier stomach than when I’d left it. When I was just around the corner, I could make out the muffled sounds of bedsprings and Irish moans of “Fuck, Li … so good!” I doubted two things: a) that I would be missed that night and b) that I could handle the noise of someone (or two someones) who clearly had a more successful love life than myself right now. I turned away in search of something to occupy myself with.

As per usual, my thoughts travelled to Lou within a minute or so of wandering for the second time that night. Did he even use the nickname Lou? It suited him. Jeez, almost kill a guy one day and he kisses you the next? My life was really fucked up, and Louis was an oblivious idiot. An adorably oblivious idiot. On the plus side, I’d managed to nearly kill him without scaring him off. I must have had charm. No, it was probably more that Louis was an idiot.

I found myself in a typical terraced street when a caught a whiff of something familiar – or maybe some _one_? I knew I’d only met him twice, but I had a gut feeling that that someone was Louis. He’d been here recently. Following the trail his scent had left for me, I made my way to a modest block of flats three streets away from where I’d first smelt him. Damn, no decent doorman would let me up to watch the boy I’d only properly met an hour or so ago.

I stumbled a little on my next step – had I really been intending to watch the boy sleep? Twilight much, Harold? I wasn’t exactly a fan; I found the films far-fetched and the characters depressing. But I did want to see Louis’ face once more, I just … never had a chance to say goodbye. Mentally wishing him a sound sleep, I flitted back to the flat. I didn’t really have issues with using vampire speed at night; we were too fast for human eyes, especially in the dark. My arrival went unnoticed as Liam and Niall were already asleep and Zayn was … out. Hunting. Again.

While the rest of us killed for food and food alone, Zayn was, well, different. He thoroughly enjoyed this life, particularly the “thrill of the kill,” as he put it. It wasn’t like he would kill random people just because he felt like killing something, it was just that feeding was often the highlight of his day. So it shouldn’t have surprised me the next morning when he suggested we hunt together that night.

“I-um…sure?” I stuttered, startled by the gesture.

“What? I figured you’d be a bit more eager, mate – you look a right mess. How long has it been since you had blood?”

My pause seemed to answer his question. I was pretty sure it had only been two days, but then it had been two days since the last I’d eaten before that and I’d only drank one – no wonder I was weak.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought. Sometimes I wonder if you’re not, like, vampire-anorexic or something. I suppose it would never show – wait, does this recent aversion to blood have anything to do with that blue-eyed kid? I knew you were gone for him!” he snickered.

“His name is Louis and I am _not_ gone for him, okay?” I shouted, aware that he was goading me into this but unable to stop myself.

“Ooh, Louis! Blimey, someone’s defensive – I wasn’t expecting a fang response,” he mocked, eying my fangs. Of course I was angry, he was taking the piss out of me and my Louis, and I hadn’t eaten in days. Wait – _my_ Louis? I didn’t own him. _Not yet._ Oh shut up, brain. I stood there goldfishing as Zayn left, smirking.

“See you at nine!” Zayn called over his shoulder, snickering. Bastard.

***

It was half-nine and neither Zayn nor I had actually eaten yet. The Bradford boy sure was picky – we’d roamed the streets with him casually sniffing at air, searching for a scent that he liked. Hypocritical of me, perhaps, but he was taking his sweet time. He’d insisted on eating first as he thought I could do with a demonstration.

“You need to see a real vamp in action, mate,” he’d said, clearly patronising me even though I was a good twenty years older. Though I had been frozen at nineteen and he at twenty.

We were marching through familiar side streets when the breeze picked up. Zayn turned to me grinning widely, fangs and all. “Dinner is served!” he proclaimed, finally satisfied with a choice of victim.

Zayn flitted towards the source of the scent with me following closely behind. I had to admit, he sure knew how to pick them – my throat ached, the smell was delicious. I flicked my fangs out, it seemed appropriate. Besides, there were two of them, so one each.

They must have been a couple – a man and woman, both young. The woman reached up on her toes, about to kiss the man when Zayn appeared behind her. Winking at her date, he ripped her from his arms and crushed her neck to his face. I took this as my cue, cleanly snapping the man’s neck before sinking my teeth into his flesh. Warmth exploded into my mouth as I drank quickly, knowing the blood would lose its appeal soon after death. That was probably another reason Zayn enjoyed this more than I did – I never ate live, it just seemed too cruel. By now the woman’s screams had been drowned out, though Zayn was still going. He took his time – I was just wiping my face off on the back of my hand when, oh horror of horrors, a slim figure appeared, shock on his face and in his vivid blue eyes.

Louis.


	4. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what it says on the tin.

My jaw dropped, mirroring Louis’ expression. Zayn took a second to notice and fully comprehend the shocked silence, but he did, slowly dropping the almost-drained corpse in his hands, which he held up, trying to show that he meant Louis no harm. It was then that I realised that it was an act. I knew I had about a second before Zayn snapped into action and killed him – it was rule one of being a vampire: leave no evidence. That applied to human evidence.

I launched myself at him before he could attack. Even if he’d tried, he couldn’t have fought me off – I had experience on my side, not to mention size. Pinning him to the ground (he was now frozen in shock from my reaction to his imminent reaction) I looked to Louis, who crossed his arms, looking at me pointedly. “You’ve got some explaining to do.” Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

Oh my GOD he was oblivious. Or stupid. Or suicidal. He should have been running, but there he was, standing above two people he’d just witnessed sucking the life from two others with an irritated and expectant but otherwise calm expression. What the fuck.

“It’s a really long story…” I trailed off, thinking through all the ways I could get myself out of this situation.

“Oh, I think I deserve the three-word explanation to this one. I’m not leaving without answers,” he added, glaring at the two of us. I wasn’t sure what he meant by – _oh_. Of course. It seemed like years ago when I’d told him a long story was just three words he’d never hear. Zayn chose this moment to come back to reality.

“Huh? Do you two know each other?” he asked, eyes flickering between Louis and me. “Get off, Harold.” He squirmed, but understood my glare as refusal. I returned my gaze to Louis. “Sorry about that – I’d say you’re wrong, but the same explanation probably fits both situ-” Zayn cut me off. “ _Oh!_ So you’re the infamous Louis,” he interjected, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Damn straight. Who the hell are you?” Louis replied cockily.

“Zayn. I’d shake but, uh, yeah…”he looked pointedly at me. I figured he probably wouldn’t kill Louis now – Zayn had never been a real stickler for the rules and he would be able to embarrass me more this way – so I released him and stood up. He proceeded to shake Louis’ hand. It seemed as though Lou was waiting for something, and that Zayn’s handshake confirmed it. Huh.

“Alrighty then. Enough of the pleasantries, what’s going on?” Louis questioned.

Zayn answered, disrupting my mental fumbling for a decent explanation. “You saw us. I’m pretty sure you can guess.”

“Oh, I know, I just want to hear you say it. Confirmation, and all. How ‘bout you, Harry? Care to share?”

“We’re vampires,” I blurted. Murderous, bloodthirsty vampires. Zayn nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, finally. I mean, that was two words, but still.”

“How are you not running away? I just admitted to killing people on a regular basis – and I’ve almost killed you before,” I asked, losing my grip on sanity.

“Well, you haven’t killed me yet, and you just ate, so… I figure this is pretty safe. As far as hanging out with vampires goes.” Huh. Kid had a point.

“So where do we go from here?” Zayn butted in. “Cat’s out of the bag, we can’t leave him to blab about it.” Something told me Louis wouldn’t tell, but Zayn continued. “What sort of family situation are we looking at here?” he asked Louis. What?

“Four sisters and Mum a few hours north. I’m all alone here.” I finally realised what Zayn was plotting, and my heart leaped at the thought, only to be squashed back down again.

“Are you sure Niall could handle having a human that close?” I asked Zayn. I knew he planned to drag Lou along with us when we went back to the apartment, but Niall was the newest member of the coven. He was much more affected by blood than we were – he’d only had a few years’ practice at resisting it.

“Yeah, yeah. It would probably be a good experience for him,” Zayn shrugged off my worries.

“Hey! Remember me? Am I getting what I think I’m getting from this conversation?” Louis complained.

“I think so. You’re coming with us,” I said.

Louis sighed. “I guess I don’t really have a choice then, do I? I’m assuming you guys have super strength so running would be pointless?” he questioned, fishing for more information.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Zayn answered, grinning.

“Fangs, too,” Louis noted. I retracted mine and gave him a weak smile. He rolled his eyes at me. “Should we be going, then?”

“Sure, I guess. This way,” I directed, gesturing for Louis to follow me. “Zayn, could you-”

“On it.” He proceeded to drag the bodies in the opposite direction, leaving Louis and me alone. He’d catch up to us after he’d properly disposed of them.

“So…” I began, unsure of what to say.

“So indeed,” Louis mimicked, smirking slightly at his shoes. We were silent for a moment before he spoke again. “Who’s Niall?”

“A mate. He stays with us – so does Liam. They’re, uh, together.”

“Are you all…?” he trailed off, perhaps not as comfortable with the situation as I’d thought.

“Vampires? Yeah. Liam created us, I guess he’s kind of the leader of the coven.”

Louis nodded in silence. Zayn returned, greeting us with a “’sup.” A sudden thought struck me – if we were kidnapping Lou, he was going to have to eat. Vampires didn’t eat human food; it wasn’t like we’d die if we did, we just couldn’t digest it so the only option was to throw it back up later. That was Niall’s biggest problem with the vampire lifestyle – he really missed human food. He’d eaten some after being turned, of course, but had sadly commented “it’s just not the same.”

“Zayn?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“We’re going to have to stop somewhere to pick up some food for Louis.”

“Oh. Right … erm, yeah. Got any cash on you? I think I saw a Tesco’s a few streets back…”

I pulled out my wallet. I only had a tenner, but that should cover enough for something breakfast-y. At least, that’s what I thought – I hadn’t really had to buy food since… uh … Hm. I couldn’t remember. We turned around, trying to find the Tesco’s Zayn had mentioned. After a few wrong turns, we’d found our way to the grocer’s. Stepping inside, I couldn’t help but be thankful that it was a Thursday – the sign said that the store was only open for late-night customers on Thursdays. A little overwhelmed by the fluorescent lights and the awkwardness of not really knowing what to be looking for, I turned to Louis.

“I have ten quid and absolutely no human food at home. Find something for breakfast tomorrow?” I instructed, though my uncertainty turned it into a question.

“Okay,” he agreed, heading over to the bakery section of the store and selecting a loaf of bread and a small jar of strawberry jam. Toast for breakfast, then? I hoped we had a working toaster. Making our way to the checkout, I handed the food to one of the employees who scanned it through. “That’ll be £4.57,” she said, clearly bored with the night shift. Handing her the money, I thanked her and took the change and the bag. “Have a nice day,” she half-sighed, not caring that it was already past eleven and certainly not convincing anyone that she meant it. Most of my days were as monotonous as her voice, actually, so a nice one was unlikely. I smiled a little and left, Zayn and Louis following closely behind.

Zayn let out a sigh of relief. “Holy _crap_ that was awkward,” he huffed as his feet hit the sidewalk. I couldn’t help but agree. “That’s one way of putting it. At least the girl at the checkout didn’t try to make conversation, though. That would have been worse.”

“Yeah, I didn’t even think of that. So what are our plans?”

“Hm?” I prompted.

“Y’know, for tonight, what with the human and all. Assuming Liam lets him in, is he staying with us, or…?”

“Well, he’s sleeping over, that’s why we got him breakfast, stupid. As to how long, I guess we’ll see how this plays out,” I replied. There was a pause, then Zayn spoke.

“Liam’s really not going to be happy with you, is he? First you leave a witness, then you expose us formally, then you bring that same witness home where he will probably bring a lot of pain to Niall, who just happens to be the love of Liam’s life.”

“Ugh. Can we not talk about it? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. And it’s really more your fault – it was you he saw still drinking from someone. If you had a bit of hurry in you, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess,” I added, really irritated by now.

“Oh no you don’t. You started it – you should have killed him when you had the chance. You still have a chance, actually. Go ahead,” he suggested, gesturing to Louis, whose eyes widened. He didn’t speak, though; I suppose he thought that would bring him to the attention of Zayn. I stepped between Louis and Zayn, shielding the human with my body.

“Back off,” I commanded Zayn, death-glaring him with eyes that were now red like hot coals. He shrunk away from my fury. Louis relaxed a little. “Sorry Lou,” I apologized gently, trying to calm myself enough to retract my fangs. The three of us walked the rest of the way to the flat in silence, tension humming in the air. I pressed the button for the lift. We were on the seventh floor, but we weren’t alone on the way up – the was an elderly woman with us. Rather than face the awkwardness of staring at any of the other lift occupants, I stared at the floor, avoiding glancing at the numerous reflections on the mirrored walls.

The nerves really struck me as we headed along the beige carpeted hallway to our apartment at the end. Fumbling with my keys, I sighed. _Here goes nothing_ , I thought, opening the door. “Guys?”


	5. Arrangements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going home.

“Hi Harry, Hi Zayn,” Liam called from the couch. His fingers played with the hair of the blond in his lap, who was more focussed on the television, which was quietly showing a film. One of the _Batman_ ones, it looked like – they were Liam’s favourites. Allowing Zayn and – _gulp_ – Louis in ahead of me, I closed the door, stirring the air enough for Niall (and Liam) to smell the human company. I winced as Niall’s head snapped around, peering over the back of the couch at the source of the scent, fangs out. Liam turned around almost as quickly, shock on his face and worry in his thankfully brown eyes.

“Hi,” Louis began, more calmly than I would have thought possible.

“This is Louis,” I said, as Liam grabbed the remote and pressed pause. “Nobody eat him,” I added, looking Niall in the eye. He closed his mouth as much as he could and stared at a spot on the floor as he tried to relax, I assumed. After a moment he looked to Liam, eyes worried but mostly blue. Liam gave him an apologetic glance before turning to me. Shit.

“What have you done?” he demanded. Yep, he was pissed. I missed calm and thoughtful Liam.

“He walked in on Zayn feeding. I figured we couldn’t just leave him to talk,” I explained, holding my hands in front of me defensively.

Liam sighed angrily. “Is this the same kid as the last time you did something stupid?”

“Yeah.”

“Well why didn’t you kill him, Zayn? Too cute for you, too?”

“Harry pinned me down. I couldn’t do anything when he released me either – you know how quick he is,” Zayn replied.

“You two could pin Harry down while I fed off Louis, if that would help,” Niall offered.

“Shut up, Niall,” I said, scowling a little. It was worse when Zayn was the one threatening Louis, though I wasn’t sure exactly why. “Nobody’s feeding off Louis.”

“Thanks, Harry,” Louis almost-whispered. Liam groaned.

“I suppose I have to let him stay here then, don’t I?” he asked, accepting defeat. It wasn’t like I would’ve let him kill Louis, I’m sure he saw that, and letting him go with our secret was a no go. “You’re in charge of dealing with him, Harry – but if our secret gets out, I will kill him. Sorry, mate, that’s just how it is.” The last bit was directed at Louis. Turning off the telly, Liam dragged Niall over to their bedroom to get him a break from the temptation. I was sorry about that, I knew how hard it was resist human blood in those first few years. Zayn was already making his way to his room for the night, leaving me with Louis.

“That went pretty well,” I commented.

“There may have been a few too many death threats for my liking, but yeah, I suppose I am still alive.” He followed me to the small kitchen as I found a shelf for his jam and bread. “So where am I sleeping?”

Oh! I hadn’t thought of that – it was a three-bedroom apartment, so no guest room, and I wasn’t sure I trusted him enough not to escape if he was out here on the couch. There was always my bed, but that would be weird, if there was such thing as weird among vampire kidnappers. “Hm … I suppose I’ll drag the couch into my room and you can sleep on that.” Yeah, that would be fine.

“Okay,” he agreed, smiling. Huh.

“You’re very positive,” I noted, awkwardly manoeuvring the couch around the hallway and into my room. Vampire strength, maybe, but the couch was still quite large so it was somewhat difficult, though the weight was no bother.

“A lot of people think that about me. I guess my worst-case-scenarios just aren’t as bad as other people’s.”

“Hm,” I nodded, shifting my bed over a little so I could fit the sofa more easily.

“Blankets?” Louis asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Top shelf,” I replied, gesturing to the wardrobe. “You okay to sleep in that? I could lend you some sweats or something…” I suggested, eyeing his jeans. Bright red skinny jeans. Seriously, how many people could pull that off? Not literally. I shook my head a little, trying to chase away the thought while picking out a t-shirt and sweats for Louis. Handing them to him, I backed away and out the door so he could change. I had already been wearing a fairly boring t-shirt and sweats combo, so I didn’t bother changing. Sleeping in boxers seemed impolite, and I’d already pretty much kidnapped Louis. My window didn’t open, so I figured he couldn’t really try to make a run for it. Slumping against the door behind me, I ran a hand through my curls, sighing. What had happened to me? I missed the simplicity I’d had just a few days earlier. Before Louis. And yet, at the same time, I had a feeling that I wouldn’t. Not for much longer. at least. My pre-Louis life had been quite boring and repetitive; maybe this would shake things up a little. Hearing Louis’ hand on the doorknob, I wrenched myself upright, coming face-to-face (well, face-to-quiff) with him. Seeing him in my clothes was strange – it was hard to put my finger on why, exactly, but I liked it.

“Go on, tuck yourself in,” I instructed, smiling just a tad. I waited until he seemed satisfied with his blankets, then flicked off the light and curled up in bed myself. The room was silent for a moment.

“Harry?” Louis half-whispered.

“Yeah?”

“About … um, a few nights ago…”

“Oh, right… that.” The kiss, I assumed. “What about it?”

“I just wanted to apologize, I think. Well, not quite. You seemed to enjoy it.”

I chuckled softly. “Yeah?”

“More so, I was wondering where that left us.”

“Hm… To be honest, I’m not sure,” I replied, thinking hard.

“Well, I suppose I should ask … you do like guys, right?”

“Yeah. How’d you know, anyway? Like, before you kissed me. Why did you kiss me?”

“Powerful gaydar? I don’t know. Like I said then, I think I like you. You hadn’t killed me earlier so I figured, what the hell?”

“What indeed,” I muttered. I paused. “You sure are gutsy.”

“Yeah… gutsy enough to do it again?” he questioned, sneakily climbing off the couch and onto the bed.

“I’d say so.” I pulled his face to mine.

Damn. I’d forgotten how good this was. Louis moved his lips expertly against mine, sucking a little on the lower. Gutsy seemed to be the word of the day, as I swept the tip of my tongue over his lip, asking for entrance. He opened his mouth slightly and I licked my way in. My fingers were threaded through his hair, but he pulled away after a moment, breathing heavily.

“’Night Harry,” he said, worming his way under the covers. I chuckled a little.

“’Night Lou,” I mumbled sleepily in return.

My entire situation was wrong, and yet it felt like the start of something… right? I retracted my fangs, pondering. I had a human lying in the bed beside me. A human who had kissed _me_. Sure, I’d kidnapped him and kissed him since, not to mention almost killed him when we first met, but he’d kissed me. Everything was so far from how it should have been, and I wasn’t going to say it was perfect, but Louis? Louis seemed like a bad decision I’d be happy to have made. I was a vampire, then I let someone go, then he kissed me, then I kidnapped him, defended him from people I’d known for years and now seemed fairly content to sleep beside. I’d screwed up big time, and I sure knew it, but I couldn’t bring myself to care too much because, well, Lou was safe. From me, from Zayn, from Niall, from the outside world… safe. I liked safe.

Smiling contentedly, I squirmed and curled up closer to the smaller boy. There was still a decent gap between us, but I could feel his warmth from where I lay. I released a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding and relaxed into a peaceful slumber, Louis by my side.

***

_I was in that dead end again, the one where I’d met Louis. Certainly familiar territory for my dreams, and this one was the same as always. I’d stalk Louis, corner him and bite him. Well, I tended to wake up before I actually bit him, but the intent was clear. Watching through the déjà vu filled eyes of someone with recurring nightmares, I saw myself do everything I had previously, only this time I did not wake up as I leant my head in to Louis. I had misjudged the angle previously, however; I pressed my lips to his, relishing in his scent – something almost like cinnamon, but distinctly Louis, and…_

Burning.

Huh? Groaning a little as I woke, I stretched, flicking on the light. As I waited for my eyes to adjust, I inhaled. Yes, burning. I got up stiffly and wandered over to the source of the smell. Arriving quietly at the small kitchen we almost never used, I saw Louis fussing about by the toaster I hadn’t been entirely sure we owned. I leant against the wall near the entrance of the kitchen. Louis had yet to notice me – I was pretty quiet.

“Shit, shit, shit…” he muttered, trying to pick his very burnt toast out without burning himself. Tossing it in the plastic bag we’d got from buying that bread (I supposed we didn’t have a bin in the kitchen), he leant back against the counter, sighing.

“Aren’t you humans supposed to be better at this?” I asked, smirking. Louis jumped.

“Yeah, probably.”

I grinned, rolling my eyes. “Did you want me to help?”

“Have you _ever_ made toast?”

I gasped in mock offense. “You’re underestimating my toasting abilities,” I said. “Toast is supposed to be easy to make, anyway.”

“i-I’m not used to the toaster,” Louis whined.

“No excuses. Watch the master,” I countered, grabbing two fresh slices and putting them in the toaster. Admittedly, I could vaguely recall the timer on the toaster not working, so the toast didn’t just pop up. I’d forgotten most toasters did that nowadays. Not that I would give him the satisfaction of an inkling of justification for the charred briquettes in the bag on the counter.

We were quiet for a bit, then Louis asked, “Now I’m curious – _have_ you ever made toast?”

“I work at a bakery, of course I’ve made toast.”

“Really? But wouldn’t it be weird? You guys don’t eat human food, right?”

“We don’t, actually, but it’s never held me back. It’s not like I have to change recipes according to taste or anything.”

“Huh.” We stood there glancing around and trying not to stare at each other. I broke the silence.

“So what are you supposed to be doing now? Like, work, uni…”

“Work, I guess. I just got fired, though – the boss couldn’t afford to pay both Zara and I, the store’s not exactly doing well, and she’s got the experience behind her, not to mention he’d be shagging her if he could.” I had to smirk at that. ”That’s actually sort of how we… erm… met? I was sulking a bit; I tend to wander when I do that.” It took me a moment to realise he was referring to me and being fired. I cringed.

“Sorry I made a bad day worse.”

“Yeah… right…” he mumbled. I turned, peering into the toaster then flicking it off at the wall. Bam. Perfect toast. Beat that, human. I grinned smugly, plucking out the golden brown slices and laying them on the plate with exaggerated showmanship. Louis glared at me. I giggled – the look on his face was almost threatening, and the idea of him being a threat to me… Well, the laughter was contagious; he struggled to keep from grinning back. Gathering myself, I opened one of the drawers and fished out a knife for the jam. Louis had both hands on the jam jar, brow furrowed in his effort.

“Need any help there?” I prodded, mocking ever present in my voice. Lou relaxed his face, trying not to show just how hard he was trying to open that jar, though the muscles in his arms tensed even more. His arms were quite beautiful, really: muscular, but not overly so, and in a really lovely sort-of-tan shade. That sounded sort of racist, actually – point was, the kid had nice arms. Not like his arse, though I hadn’t even seen that properly, but still very, very nice. Returning my gaze to the jar, I leant towards him and effortlessly snatched it from his grasp. He wasn’t weak, exactly, by human standards. I was overdoing it a bit, I knew – I placed the jar gently upon my palm and pinched the lid between my thumb and forefinger, turning it smoothly.

“Shut up,” Louis whined, crossing his arms. I chuckled and let it go, spreading a generous but not ridiculous layer of jam neatly upon his toast. I set the plate at the table.

“Enjoy!” I called somewhat sarcastically, walking out of the room.

“I will, thanks,” he replied in the same tone.

I gathered new clothes for the day then showered quickly while he ate. What would we do today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay longer chapter. give me a week and I'll post the next one. Or just check it out at eleganceinviolet. Your choice.


	6. Son of a...

Shutting off the calming jets of hot water, I sighed, groping around the shower curtain for my towel. I dried myself, still contemplating what to do with Louis. I doubted there was a handbook on how to occupy yourself and some guy you kidnapped. Slipping on a baggy grey sweater and my black skinny jeans, I headed out of the bathroom, shaking out and clumsily arranging my curls as I did so. Turning into the hallway, I saw Louis just finishing his last mouthful of toast. Nice timing.

“Hey Lou,” I called.

He quickly chewed, then swallowed before replying. “Hey, you.”

“So… any suggestions for today’s agenda?” I asked, crossing my arms and leaning against the wall.

Louis furrowed his brow, thoughtfully licking the jam off his thumb. _Damn, that was hot._ “I guess it might be a good idea to stop by my flat and pick up a couple things… other than that, I got nothing.”

“Yeah, okay. Shower’s free if you want one, then we’ll go grab your stuff?”

“Sure,” he agreed, standing and wandering in the direction he’d seen me come from. I heard the door close and lock.

“Clean towels are under the basin,” I called, hearing a muffled “thanks” in reply as the rush of water began. I placed his plate and knife in the kitchen sink, running the tap for a little to rinse them. Unsure of exactly what I should be doing after that, I left them there and flitted to my room. I dug out a set of white Converse and some odd socks then put them on. I fiddled with my necklace impatiently until the water stopped and Louis emerged from the bathroom in the same clothes as last night, cheeks pinker from the warmth. “Should we be going, then?”

“’Right,” I said, smiling.

It was pouring rain outside, but then, when was it not? We walked beside each other, both knowing where to go (not that he knew that).It took maybe ten minutes before we were undercover in his block of flats, dripping on the floor of the lift and then the hallway to his flat. My hair was drenched so everything smelt like rain. Stupid London weather. Louis had his key in the door and a confused look on his face as he tried to turn it. The key turned when he tried the other direction, so he grasped the doorknob and twisted, only to be surprised again as it was locked. “Must have been unlocked before,” he huffed, irritated. “Could have sworn I locked it the last time I left, though.” He furrowed his brow in thought, finally managing to unlock his door.

“Huh. Maybe not,” I muttered, pulling my hair out of my face as the door swung open. I was immediately assaulted by the stench. Rotting flesh, swamp decay, death – no comparison fit perfectly, but it was dark, suffocating and distinctive. I had my fangs out instantly, and Louis safely shielded behind me. “Witch,” I growled, as Louis’ eyes widened in shock, staring at me as though I’d gone mental. She looked as though she was in her forties, with caramel hair down to her shoulders and piercing blue eyes glaring into mine. Louis peered over my shoulder curiously. He scowled at me briefly before referring back to the demonic thing seated atop his sofa and speaking two words I was completely unprepared for. “Hi Mum.”

“And who’s this?” she asked, gesturing to me. The words were layered with sarcasm, though the disgust that seeped through was clear.

“Harry. He’s my, um…” Vampire kidnapper? Recent acquaintance? Not-so-secret admirer? “Let’s just go with Harry.” Yeah.

“What are you doing here?” I snarled.

“The girls had a student free day long weekend so I figured we’d surprise you when you got home from work, I though you worked Friday mornings.” She spoke through me to Louis. I then noticed the three others in the room. They must have been his sisters. The toilet flushed, followed by the noise of someone washing their hands, Another girl appeared from around the corner, though this one was older, fourteen, maybe. She took one look at the situation, then grabbed her nose. “Woah. Shit. Vampire?” She glanced toward her mother for confirmation. “Yes. And mind your language, Lottie.”

“How can you guys smell him? I can’t smell anything funny at all,” Louis wondered aloud.

“They’re witches, Lou,” I replied.

“Yeah. In retrospect, I probably should have told you at least a few years ago, but we’re not really supposed to and the opportunity never came up,” Louis’ mother said. “More importantly though, why is there a vampire visiting your flat? You did know he was a vampire, right?”

“Of course I did, Mum, I’m not stupid.” That was debatable. I relaxed my stance a little, crossing my arms and rolling my blazing scarlet eyes (fangs ready for emergencies – you can’t trust a witch, and there were five right in front of me, though I could sense that the younger three possessed little magic at this stage). “How long has the whole witch thing been going on for, anyway?”

“Oh, since before you were born, sweetie. It runs in the family, though the abilities do increase with age. Fizz has just mastered her sparks, but the twins are just starting to do that.”

“Hang on, if it runs in the family, why aren’t I a witch?” Louis asked with a raised brow.

Louis’ mum laughed. “You’re a guy. I’ve never met a male witch. Not sure why that is.”

“Huh.” He turned to me. “Is it the other way round for vampires? Guys only?”

“No, why would- oh! Right, yeah, no. Pretty sure it’s just witches that are gender specific. We vamps are an equal-opportunities species,” I added, puffing up my chest and cracking a grin at the last bit.

“Pfft, equal opportunities my ass. We don’t get to choose genders. Hardly any of you are girls - there’s, what, four?” Louis’ mum sassed. I could see the resemblance now.

“In England, yeah. There are two in Ireland, I think, and heaps over in the states.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Back to the subject, why were you coming to my brother’s apartment?” Lottie questioned impatiently.

Ooh. This would be fun to answer. “Erm… he knows what I am, so the alternative was for me to kill him. He was going to pick up some of his stuff.” Louis seemed a little surprised by my explanation.

“Well, he’s not going to tell. You can be going now.” Louis’ mum hinted with a sarcastically polite smile.

“Oh… uh, okay,” I spluttered, ever-so-slowly backing out through the door.

“So why aren’t you at work now, anyway?” Louis’ mum asked him, alternating between scowling at me and being interested in whatever he had to say.

“I got fired, actually. Or, well, I was asked to resign so it wouldn’t look as bad, but yeah. The boss finally gave up trying to afford another employee – you knew the store was in deep financial shit, right?” He spoke as though he didn’t much care, but must have been clear on his face that it had affected him more than he was willing to let on. Louis’ mum moved from her place on the sofa to hug him, I think, I was halfway down the hall by then, reaching blindly behind me to call the lift. “Aw, Lou. Chin up – tomorrow can be a big job search. I’ll help you find something nice, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied sadly,

The lift dinged just as the door to Louis’ flat closed. I stepped in, suppressing a sigh as I retracted my fangs. I didn’t know Louis, not really, but I was struggling to face the concept of returning to the boring, uneventful life I’d lived for decades. Change was rare, and when it happened everything was still pretty much the same, just with different scenery. Louis was different; therefore, he was interesting. Welcome to the story of my life – so bland and monotonous that once more, I couldn’t have had more than maybe three shades of grey, even greyer now I’d had a little colour to compare it to. Perhaps one of them was secretly beige. Just the hint of emotion I’d have in memory of the lost colour I’d had so briefly. It wasn’t a happy emotion.


	7. Return

The rain had cleared, but the sky was just as grey and almost as dark as my mood. I’d have stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets if I’d bothered to wear one. Grumbling internally, I crossed my arms and set off for the flat. Some asshole in a blue Audi decided not to stop at a pedestrian crossing and damn nigh flattened me (well, got said Audi flattened by me). I flipped him off - he returned the gesture - and continued on my oh-so-very-merry way, scowling a touch more at the concrete. _Grr._

Facing eternal boredom was not quite as pressing a matter as facing the rest of the coven, however. I didn’t work on Fridays, but Liam and Zayn did. Niall wasn’t quite ready to spend that much time in close quarters with humans, though I suspected Liam was going a bit soft on him, considering he’d had three years. He wasn’t around humans at all – how was he supposed to become accustomed to the temptation? I reckoned he’d hardly notice the smell after a couple weeks getting used to it. It was only the really young ones who had trouble with that. He’d not been awake earlier, but it was almost half-ten so I figured he’d be up when I arrived, playing Call of Duty or his guitar or something. I stepped in the lift, glancing at my reflection in one of the mirrored walls. My appearance was true to my emotions – dark, dismal, rained-on, irritated. I returned my gaze to its usual place: the floor. It remained as such until I reached the door of the flat and had to fiddle with the lock. I heard Niall’s plucking cease as he took a quick breath, assuming I’d have Louis with me. Yeah, I’d thought I’d have him, too.

“Hi,” I greeted tiredly, closing the door behind me. Niall’s face twisted in confusion.

“What happened to the human?” he asked.

“That’s a longer story than you’d think it is,” I warned, procrastinating. He saw through it.

“Ugh. You need to get over this aversion to explaining stuff. Spill.”

I explained.

“That was pretty short, actually. More importantly, I can’t decide which shocks me more – that his Mum and sisters are witches, or that you left him with them.”

“Why is that so shocking?” I had to know.

“Well, you hate witches more than anybody I know and I thought you were pretty attached to him.” I stiffened.

“It was leave him there or kill his mum, Niall. I didn’t really have a choice.”

“You could have picked him up and run with him,” he suggested.

“Bit late for that now,” I said, rolling my eyes. “’Sides, she would have caught up to me if I’d tried the lift.”

“The stairs?”

“I didn’t think of that, okay? Point is, I don’t have him and he’s probably not going to tell.”

“Anyone else would be happy with that. Though I s’pose he does know where we live and there’s some witches around. Look, it’s out of your hands now. Chill.”

“Right,” I replied distantly, plonking down on the sofa. I was a little overwhelmed; I could see my whole future passing by. The realisation that I would be putting up with the same shit for an indefinite but probably very long period of time was daunting, to say the least. I’d never amount to anything – I couldn’t. I’d never grow old, I’d never mean something to anyone, I’d never change and I’d never have a purpose. What was the point of living? I was just using up resources. Worse than that, I just killed people. I’d contemplated suicide before but always had that nagging voice in the back of my head saying “You might miss out on the best time of your life, or the chance to improve someone else’s.” Now I could see it though, as clear as glass: that wasn’t going to happen. I just killed. I sold muffins for a day job, but really, who’d miss that? Who’d miss me?

I thought of this while sitting on the same sofa as my best friend. Okay, so Niall would be shaken up. He’d get over it – so would Liam and Zayn. There wasn’t anyone else who knew me, really. A few people at the bakery, but none of us were close. Louis knew me better than any other human and we’d only met a few days ago. Jeez, it was morbid – I really was meaningless.

The tricky bit would be actually doing it. Short of a stake through the heart, ripping off the head or burning, there weren’t really any ways to kill a vampire. Staking myself would probably be the easiest, though I’d have to find one…

“Are you okay?’ Niall asked, interrupting my plotting. “I don’t think many people would be this upset to leave someone they’d only sort-of-known for a couple days. That is it, isn’t it? You miss the human?”

“Not exactly. More that I’m sick of not having anything to live for. You wouldn’t get it; you’ve got Liam. But I’m not helping anyone by being here, I’m just going to have to face decades and decades of the same stuff,” I explained.

“You need to get a hobby.”

“It’s a bit deeper than that.”

“You’re not…” he paused. “You’re not all freaked out because this reminded you of the thing with your mum, right?”

I froze. I hadn’t consciously thought of it, no. But subconsciously? I wasn’t sure. It probably explained my fragility though. It was how I’d been turned – a witch clan had attacked my house, I still didn’t know why. Thankfully it had just been Mum and I at home at the time. They’d wanted her for something, and they’d killed her, leaving me bleeding out on the kitchen floor after I’d tried to fight them and gotten stabbed. Liam had been nearby. He’d dealt with the witches, then followed their scent to me. I’d have died if he’d not turned me. From then on I’d sworn revenge on the witches and after ten years, we’d almost halved the witch population of England. Things had slowed down, and then Zayn had arrived and we’d sort of given up. I still nursed a grudge, and Niall knew this. Louis’ mum being a witch had presented a bit of a paradox, which, I was sure, was what Niall was referring to. As a witch, she was my enemy, more so than most vampires would say so, even. But I’d also known what it felt like to lose my mother, so how could I inflict that on someone else? On Louis, especially. Louis was special, even if only because he was the one I’d almost killed.

“Maybe?” I replied. Now it did, but the effect was less dramatic than it would have been if I’d consciously thought of it at the time. I didn’t know for certain, but it did seem like the sort of thing that would set the whole fed-up-with-the-world and then suicidally bored attitude. I shrugged.

“I’ll never really understand you,” Niall commented, shaking his head a little as he went back to his guitar.

“And yet you understand me better than anyone.”

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. I sighed and grabbed my book off the small coffee table. I had a few hours to kill before I’d have to explain to Liam and Zayn what had happened. I’d have to tell them in person – Liam didn’t want us texting anything supernatural in case the government read it or something (though I’d convinced him they didn’t even do that in America, let alone Britain) and phone calls could easily be overheard, not to mention the risk of either of them getting fired for slacking on the job. Liam was such a goody-two-shoes, it would be funny to do something like that but he’d know it was me and this wasn’t the conversation I’d use. So I tried to let myself fall into the world of secrets and lies on the pages before me (yeah, yeah, I was reading James Bond again) but it wasn’t easy. After a few minutes of just staring at the patterns made by the spaces between words I gave up, set the book down and went to my room. I tugged off my shoes, flopped down on the bed and dramatically slammed a pillow on my face, intending to sleep until the other lads arrived. What else was I to do, really? Eternal boredom wasn’t an understatement. I fell asleep trying to work out where I’d find a stake. I’d give it a couple days, and I’d probably need at least that to get one but there wasn’t much point to waiting around.

I woke to the sound of someone unlocking the door to the flat. A waves of nerves hit me, though I knew the conversation was unlikely to be as treacherous as the first one I’d had with Liam about Louis. Being yelled at, I could handle. Not very well, admittedly, but I’d cope. I stood up, brushing off my sweater and exhaling in a gust.

“Hey babe,” I heard Niall greet Liam, embracing him as I poked my head out from around the corner. “Hey guys,” I said, stepping into the room with a timid wave.

“Hi…?” Zayn replied cautiously, noting my anxiety. Liam looked up, alerted by his tone. He took in my expression, then frowned, looking around. “What did you do with the human?” he asked suspiciously.

“Long story short, he’s gone back home but we shouldn’t need to worry about him telling,” I summarised.

He sighed. “Just… Go from the beginning. What happened this morning, exactly?”

I gave myself a second to mentally prepare myself for this. “Well, I couldn’t think of anything to do with Louis all day, so I asked him for ideas. He said he should probably go back to his place and pick up some stuff,” I began.

“Like what?” Liam questioned.

“I don’t know, a toothbrush, maybe? Anyway, we went, and when we get there, his door’s already unlocked. So we go in and his mum and all his sisters are there, they had the day off school and popped in for a surprise visit or something.”

“So you just left him there?”

“No, I’m still getting to the good bit. They’re all witches.” Liam’s eyes widened. “She demanded an explanation, I told her the truth, pretty much. Abbreviated though. Then we had to explain to Louis why we hated each other even though we’d only just met and then she was all ‘You can go now,’ so I did.”

“Huh. Well, all’s well that ends well,” he dismissed with a shrug. “That could have gone worse. At least the human’s out of your hands now.” He sat on the couch, grabbing the remote and switching on the telly. Zayn gave me a “whatever” face and joined him. “Right,” I agreed distantly.

And boredom was restored.

 

* * *

 

The weekend passed in a blur, and I received the text from the owner of the bakery late Sunday afternoon.

_From: Brian_

_Try to get here a bit early tomorrow? I’ve got a new trainee starting and I’m relying on you to show him the ropes. Seems like a nice kid, his name’s Louis. Good luck._


	8. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter just because it's really long. It was an apology for 4 weeks without an update to my Wattpad readers but you guys get it now! hehehe...

Under other circumstances I’d have fallen off my chair, or chuckled. I’d read the text while sitting on the sofa watching the footy with the boys, and it’s actually quite difficult to fall off a sofa. The irony of the situation might have been comical to me pre-Louis. I’d still been unable to locate that stake, so of _course_ something interesting would pop up, further delaying my escape. It had been a bit much for me to take in, really, so I’d just stared wide-eyed at my phone screen for what felt like hours. That was another common misconception about immortality – that time seemed to pass more quickly for us. Well, no. Time flies when you’re having fun, not when you’re bored out of your brains doing the same thing for decades, even if you have those decades to put shorter periods into perspective. Also the super-speed and heightened perception made things seem slow in comparison. I’d really only stared at my phone for a minute or so when Zayn interrupted my thoughts.

“Harry! Hello? What’s up, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He raised an eyebrow at me, diverting his attention from the adverts.

“Huh? No, no. Just a text from the bakery, they want me to come in early tomorrow,” I lied smoothly. It wasn’t really a lie, actually, but it felt like one. More of a minor omission. He accepted that for an answer, thankfully. Liam eyed me quizzically, then shrugged, returning to drawing circles on Niall’s back. Niall was completely engrossed in the TV, as per usual. Adverts or not, little else could hold his attention like this. Liam, probably. Maybe his guitar. Blood. That was Niall in a nutshell. If there was something else he should have been paying attention to, he’d often be distracted by one of them.

I’d not yet considered the implications of the text, having spent the time since receiving it trying to wrap my head around the idea that it was happening. Alright, so it might not have been _the_ Louis, as in the one I’d kissed, almost killed and kidnapped. Louis was a pretty common name. However, I did know that his mum had been trying to fix him up with a job and, let’s be honest, given my luck, there was no way it wouldn’t be. Did Louis even know I worked at Bread on the Thames? I could just sense the impending awkwardness. What would I tell the guys? Would I tell them? I figured I’d try to avoid it, though I was certain they’d find out soon enough. I’d have to avoid his mum wherever possible – that was certain. I didn’t even know her _name_ and she distrusted me. Most of all, I’d have to teach Louis the way of the baker. Or rather, how to turn on a mixer, take orders and arrange everything correctly in the shelves behind the counter. Come to think of it, that would be the biggest challenge. The kid couldn’t even make his own toast! How was he to fend for himself by preparing food commercially? Why the hell would he agree to this? Either he’d forgotten how crap he was, or, more likely, he was stubborn enough to try to prove himself after the toast debacle (though not to me; I was sure I’d never let the name of the bakery slip). It was to be a nightmare, but deep down I looked forward to it. The freshly restored boredom was set to crumble, for one, but I was more excited to see Louis again than I’d have cared to admit, more so than I’d thought, even. That was probably a bad thing. Liam had drummed it into me since the start – humans were trouble and witches were double. This had the potential to involve a few humans and several witches if I didn’t tread carefully. Great.

I didn’t speak much for the rest of the night. My thoughts were miles away, but if anyone commented on it, I was a bit lost to notice. It was unlikely, I was always fairly distant, especially since I’d nearly killed Louis. I’d have liked to have been able to say met, but I really only met him that second night and he’d certainly redirected my life prior to that. But it was him as more of an object or concept than a person. He didn’t choose this; I knew where the blame resided. The introduction of Louis to my life instigated the drama, not Louis himself. And even that wouldn’t really have done it if I’d just killed him and gotten on with my day, so there was no avoiding the fact that it was ultimately my fault. I’d completely jumbled up my previously simple life and done who knows what to his. That was the issue with interesting – it was complicated. Just like the question of what we were. I avoided trying to untangle that knot. Labels could be irritating but shying away from trying to figure one out due to the apparent and impending failure felt worse. Probably only because it pertained to me at the time, though. I was pleased to have one for Louis that didn’t involve any guesswork, though it didn’t quite express all the crap we’d been through in the last week or so: co-worker. Assuming the Louis in the text was _Louis_ -Louis.

Seriously, it would be just my luck, like karma or some freaky supernatural shit.

But then it would also be characteristic of my luck to have me obsess over this only to find it was a different Louis. Actually, no. I’d find out for certain in a few hours, at least. I willed myself to sleep after the game, so of course I laid there for like an hour staring at the ceiling. The exhaustion got to me eventually, though.

The dream world was as bleak as my own. I wandered forwards, not because I had to, but like I felt it was something I was expected to do. The never-changing, barren landscape was flat and grey, with a sort of fog that clung close to the ground. Gnarled, bare trees popped up every so often, and I’d have thought I was dreaming in black and white if I wasn’t wearing that purple hoodie. I often dreamt in third-person, and this particular dream was familiar, as I’d had it since I last saw Louis.

Perhaps dream-me felt that, if wandering got him into this, it could get him out.

But I was out. And though I’d probably have lied about it if asked, I craved the liveliness of the change again. Tomorrow morning, I would be back in. Probably. And I welcomed it. _And Louis._ Sigh. There wasn’t any getting away from it – Louis had become the centre of the world to me. When the core had been forcibly removed, I’d spiralled out of the new orbit I’d found myself in and back to the edges of space itself. Tomorrow it would be replaced. Tomorrow would be everything.

***

I woke with a start to the obnoxious chiming of the alarm I’d set on my phone and sunlight streaming in through the curtains I’d deliberately neglected to close. Hissing slightly, I cringed and groped around for my phone, turning off the alarm while shielding my face from the glare. Standing up, I dragged the curtains shut, blinking to allow my eyes to adjust to the darkness again. I sat on the corner of the bed with my face in my hands for a moment, waking up properly and cursing the weather. Whenever I had to get up for something important and not be late, I’d leave my curtains open so the tiny little bit of London sun would give me a bit of an extra kick. Today of all days was, from a human perspective, quite beautiful – clear blue sky, just a little chilly for autumn. For me it meant a horrid wake-up call and trying to avoid squinting at customers. Fabulous. I rubbed my eyes once more and stood up to grab the black button-up and trousers I often wore to work. Uniform rules weren’t strict – as long as it was black and not too shabby, nobody really cared. My mind seemed to have a constant stream of _LouisLouisLouis_ playing on loop as the honestly far too hot (for someone of my temperature, at least) shower water tried fruitlessly to chase away my anxieties and flatten my hair. I was pretty much operating on auto pilot; just like the last few days, my head was in the clouds, only this time I was a little more frantic than my previous semi-vegetative state.

After towel-drying my hair as much as I could and rolling up my sleeves, I figured I was set to go. If I left the flat I would arrive at the bakery maybe fifteen minutes early, but Brian had told me to get there early enough to show Louis around a bit. Not that there was much to show. I was just heading out the door when Liam piped up. “It’s good to see some energy back in you, Haz. Finally readjusting to everything the way it was, and all.” He smiled a little.

I grinned back sheepishly. “Yeah… sure…” I mumbled in reply, offering a small wave goodbye as I stepped into the hallway. When I was sure the door was shut behind me, I sighed, running my fingers through my fringe. Ugh, my life. Collecting myself, I made my way to the stairs. It was early (and, more so, the people at this block of flats were lazy) so I could just run down and not have to wait for the lift. I was always jumpy and energetic when I was nervous. I wasn't sure exactly why I was nervous, but it seemed appropriate and I couldn’t really help it. I walked briskly to the bakery, oversized black Ray-Bans perched protectively on my nose. I’d avoid the sun while I could. It only hurt my eyes but the rest of me didn’t much like it either. Sun. In London. Who would have thought.

At least it wasn’t Florida or Australia, though, that would have been worse. Short of somewhere in Russia, maybe, London was one of the best places in the world to avoid sun. Except today.

Reluctantly removing my sunglasses and slipping them into my back pocket, I turned onto the street of the bakery, blinking a lot and trying to avoid the glare off the murky river off to my side. Despite the name, Bread on the Thames was about one shop away from actually being on the Thames, not that anybody apart from the odd tourist gave a flying crap about it – it was close enough and there were probably more important things in life. I could see through the glass doors that Brian had already arrived, probably to introduce me to Louis and Louis to me. He wouldn’t stick around for long – I’ d had this shift on my own for a couple weeks after the last girl who worked with me resigned. Single-handedly running a bakery on Monday morning was not a particularly easy feat, but I’d managed (just) so Brian had a lot of trust in me now. Easily enough to train a newbie without constant supervision. Mondays weren’t the busiest days so this would be a rather convenient time to fit in all of my explanations.

I let myself in, knowing Brian wouldn’t have kept the door locked. “Hi Brian,” I greeted with a small smile.

“Hey Harry,” he replied, seeming relieved that I’d shown up. I suppose he had a right to be a little apprehensive about today’s imminent happenings, what with Louis’ cooking abilities, not that Brian probably knew about them. Louis wasn’t there yet, so the two of us waited, me returning chairs which had been stacked in the corner by whoever had had the last shift yesterday. Brian left me to work in silence, knowing I’d have read the text and that there was no point in starting any introductions without Louis present. He wasn’t much of a talker, either. About halfway through returning the chairs to their tables, Brian cleared his throat, signalling Louis’ arrival. Any shred of doubt I’d had about this being _the_ Louis disappeared as I laid eyes on the now-familiar person walking towards the bakery. His eyes widened with incredulity as he took in my almost sarcastic smile. He half-skipped the last twenty metres or so, probably wanting the awkwardness of introductions to be over and done with as soon as possible, like me. Or maybe just the walk over. He wasn’t late, we were just early.

“Hi,” he began, quirking his eyebrows and smirking in my general direction. I offered one in return.

“Louis, this is Harry, he’ll be working with you today and helping to train you. Good luck with your first day and all.” Brian gave me a stern face. “Don’t let him screw up.”

“Right.” He eyed me once more before leaving. I sighed.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Louis began.

“Forgot I worked at a bakery?” I asked.

“No, it just never occurred to me that the bakery I would work at could be the same as yours.”

“Oh,” I deadpanned. “Help me with the chairs?”

“Sure.” He picked up a chair and set it at a table. Together we moved a lot faster than I had, though there really weren’t that many chairs.

“So what am I doing for the rest of today?” Louis questioned.

“Well, normally I’d show you around, then give you the safety spiel on working in a kitchen, maybe show you how to make a menu item or two and get you to do that while I handle customers,” I began. “Because it’s just the two of us, you know. If there were other people around I’d let them cook and make you clean or take inventory or something, but someone’s got to cook and we don’t want the new employees scaring off our customers.” Louis nodded thoughtfully. “However, after our last meeting I’m not sure I should trust you with actually cooking.” I cracked a grin. Louis scowled at me. “So I was thinking you take the register and I’ll handle the kitchen. Of the two of us, I’m the chef and you’re the people person,” I finished. I wasn’t quite sure why I was being so formal – it was probably the bakery. I took my job pretty seriously; it wasn’t like I had much else to focus on. This was my area of expertise.

“You mean you’re an awkward fuck and I can’t cook for shit?” Louis sassed.

“Yeah, pretty much. I present thee with thy uniform apron and direct your attention to the kitchen where I must give you my mandatory safety speech. Onwards!” I proclaimed, trying to keep the mood light.

Louis’ eyes widened. “How old _are_ you, really?”

I laughed. “Not that old. Do I have to put a number on it?”

“Nah, if we were born in the same century that kind of takes all of the fun of it. ‘Sides, I reckon it would weird me out a little if I found out you were like sixty but still look like you just got out of school.” Seventy, more like. Seventy-two, actually. He didn’t need to know. He didn’t even want to know. That hurt a little. I laughed off the comment and continued to my prepared list of dos and don’ts. To someone else it might have been dreary, but the shift brought me what I’d craved since I’d first met Louis. Escape. Change. The rituals of boredom I’d had crumbled, and though I was once more trapped in a situation with Louis it was easily better than being trapped in a loop. Nobody was really getting hurt, as long as he didn’t tell and we didn’t get too close. I didn’t mean physically, though that was also somewhat true. Forming close relationships with humans was dangerous. That was usually because they could work out the secret, but in this case the human already knew. Louis didn’t have many other people in his life – I didn’t want to become a major one and then have to leave him in a year or so when we’d move again. I didn’t want to put him through that, though I would have doubted we’d actually make any connection. I’d figured today would be awkward as hell, but I was the awkward fuck, not Louis. It was actually quite difficult to be awkward around him, which was sort of what I needed.

For someone who can’t cook at all in a bakery on their first day, Louis did pretty well. He made appropriate small talk and was polite, and clearly had experience working the cash register. Some of the more regular customers asked about what had happened to me, given I was out back most of the time, but I made sure to stick my head out every so often to check on Louis and help out out front. It wasn’t like I was cooking the whole time, and I managed to get him to arrange some of the food in the display shelves to the side of the counter, but I didn’t trust him to cook any. The girl who used to do this shift with me had been missing for weeks so the customers were used to seeing just me around by now.

It was a quiet morning, even for Monday, but that was a good thing. I was silently a little proud that Louis had handled it well; when I’d first trained Jade, she was hopeless. Not with cooking, so I’d just stuck her in the kitchen pretty much the whole time, but with handling customers. I’d still had to teach her how everything was done exactly, but Louis already knew pretty much everything he needed for register work, so I was lucky this time. I’d escaped the boredom with Louis.


	9. Lies

The grand farewell of Louis consisted of pretty much, “Which other shifts are you doing?” and then “See you Wednesday.” I had been uncertain of how that would play out, but, all things considered, it could have been worse. Actually, I doubted it could have gone any better. Not realistically, at least. Most of the customers had wanted to sit outside and enjoy the sun, so on a day like this I’d usually have been squinting at everyone, but with Louis waiting tables I only had to put with horrid glare whenever I glanced in his direction. By now my eyes, safely covered by my trusty sunnies, were a tad achy. Okay, more than a tad. My glances were frequent. That was one negative aspect of this morning, but the comment about my age was the worst. I’d tried not to dwell on it earlier, but now, walking home, quietly alone, how could I not? I’d spoilt my good mood already. It was really insulting. I might have been around for a while, but it didn’t have to make things weird. This morning hadn’t been weird.

Had it?

It hadn’t been weird for me. As a habitually awkward person, I’d found it to be a nice break from awkward. But Louis wasn’t like me. He was a born people person, and I wasn’t. Hell, I wasn’t even really a person. If I’d found Louis a contrast to my usual boredom and awkwardness, would he have found me a contrast to his usual bounciness and positivity?

I couldn’t be sure the answer was no. I’d thought some of his aura might have rubbed off on me but, then again, maybe not. Only time could tell. I took the stairs again, not taking the risk of running up them as I heard someone far above me. I made an effort to be extra quiet, challenging myself to work out who it was just by the sound of their walk. I might not have been social, but we’d lived in this flat for the last year and a half now so I did know most of the people around here. Not well, but I had managed to guess correctly several times previously when I’d played this game with myself. The clacking of heels on concrete echoed through the stairwell, not quite like any I’d heard before. She must have been a visitor – I liked to think I would have noticed moving trucks if this woman was sticking around. I made it to the seventh floor before the woman did; we never crossed paths. I let myself in, still mentally debating Louis’ take on this morning. Liam and Niall jumped a bit (apart, probably, though I’d taken little notice at the time) and Liam looked at me quizzically. That broke me out of my stupor.

“What?” I prompted bluntly.

“You’re being all distant again. Is something happening at the bakery?” Liam asked.

“No, no. Business as usual,” I lied, dropping a smile at the end. I wasn’t the best liar, but Liam was a very trusting person so I’d get away with it.

“Sure… But what was up with you this morning? You were pretty much jumping everywhere, and now you’re back. Sort of. Not quite. You’re a little brighter, I think.”

“Oh give him a break! He’s finally not moping around. Thoughtful is better than _that_ , right, Li?” Niall butted in, saving me (though his eyes screamed, “later you will spill”).

“Sorry for moping,” I apologized sheepishly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam said with a dismissing flick of his hand, turning to stare into Niall’s eyes again. Called it. I plodded off to my room to think in solitude. My pondering was fairly directionless, but centred around Louis – what else did I have to think about, really?

I still didn’t know what we were. Colleagues, sure, but that wasn’t it. It didn’t tell the whole story. It had been less than a week and the story was already long. We’d kissed. Nothing explained that. Even with a thousand words I couldn’t describe what must have been going through his head. Gutsy can’t have been the whole story.

And how did I feel about Louis? We seemed to get along well, despite my awkwardness. I thought he was fit. I couldn’t see the point in denying that. I liked him, at least. That would have to do for now. As the orange light seeping in under the curtains faded to shade like the rest of the room, I returned to reality. I did have plans for tonight, however boring and typical they may have been. Wandering, of course, but I did have to actually eat something tonight. I was surprised that I’d actually made it through the bakery shift without being tempted by Louis. It was a bit strange really – for the brief moment I’d taken over the register, I’d been more drawn towards the customer in front of me than Louis, who was only slightly further away and smelled much better than that customer. The idea of killing him didn’t really appeal to me even subconsciously, whether or not his blood did. I’d have to go out tonight, probably far out just to avoid the other boys and Louis, should he be wandering also. Until the lads knew, I reckoned I’d have to avoid them as much as possible. But to do so without attracting their attention? This couldn’t last a long time, but I would try to soak up as much of it as I could. I wasn’t exactly sure of their reactions, either. More reason to hide. Or, rather, run away.

A while after dark, I left the flat again. The crisp night air would have been chilly if I wasn’t. The weather seemed to be holding up, which was good. I liked clouds, not rain. I began to run, weaving to find deeper shadow as I headed south-west. It was nice to be able to run again. Stairs were limiting; this was freedom. My curls were flattened by the wind, and though I usually disliked things (people) messing with my hair, this was pleasant. A touch exhilarating, even. I slowed down after a few minutes, eventually stopping. I wandered for what felt like minutes but must have been hours before deciding I had really better get this over done with. Inwardly sighing, I directed my previously aimless travel towards the fringes of the town, intending to dispose of a body or two in a more heavily wooded area. It was that or set fire to a Dumpster and hope nobody noticed before you were safely away.

Hiding amongst the trees, I stood and waited for someone to happen by me. The wait was quick – as was I. He shouldn’t have felt anything: he didn’t even scream, but as the warmth of another life lost, another life taken, filled my mouth, I couldn’t help but wonder how much good this man would have done if I’d not killed him. He could have been a father, or just a faithful friend but I would never know and perhaps the world wouldn’t either. What-ifs were never anyone’s favourite questions to answer but they filled my head now, fluttering about in preparation for the inevitable “what have I done?” I didn’t know this man any more than I’d known any of the others, but the anticlimactic guilt of the end of a meal seemed more pronounced than usual. I shook off the thought, dragging what was left of him deep amongst the trees, dismembering him and scattering the pieces throughout, taking care to mangle the wound I’d left on his neck to avoid suspicion. Murder was complicated, I thought with a sigh. Leave no evidence. _Lead no life_. I found it even more difficult to distance myself from the next three. I hadn’t eaten in days and intended to delay the next trip as much as I could. Each snap, each gulp, each rip built upon my newly discovered pile of guilt. It was a dark night.

The monster in me was content, if a true monster can ever be content. Physically, I’d never felt quite so satisfied since I was turned. I sprinted back home in about half the time it had taken me on the way there. My eyes glowed brightly until I retracted my fangs. Mentally, I was the drained one, the torn one. These people had had friends, families, lives – and I’d taken that from them just to continue my own. Pointless. Endless.

I tugged off my shoes, tossing them aside and curling up on my bed, not bothering to change. I held myself together as I fell apart from the inside. Zayn found me the next morning, clutching my blankets, dried red-brown streaks of bloody tears I didn’t remember crying on my face. He left without a word, and I curled up again, head in my hands. This wasn’t normal, even for me. Since when did I cry over blood? My ability to distance myself from the horrors of daily life had been decent, though certainly not infallible. Now my insensitivity had been chipped away. I’d allowed myself to feel again, and I knew who had taught me how. Louis couldn’t have known he was doing this to me; we were barely acquainted. I knew where the blame lay.

“It’s all my fault,” I muttered softly, as the door opened once more and three pairs of concerned eyes settled on my crumpled form.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just in case, vampires cry blood. And if I stuff up and post the same chapter twice, PLEASE tell me. I've already done it once...


	10. Face value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's past. Look up at some of the tags btw. I don't want to spoil it but, um, yeah. Just check the tags before you read, just in case.

I froze, not daring to return the gazes. _Crap._ How was I supposed to explain this? Had I not had enough already?

After a moment’s shocked delay, I felt a set of arms around me and another two soon after. I used the silence to try to gather my thoughts. It wasn’t much help.

“What’s going on, then, Haz?” Zayn asked softly. I hadn’t expected him to be the first to ask or hold me, but, opening my eyes I saw that he was indeed. We’d never been particularly close, I would have thought Niall maybe…

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I had to decide just how honest I was going to be. Choosing to avoid the mention of Louis as much as possible, I whispered, “So many people…” Niall began sympathetically patting my shoulder. “I just…I should never have…” I broke off with a sniffle, looking to Liam’s pitying eyes. He sighed. “That can’t be it… you’ve never reacted like this before, have you?” Liam prodded. I knew I had to hold it together, and I tried. I really tried, but there’s only so much one can do. I shook my head, knowing he had caught up to this being about last night’s feed. “What did you do? Does somebody else know, or…?” He continued.

“Nobody else knows. Nothing too out-of-the-ordinary. Just… worse,” I admitted.

“What do you mean, worse?” Liam pressed.

“Four, Liam. Four. Four people who didn’t have to die. Four people who had lives to live, jobs to do and people to love. Is that worse enough for you?” I glared at Liam, who shrunk back a little, surprised by my sudden ferocity. “O-oh. I’m sorry,” he said, leaning in cautiously to reassemble the embrace we’d had previously. I shrugged out of their arms again. “Sorry? Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything. What, you think you could have stopped me? You think you should have been around more, supported me as a friend more? I killed them. I lost the will to stop. I broke down crying after _a fucking meal_.” Liam was stunned into silence. So was everyone else. “But you know what? This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you. You did this to me.” I gestured to myself, baring my fangs to make my point. “You would have died! Surely this is better than that. He saved you,” Niall protested.

“Maybe I didn’t want to be saved.”

It was all too much for me. The emotional atmosphere in the room was just beyond my limit. I wrenched myself away, dashing out the door. The last image in my head of them was of Liam’s eyes, mirroring the guilt in mine. It was too early, and it was too light, but I ran. Again. I had no pursuers yet, but I would imagine Liam was the focus of the group now. I’d dealt with my own problems for my whole life; I might have been the fragile one, but he was always the one to question what he did. He needed reassurance. Turning someone was much more significant than killing a few. At least by their standards. I was responsible for that look, that guilt of his. Another thing to add to my list.

My pace slowed to an amble as the unseasonably cold autumn rain pelted down. I might have looked out of place, but by now I was so far beyond giving a fuck about _might_. Did everything really have to be stacked against me? I never had a good choice. Was it too much to ask for a better option? I’d given up on God when I was turned, but now I pleaded to anything out there. G _et me out._ I’d just given up. I never even found that stake. Could I not succeed in anything?

I wandered. I wandered because, really, that’s all I was good for. Harry, the wanderer. Born to walk. Pitiful. Maybe now was the time to stop. I doubted I could find a stake lying around just anywhere, but Hyde Park was always fairly quiet in the rain. I needed quiet – I needed to think things through for once. I turned in the direction of the park, walking more quickly with somewhere to go.

The park was just as I remembered it, but it had taken on a new tone. This was supposed to be a place of nature, and I was a freak, but its non-judgmental bleakness in the pouring rain was soothing. I had walked enough for one lifetime; I found myself a decent, lonely tree and scaled it, perching myself on one of the higher branches, mostly concealed from prying eyes by the moderately dense foliage it sported. I sighed, leaning back against the trunk and rubbing my temples. By now I was drenched, and though it wasn’t exactly pleasant, I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not that I tried.

I thought. I pondered, I theorized, I deliberated, I considered every little possibility but nothing came up. I stayed for hours, assessing and reassessing my life as the faintest hints of orange began to glow through the thinning clouds and finally relenting rain. The weather was getting happier, but I wasn’t. I was worthless, I was a horrible person, I couldn’t do anything right and I finally knew it. I couldn’t see myself any other way, and it hadn’t taken me long to realise that was because that was all I was. I was negative. I wasn’t just not good, I was actively bad and I dragged others down with me. I was a burden to anyone who knew me and many more people I didn’t. I hated that, and that was me. I hated… me.

It was only just after dark when the squelching of footsteps headed in my direction interrupted my realizations. I probably should have moved, but I couldn’t really. Not fast enough and without this person realizing I was there. I curled up, held my breath and willed myself to escape the notice of whoever was approaching. I didn’t really want to have to explain why I was halfway up a tree in the rain.

“You know, it’s a lot harder to try to find someone in the rain. Drowns out all the scent, am I right?”

Zayn? I unwrapped myself to take a peek, staying silent.

“It’s time for you to come home, I think. But… I also think you need to sort this out. So I am here, and I will be until we have a plan to tackle the situation, alright?” he said. It was strange to see him there, after all that had happened. Coming back to reality, I guess. I nodded – I knew he could see me. He climbed up to sit on a branch next to mine, jerking his head to flick his sodden quiff out of his eyes. He must have cared.

“You need to apologize to Liam,” Zayn began.

“I know.”

“He’s… pretty torn up about it. That was a low blow, y’know?”

“I know,” I sighed. “Everything I do I screw up, somehow. He must be worried sick that he’s done the wrong thing and it’s all my fault. I know that. I hate that. You really didn’t need to come if you were just going to rub that in.”

“I know,” Zayn parroted back at me. “But that’s not why I came.” He paused, rolling up his left sleeve and leaning towards me so I could see his wrist. The harsh criss-crossing jumped out at me as he traced his finger over it. I gasped. “Did you…?”

He nodded. “When I was human. Scars don’t heal.” I knew that. “I hated myself more than you do, and so did everyone else. I was bullied. I guess the common perception of it doesn’t grasp that it’s more than just names. It’s the exclusion, the feeling that you’re alone in the world, that nobody’s on your side. After being told you’re worthless for years, you can’t believe you’re not. I was everyone’s problem, and they hated me, so soon enough I did too. It hurt.

“But this hurt,” he gestured to his arm, “this wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t feel the other hurt, and this was so much better. But… better was impermanent. I couldn’t take it anymore. You know Liam found me bleeding out in the bathtub of my apartment at the time – I lied and said it was a burglar who caught me in the bathroom, knocked me out and then slit my wrists. He never had enough of a look around the place to realize nothing was missing, I suppose. He’d never been into my apartment, but it wouldn’t have looked ransacked. I’d taken a lot of everything in my medicine cabinet – I wasn’t sure whether that or the cuts would be enough to get the job done, so I did both. He smelled the blood and came to see what was happening; I was on the first floor, it wasn’t hard. He was walking home from one of your witch hunts at the time – you were wandering.” He smiled grimly. “You were happier then. Not quite happy, but a lot closer to it. Something changed…”

“A lot has changed.”

“But… has it? Really? Something changed, clearly, but I don’t see it, so… Look, I know it’s not going to fix this, but you’re not a bad person. You’re one of the most thoughtful people I know, actually,” Zayn added.

“You don’t know very many people.”

“True. I get that you don’t believe me, really, I do, but there is something or someone out there that will make you believe it. Everybody gets a second chance – mine was a second life, and I’m thankful for it. You just need to find yours, and then live it, y’know?”

The depth of his words struck me, and now I had a much greater insight into why Zayn did what he did. He might have acted macho, but he was just proud to get another shot at living, at being above it, at being himself and maybe… something else?

“Zayn?”

“Yeah?”

“The people who did this to you… after you were turned, did you…?”

“Kill them? No. I considered it, fantasized about it even, but no.”

“Why not?” I asked. It seemed like the sort of thing he would have done.

“Well, a few reasons, I guess. I kill for food, Harry, not revenge. I didn’t want to face the guilt of that, I think, even though it shouldn’t have been any different. What difference did it make to kill someone I’d known as opposed to someone I hadn’t? Part of it was that I didn’t want to fall to their level. I’d just gotten another chance, I didn’t want to waste it for my own satisfaction. That would have made me as bad as them. But the thing that finally decided it was that this was a new life – I didn’t want to spend it meddling in the past. You only live twice, y’know?” A hint of a smirk found its way to his lips.

“Find your second chance, Harry. I know there’s one out there for you, there has to be. Settle things with Liam, and then find it. Come home soon, alright?”

“Right,” I sighed. He left.

How could I really make things right with Liam? I could apologize, sure, and I would, but I couldn’t exactly take it back. Some things can’t be unsaid. Besides, I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I was glad he’d turned me. My life had ended then, even if I’d survived. I could only console him, say he couldn’t have known. That much was true, and it would have to be enough for now.


	11. Reconcile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, shorter one. More insight into Harry's character though.

The rain had cleared sometime during my conversation with Zayn, but my head hadn’t, and I doubted my conscience ever would. About half an hour after he left, I followed. I had to at least try to make this right, even if I paid Zayn’s words no mind and found that stake afterwards anyway. I trudged through the muck and towards the path, slowly weaving my way out of the park. I may have been procrastinating a little, but I did need to think this through, whether or not I’d spent my entire day doing so. I’d have been nervous, or fearful that Liam would take my apology the wrong way, but now I was too busy worrying about never being able to wipe this from our proverbial slate. It was a reason to stick around, however brief. I wouldn’t leave Liam feeling this way; I was probably the only person who could get him out of it – after all, I had gotten him into it.

I could have unlocked the door myself, I suppose, but I knocked. It was a thing of respect, considering I’d pretty much emotionally crushed one of the occupants. A frazzled Niall answered the door with a mildly surprised but detached “Oh. It’s you.”

“It is.” I could tell he was torn between being angry with me for putting Liam, _his_ Liam, through this and pitying me. “Listen, I’ve kicked up enough of a fuss today. Give me a chance to clean up the mess I made. I need to sort this out with Liam.”

“You need to, but does he?” Niall asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I think we do, yes,” Liam’s voice called from his new position behind Niall’s shoulder. Niall shifted to let him speak to me more directly.

“Did you want to take this somewhere more… private? Sorry guys, I just… This is between me and Liam.”

“Sure,” Liam replied, though his tone was wearied. Niall looked to him in surprise. Liam nodded to him and then Niall nodded to me. “Um… outside, maybe?” Liam asked.

“Okay.” That was probably a good thing. The streets of London were kind of my element. Then again, maybe not for Liam.

The two of us spent the elevator ride down in silence, along with the first couple of minutes of wandering. “I wander too much,” I commented.

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Look… I shouldn’t have said that. And I’m sorry.”

“What do you have to be sorry for? I’m the one who did this to you, you can’t deny that.”

“Well, no, but… you couldn’t have known I’d end up like this. If I’d had the choice, at the time I probably would have wanted to be saved, I think.”

“That doesn’t make it right, though. Good intentions don’t save the world.”

“But you never had to. All you tried to do was save me.”

“And I didn’t exactly succeed in that, did I?”

I sighed. “Are you happy you turned me?”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“Well, were you?”

“I… I think so. But now I know you aren’t, so…”

“Just… it’s not your fault. I know what I said, but it’s not your fault, okay? I can’t say I’m happy you turned me now, but, well, you did your best, right? You have a good heart, Liam. Don’t forget that.”

He looked at me then, lightless eyes wanting to believe me. I knew he wouldn’t – in his position, who would? I held my arms out for him, hoping maybe a hug could at least soften his angst. Hesitantly, he accepted. We weren’t on the best of terms, perhaps, and I’d broken him in ways I couldn’t fix now, but considering the circumstances, we were pretty well off. I just hoped one day he could realise that it wasn’t his fault, it was mine.

A few rumbles of thunder were audible, so we did head back to the flat instead of continuing to wander aimlessly. I’d had enough rain already, and I’m sure Liam didn’t fancy a drenching either. We entered the flat without a fuss. Liam left my side in a blur – Niall must have been anxiously awaiting his return, probably pacing in their room, preparing for a big discussion on the topic of, well, me. I sighed, only receiving a pointed “find your second chance” look from Zayn as he passed. That would get old fast.

It was far too early to go to bed, but I really hadn’t anything else to do. Sleep was a lot less strict as a vampire – I could pull an all-nighter and still work without anyone noticing something was off, but also, none of us had trouble sleeping at any time of day, if we wanted to. And with nothing else to do, why not just spend it in a blurred dreamland in which nothing you did would have any effect on anyone else? Admittedly, it was like that when I was awake, too. I suppose we were all lazy teenagers (in one way, at least), so sleep was probably my main hobby.

I didn’t drift off instantly, of course. Not with so much to think about. I was still tossing up the whole “just give up and stake myself” versus “find a second chance” predicament, but soon enough came to a conclusion. The first would probably insult a lot of people whose loose ends I had yet to tie (i.e. Liam, and, honestly, Zayn – only two but, well, two of three), and the second would just be a continuation of the endless, unfulfilling crap I was putting up with already. There was an argument in that – that I’d put up with it before, I could do it again – but from the experience I knew it got harder. I couldn’t do this forever, but I had to give it a shot. I gave myself two weeks. Could I turn my life around in a fortnight? Was fourteen little days enough for anyone to truly change their fate? I was setting myself up for failure, perhaps, but a part of me – more than I’d like to admit – revelled in that fact. After all, what but failure does a monster deserve? I did want to stick to my schedule, so I planned to make sure I was prepared by finding a stake the next day. Actually, finding one was going to prove a challenge; making one would be easier. Not to mention far more symbolic. I’d find a decent branch, oak perhaps (another trip to Hyde Park, it would seem), and whittle it down to a point, carve a rune into it, maybe. I rolled over and curled my arm around to feel around under my mattress. My fingers brushed over the intricate ebony hilt of the witch’s dagger, the one which carried so many strings of unfinished business. Sure, it wouldn’t finish it, but it would help. I pulled it out, examining the gleaming silver blade in the few rays of moonlight peeking around the curtains. It was my last connection to my old life – the weapon at least partially responsible for where I was now. Symbolic indeed that it would be the death of me (indirectly – I’d use it to carve the stake) when it failed all those years ago.

I slid the knife back in its place, lips curled up in a half-crazed smirk. I slept soundly.


	12. Reminder

“…Harry? Harry!” The voice slowly dragged me out of my dreamless slumber. I rolled over groggily and sighed in response. Now was not the time for this.

“It’s Wednesday, mate. You’ve got to be at the bakery in ten, y’know?” I absentmindedly recognised it as Zayn. I nodded wearily until, finally, his words registered in my head. I froze. “Shit.”

In a flurry of movement, I kicked off my duvet, flitted to my wardrobe and threw the doors open. My words to Zayn were grateful but barely discernible as I thanked him for waking me while yelling for him to get out of my room and out of my way. He got the gist and chuckled as he left. I paid him little notice as I silently cursed myself for not stripping down to my boxers the night before. Actually, it had been a long time since I’d changed into this, I had to have worn it for at least two days straight, slept in it twice… Ugh, damned buttons. I really needed a shower but a decent squirt of deodorant was going to have to do. I could get away with wearing the same trousers as long as I hadn’t gotten any mud on them… _Yes._ Finally, something went my way. I shrugged my shirt off, tossing it to the floor, and grabbed the first black top I saw, yanking it over my head. I shoved my feet in some black trainers and hoped for the best, rushing out of my room only to stop suddenly and turn around, almost falling over, as I reached in to snatch my deplorably green apron from its hook on the back of my door. Not bothering to tie my laces or even glance at a mirror to frown at the lopsided mess that was my hair, I ran out the door with a quick “See ya!” to Zayn. He’d be off to the coffeehouse soon, anyway.

I took the stairs again, not wanting to risk a lengthy wait for the lift. I was running (by human standards) and almost managed to knock down an older woman near the bottom. I tossed a quick apology over my shoulder, which she responded to with a displeased scowl. I continued at this pace until the last corner before the bakery, at which I slowed to a very brisk power walk. The lights were already on and the chairs in place as I opened the door to find an unimpressed Louis watching me from the counter.

“Late again, are we, Mr Styles?” he began in the most hilariously pompous accent known to all of humanity. Or… well. I rolled my eyes as he cracked a grin. “I got here early – you’re only two minutes late. I took care of the chairs, so…”

“I’ll be in the kitchen, yeah. Thanks mate,” I said, pulling on my apron and walking over to the storeroom. It was a later shift today – still morning, but we didn’t have to bake the bread. The dough was always made by the last workers of the day, who packed up, took inventory and got everything ready to go for the early morning bunch, letting the dough leaven overnight (though that was usually only five hours - the bakery was known for some of the fluffiest bread in London). Early mornings were a part of the job description; it was one benefit of the loose sleep schedule, at least. I’d have to whip up a batch of muffins in time for the morning tea rush, plus whatever the breakfast customers ordered. That was usually pretty quick though – toast and eggs and whatnot.

I moved about the storeroom with practised ease, peering around the growing stack of ingredients in my arms as Louis watched on, unsure of how or if he should be helping. “Did you want a hand with that?” he asked.

“Nah, this is everything. Except… what do you think for flavour of the day? Blueberry, choc chip or raisin?”

“Oh? Hm. Not raisin.”

I carefully dropped the ingredients on the bench and raised an eyebrow. “What have you got against raisin?” I prodded.

“They’re deceitful. Some kid could come in here and think it was choc chip, which is incomparable, really. One of the great disappointments in life,” he reasoned with a smirk. “The fruit of false hope.”

“So choc chip then?”

“I never said that.”

“Blueberry?”

“Yes, because it’s truthful, well-liked and healthier.”

“I don’t know about healthier. Do you know how much sugar goes into the syrupy stuff we use to get that rippled look?” I objected with a doubtful look.

“Don’t they do that by themselves?” Louis asked, puzzled.

“A bit, yes, but not enough. The syrup keeps them moister, too, but it can make them sweat a bit if it’s really hot.”

“No problem then. How are you not cold, anyway? A t-shirt and jeans in October?”

I sighed and touched his arm briefly so he’d remember I was colder than he. “Oh, right. I suppose it wouldn’t feel cold to you. I’ll go get those blueberries,” he said, gesturing towards the coolroom and then retrieving them while I measured out some of the ingredients and started on the muffin mix. I knew the recipe by heart, though I’d tweaked it a bit over the last few years. Anyone paying close enough attention could probably track me under all of the relocations and name changes simply by that muffin recipe, but it really did work. Most places’ choc chip muffins would be too dry even if their blueberry ones were good, but I knew how to adjust the ingredients and cooking time for each filling. I had Louis watch the mixer while I handled the blueberries, tipping them into a saucepan, smashing them a bit with caster sugar and a little water and then stirring over the heat. When the batter was otherwise done, Louis left the kitchen to write up the specials of the day. The bakery opened and Louis handled the first few customers – I only had to pause my stirring to fry some eggs and bacon (Louis could manage toast when the toaster was set to stop at the right time).

The blueberries were blipping away nicely for a couple minutes before I turned off the stove to let them cool. I didn’t want to overdo them or the muffins would turn purple. Impatient, I decided it was cool enough after two minutes and was lucky enough that the muffin mix didn’t scramble as I swirled in the too-warm berries, poured the mixture into the muffin tray Louis had kindly prepared (with very detailed instruction, I might add) and stuck them in the oven. Nice.

I dusted my hands off on the front of my apron and went up front to check on Louis.

“’Sup, muffins,” he greeted.

“’Sup, Reggie,” I replied, grinning awkwardly.

“Reggie?”

“Yeah, like Reggie… ster. Register.” I sighed. “I tried.”

He smiled back, but genuinely. Mine was not convincing. I’d thought that was funny.

“Are you okay? You seemed a lot brighter on Monday,” he commented.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lie. “Just tired, I guess.” Lie. I’d almost forgotten about everything, absorbed in my cooking, but this had sort of brought it back up. “But don’t call me muffins,” I said, trying to lift the mood again.

“You need a nickname – it’s muffins until I think up something better.”

“Well, did you want me to call you Reggie?” Ooh, comeback.

“I don’t know, do you want to call me Reggie?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. Yeah, we both knew I wasn’t going to. Our almost-glare-off was interrupted by the sound of a customer entering the store. I hadn’t realised how close we’d gotten. I stepped back, brushing my fringe back as he greeted the customer. So it was possible to be awkward around Louis. He’d certainly gone and made my previous plans more awkward. Another attachment I’d have to break. I should’ve started to wind back.

But even I knew I’d choose to enjoy it while it lasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand now you've caught up to Wattpad. Thanks guys. Next one should be out in a couple days. Don't expect fast updates from now on, though. Every week or two usually. Ily.


	13. Improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holey socks.

If what I’d had before my life had turned to shit could be called a routine, I returned to it. Time passed differently again – I supposed anything with limits will reach those limits without fail. I paid attention more, and some clarity returned; it felt as though I was no longer living a dull blur, though nothing external had changed. I brought more vigour to situations now, more energy. Whether that was franticness or enthusiasm was indistinct, unlike everything else.

After I left the bakery, my sort of glow began to fade. It hadn’t been bright, so it wasn’t dramatic, but it did darken with the skies. I knew what I would do, at least. No wandering for the sake of it tonight, I had a job to do. I dropped back into the flat for a bit, dumping my apron in favour of a faux-fur-lined denim jacket. I fetched the dagger and slipped it into the side of my shoe, rolling the bottom of my jeans down over it. It was a little thing; I didn’t notice myself walking any differently.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked. The park wouldn’t do – there was just too much chance of getting caught carving out a branch, and I didn’t fancy a fine in my last days. I doubted I could handle going south again, what with my fragile emotional state. Even I knew it was fragile, or at least avoided what I could which might trigger another meltdown. Why face up to something I didn’t have to, right? North it was.

It would have been nice to do it in elder or ebony – both were traditional woods for a stake. Oak wouldn’t have been bad, either, but as I ran through a large pine plantation, I realized that I’d have a lot less work to do if I just picked one of the trees around me. Screw tradition – it’d be the end of me either way. I slowed and climbed a short way up a sturdy-looking trunk, still damp from the day’s patchy rain. Selecting a branch about two inches thick, I tried to hack it off the tree with the dagger. Failing miserably, I gave up and snapped it off, trying to ignore the uneven feeling of my now torn right sock. I glanced down, thankful that the knife hadn’t damaged my shoe, or at least in any way visible from the outside. My foot was fine, of course. I was just full of brilliant ideas, now, wasn’t I?

I sat down, curling in on myself with the tree trunk at my back. I snapped the branch a little longer than I’d need it and spent the next two hours trying to whittle it into something resembling a stake. Let’s just say I’d never been arty. My runes were surprisingly legible, actually: closure on one side and permanence on the other, closer to its crude point. I balanced it in my palm, examining my handiwork. Death was lighter than it seemed, perhaps.

I left my own bough and dropped with a wet thud to the ground, dusting any wood chips and sawdust from my jeans. I headed home – I was way overdue for a nice, hot shower. I tucked the stake (which may or may not have been a tad too small) in my inside jacket pocket and the knife back in my shoe, having given up on my sock by now. I’d have to get rid of it sometime – knowing Liam, something as insignificant as a holey sock could set him off. He had enough on his plate already, and heaven knows I was responsible for most of it. I’d dump it in a bin on the way to work tomorrow. The poor thing wasn’t worth saving, let alone explaining. Someone would ask. It was like being watched by a hawk. Or three.

Actually, two. Zayn, surely. He might not have been the strict one, but he was perceptive, and far more clued into my situation. Liam… well, it was his job to look out for us. It came naturally to him, I suppose. Leading the coven had instilled a great sense of responsibility in him, though I did suspect that he had always been something like what he was now. No slacker would become _Liam_ just because they’d turned someone. Of course, that’s what had made him such a great leader – Liam’s ability to tune out distractions and actually focus on the wellbeing of the group had kept us out of the reaches of hostile covens and worse. Witches.

A well-laid plan for vengeance never works out without the opposing party vowing their own. We’d been a menace to the witch population, and that wasn’t going to go down without a fight from such a naturally communal race. Liam wasn’t a violent person, but he was a tactician who could be better described as prepared than paranoid, and he’d had decades of battle experience against witches and vampires alike from before he’d turned me. His choice to leave Simon’s coven was not taken well and he’d spent years on the run through much of Europe before posing as a British soldier and joining the troops on one the boats out of Dunkirk. He’d been to France only once since – he didn’t speak much of his past; I really didn’t know much more than the outline. His reticence was well grounded, and I could gather that thirty years had changed his homeland beyond recognition. He preferred to leave it behind him. His accent was non-existent by now, though I knew he remembered the language after a tourist had walked into the bookstore we’d worked at briefly and asked for directions. His reply had been met with gratitude from the Frenchman and a wide-eyed stare from me. “I didn’t know you spoke French,” I’d commented. He’d explained his past that night.

Liam had softened. Time heals all wounds, and though I sensed that Liam still wouldn’t admit the extent of his, we’d grown close. Perhaps time had softened me, too. I attributed the slowing of my life, particularly the witch-hunting aspect, to Zayn’s arrival, but it wasn’t unlikely that such a thing was inevitable, though it might have taken longer. Zayn hadn’t quite fit in with us immediately, and his aura of mystery was cut through only by his razor-sharp eye for people’s true feelings. He wasn’t antisocial like I was, and his presence became routine.

Niall had brought the softer side of Liam to the surface. Perhaps his walls hadn’t been broken down in that Niall probably knew less about his history than I did, but it had been a long time since I had seen his colder, more calculating side conceal his heart. Niall had scraped away the dirt from the window into Liam’s heart, and though it might still have been separated from the world by a thick layer of bulletproof glass, we could see it. I’d known it was there, Zayn had seen through to it and Niall had gotten him to show it. Niall could see Liam’s true colours better than even Zayn, and it was this realization that had finally led me to accept their relationship. Sure, I’d liked Niall, trusted Liam’s decisions and never openly opposed it, but it had taken me until about two years ago to notice the way Niall knew Liam, and Liam knew Niall. Love knows no bounds, even those of time. It was beautiful, but cynic that I was I couldn’t help but think it a tad fickle.

I couldn’t say that Niall was watching me as closely as the others, though. Sure, I’d done something horrible to Liam, but in his eyes defence came before offence. He’d chosen to focus on Liam, protect him, instead of watch my every move to make sure I didn’t do it again. Wise, I supposed – I wouldn’t do that to Liam again, and I knew that if I did, Liam wasn’t the only one hurting. Not that I could; the damage had been done, and I couldn’t repeat it any more than I could undo it, even if I wanted to.

***

I woke before my alarm the next morning. Thunderclaps and pouring rain might not have woken me up any other day, but the grey wandering dream had returned with its skeletal ropes of trees resembling hands gnarled in silent agony and the ever-present sense of purposelessness. It was colder again today – the chill of winter approaching faster than it should have. It wasn’t cold to me, but I could tell that it was indeed colder and that an extra layer would be worth it to avoid drawing attention. I traded my typical button-up or t=shirt for a lighter grey plaid, collar poking out the top of the close-fitting black sweater I’d rolled up the sleeves of. The worn denim of my beloved skinny jeans had seen a little too much mileage, perhaps, but I pulled them on anyway. The knees weren’t ripped through, just the dye had faded to a very dark grey which was closer to brown than purple. I stuffed my sock into the front pocket of my apron, taking a moment to snatch an umbrella from the underused stand next to the door. I took the stairs and heard the same set of unidentified heels with their distinctive click and scuffle somewhere above. Sighing at my newfound ineptitude at my own game, I continued, opening my umbrella just a little too late to avoid the onslaught of what was probably icy rain in the wind which proceeded to dampen the front metre or so of the lobby’s oversized but tacky welcome mat.

Louis wasn’t there when I arrived, but showed up after I’d unlocked and started moving stacks of chairs over to the storeroom. The outside tables were only covered by a canopy, and the wind was strong enough that it made little difference anyway – nobody would sit outside on a day like this. Business would be slow, and I could huddle in the warmth and avoid the world for most of the day. Most of the world.

“Hello again,” Louis said.

“Hey.”

Our silence was drowned out by the pelting rain as we opened up shop inside. I wasn’t going to bother with muffins; we has enough cookies going around as is. The two of us had little to do, and after a few minutes, this dawned on Louis as well.

“So…” he began.

I sighed. “Yeah.”

He looked around, either for inspiration or to avoid my quirked-eyebrowed gaze. It wasn’t quite a stare, and even if it was, it didn’t concern me greatly. “What’s happening in the supernatural world, then?” he asked.

I hadn’t been expecting that. “Erm, not much. Same old, same old.”

“Inter-species war with mass casualties somehow hidden from the mortal world even though, ah, we’re not idiots, huh?”

I snorted. “Seriously? Your first taste of this world and this is your reaction? Nothing of the sort. Like, really. Nothing. At least in Britain, things are quiet. Deathly quiet. It’s a little strange, actually, now I think about it.”

“Huh. Well, that’s sort of boring,” he commented.

“Welcome to my world, th- hey, wait, why are you asking me this?”

“I’m sort of involved now, what with my _whole family_ and all.”

“Yeah, that’s my point. Couldn’t you just ask your mum instead of resorting to ‘possibly hostile parties’?” I sneered a little at the last bit, but he took me as seriously as I meant it.

“She won’t talk. Circled the wanted ad for this place for me and jetted off with the girls pretty soon after you left. Probably doesn’t want to face me after I’ve realised I’ve been lied to my whole life.”

“Not really lied to, more like… I don’t know, deliberately kept in the dark?” I was more consoling Louis than defending her, but it didn’t quite come out as such.

“I suppose. It’s just frustrating, I guess. I don’t want to know everything, but that should have been my decision. I thought we were close, but now I’ve realized we weren’t.”

I hummed in agreement. “You don’t like secrets.”

“I… that’s one way of putting it. It depends on the situation. But usually I do like to know things, yes,” Louis said.

“Hm. So you don’t think maybe the reason she’s not talking to you isn’t because she doesn’t want your accusations, but because, oh, I don’t know, maybe she’s hiding something else?” I prodded.

“Well, mayb- hey! I know nothing and I do not want to be used as messenger, peacekeeper or double agent to anyone. I’m still human – don’t involve me any more than you have to,” he complained.

“Damn. But I’m taking that as a maybe. We’ll keep our guard up.” His eyes narrowed. “Also, you’re about as involved as any human could possibly be. Nobody else knows, just you. For example, does your mum know you’re working with a vampire?”

“Guess not. ‘Course, even if she –“

The sudden crescendo of howling winds and pouring rain coupled with the tinkling bells and scuffling feet of a middle-aged man on his lunch break cut Louis off as the customer entered the store.

“’Morning, lads,” he said with an exasperated grin. “Can I get a toasted ham and cheese croissant to go, please?”

“Sure thing,” I said with a practised smile, turning to the kitchen and preparing the man’s lunch. I had to stand around for a few minutes while it toasted, but it was probably a good thing to not be totally useless today. I could pick up most of the man’s conversation with Louis, though a human might have found it harder. Bitching about the weather. How very cliché. I suppose I didn’t like rain, but I didn’t tend to like people either, so it wasn’t all bad. I brought the wrapped croissant out as Louis processed the man’s credit card. It was a freaking sandwich – it always amused me how humans seemed to use their inventions wherever possible even when unnecessary. I knew he’d have been quicker if he’d paid in cash, but I didn’t say anything. I never said anything. It wasn’t like it mattered. Nothing I’d have to say mattered.

The brief roar of sound faded with my smile as I stared blankly at one of the posters on the walls, idly registering that Liam could translate the French if I asked. Was this really all I could be? Maker of breads, pastries-

“Muffins? You okay there?” Louis asked.

I blinked. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Totally fine. Better than ever.

_Still better than before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. A lot of stuff happened and only some of it was my fault. *sigh* At least it's an update, right? =)


	14. Impact

Friday was boring. In a way, I missed Louis, even if only as a distraction. I suppose by now I took the other guys for granted, but they wouldn’t have been interesting even if they weren’t off working, or, in Niall’s case, out. Somewhere. I didn’t know, he wouldn’t tell me and I didn’t ask because it really didn’t matter to me. So much for best friends – the last few days had driven a wedge between us, and before it’d happened I don’t think I’d have realized how little it would bother me. It _did_ bother me, but I had other lost causes to chase.

Liam was the big one. Actually, there was probably only one cause to chase, even if it looked like three. Zayn wanted me to take a second chance and finding that could show Liam he was right. Niall was defensive of Liam; he’d get over it around when Liam did. They could all be connected. Each was reliant upon another, resulting in a stark difference between success and failure. There couldn’t be a middle ground.

The problem was that any one of these, together or alone, was hopeless. Liam had done the rightest thing he could by me, just I made everything wrong. I couldn’t get him to know that without fixing my own wrongs, and they were so wrong that my failure was inevitable. Maybe one person can change the world, but trying to change my own life with less than twelve days left would be a nightmare for the best of us.

So maybe the time limit was too harsh. But hopelessness didn’t have a time limit either, and I stuck by my reasoning that I couldn’t do this even if I had forever. I’d never been one to commit – I lacked conviction, and I knew it, but this time was different. I’d put up with myself for long enough; I’d been nineteen for fifty-three years. I was old enough to settle down.

Louis was another puzzle piece. Made to fit somewhere, but what proof did I have that he was even for the right puzzle? Everything else seemed to fit together, but he… Louis was something else, something other. It was confusing at best. Hopeless.

The time limits were a comfort, however, when it came to not losing my head over killing. The guilt still ate at me as I fiddled with my key in the hallway to the lift, but it wouldn’t have to last much longer. I probably could have gone for another day or so if I hadn’t cried out so much, and I was bored enough it was almost enticing to just get out of the apartment and wander, though I feared it was becoming a nervous habit of mine. Or, becoming worse. I’d always wandered.

I slipped the key in my pocket and pressed the button to call the elevator. Ten long seconds passed before the doors slid open and I stepped in.

The rain had lessened, but would still make trying to keep track of a scent a pain in the ass. For all I mentally complained about it, the weather didn’t bother me enough to change my behaviour. An umbrella would have been impractical, but a raincoat could keep me dry and blood-free. At least I wasn’t a messy eater. Honestly, I must have gotten a bit of a kick out of my own misfortune; I’d never much liked being wet, and yet I neglected to do anything about it. Masochism or laziness?

A blind hunt. Zayn would enjoy the challenge, despite the uselessness of the sense of smell. The rain wasn’t heavy enough to cut off hearing as well, though it was slightly impaired. For a vampire, anyway. Nothing much was ever a challenge. _Nothing easy was ever worth doing_.

I sighed and began to walk, fangs out, mouth shut. The sensory clouding was almost a relief. I could pick out the sounds of individual water droplets as they hit the pavement, and the insignificant marred the significant. I’d stick close to home this time.

Dinner stumbled out of the corner pub in a dark jacket, leaning against the wall for support. I darted to the alley ahead of him, leaving nothing but a quiet splash in a puddle in my wake. It was dark, and even if he hadn’t been piss drunk, he wouldn’t have seen my hands shoot out to grab him and twist. My teeth were in his jugular before I realized I hadn’t heard the snap of his neck. I drank live, and it scared me a little that that didn’t have any major impact on me. Of course, he was dead within a few minutes anyway, but I’d drawn a very clear moral line in the sand on this. I’d thought that it would last the wind.

This was perhaps the most peculiar thing about my plans: having a time limit changed my perspective on the world. I’d already worked that out, but it was strange just how it did. I was detached, but the world was intense. Keeping the secret distanced me from others, but knowing my time here was definitely finite gave me a sense of appreciation for what I might have taken for granted. I was an observer, and though I knew I should try, I had no effect on what I observed. It was strange.

But it was also not entirely true. My relationships with Liam and Niall were coming unstuck, and Zayn’s wasn’t far off either – I hadn’t really affected him since - but they were no longer the only people in my life. There was Brian, and I didn’t think I could ever not take him for granted, but we’d gotten ever so slightly closer if anything. The biggest change, though, was the one that started it all: Louis.

Sure, we’d distanced after I’d made my decision too, but we’d recovered, sort of. There were times when I had acted almost like my old self around him. I’d forgotten to push him away, and while I’d been caught up in my own self-destructive bubble of doom, he’d… he’d asked me if I was okay. He’d cared enough to ask if I was okay. And maybe the others had tried, but they had an obligation to. Residual impact. Louis had no reason to care. He shouldn’t even be around me after what I’d put him through. Hell, he probably shouldn’t be alive, and the twinge of guilt from that was enough to tell me I was on the right track. To something. Whatever that may be.

We were a fucked up pair, but we clicked. For a small while, maybe I’d thought we hadn’t, but it was as close to clicking as I was ever going to get. We had something, and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to give that a chance.

After nearly half an hour of motivated walking through twisting streets with multiple wrong turns and cursing my sense of direction and the rain, I arrived. The vaguely familiar block of flats rose in front of me, and I paused to reassess exactly how I would get to Louis. The doorman would have seen me before now, so he shouldn’t be a worry. I was pretty sure Louis hadn’t used a key to operate the lift either. It should be simple. I couldn’t help but feel like it was too obvious though – like there would be layers of security trying to keep me from him. Surely I couldn’t just prance in. I was half a mind to scaling the fire escape (it was probably Saturday by now) when I decided to suck it up and walk in.

Eight and a half tense seconds of nothing much filled my walk across the lobby towards the interior fire stairs. The idea of being thrown out scared me a lot more than it should have, though I could have been less conspicuous by taking the lift. I tried to look like I belonged, but I tended to look out of place most of the time anyway. I scaled the stairs quickly, anxious to see him now. I didn’t even know exactly what I was here for, but he would. I’d never given him credit for it, but Louis understood things. Me, even. I couldn’t often fathom his reactions, but in twenty-two years, that boy knew more about how the world worked than I ever would.

My knocking was harsh in the otherwise silent hallway, echoing more than I’d expected. I could hear him shuffling to the door; he must have been awake. It had to be past midnight, and I was working tomorrow (or later today), so he probably would be also. Not the wisest of moves.

The door opened to Louis’ unimpressed face, complete with the signature raised eyebrow. _Are you fucking kidding me?_ I took a quick breath, then stuck out my hand with a sheepish grin.

”Hello, I’m Harry Styles,” I said, breathless.

“Louis Tomlinson,” he replied, shaking my hand suspiciously. “What brought this on?”

“It’s a long story.” Louis glared. “Which I guess I have to tell you now.”

“Mmhm.” He nodded.

“Great. Well, that didn’t go to plan.”

“No, probably not. You really don’t like explaining yourself, do you?”

“Not when I can avoid it.”

He yawned. “It’s late, and we both have to be up early tomorrow. I should be kicking you out.”

“You just asked for an explanation. We both know that’s not happening,” I commented.

“True,” he conceded, letting me in. It was dark, the only light coming from the muted television. I didn’t recognise the programme. He sat on the sofa, gesturing for me to do the same. He curled his legs up under himself and shifted around a bit to find a comfortable position. “So, Muffins, what’s on your mind?”

 _If only you knew._ I sighed. I was here for him, really. But that wasn’t an appropriate conversation starter here. “I feel like we got off to a pretty crappy start.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. I was hoping we could retry that.”

“I think we might be over that by now.”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t think that’s what you came here for.”

“No.”

He sighed. “So let’s try this again. Why are you here?”

Screw it. “I’m here for you.”

“Well, duh.” What? I mean, it _was_ obvious, but what else could he mean? “What do want from me? You’re obviously not just popping in on a friend – we’ve known each other for what, a week? Two?”

“Something like that. I… I really don’t know how to put it,” I admitted.

“Great. How about we start from, uh, the beginning?”

“The beginning?”

“Yeah, y’know, you kind of seem like you’re in the middle of sort of existential crisis, and as much experience as I have with those, I need to know a bit more about your existence to help with it. So, the beginning.” Louis looked at me expectantly. That boy saw too much for his own good.

“Right… Well, you remember the day I almost killed you right?” I asked.

“Vividly. Continue.”

“I made a mistake that day.”

“Well, shit.”

“Huh?” He’d lost me. Again.

“Oh, so you’re not going to kill me? Right, forget I said anything. Go on,”

“Sorry. I made a mistake that day, and since, my life has fallen apart. You never asked why I didn’t kill you, and I’m not entirely sure myself. I thought I saw something in you. It was in your eyes… you weren’t… you didn’t deserve it. You were the first human I saw as a person. Sure, I knew they felt pain, had families, people who loved them, people who, by all means, should hate me, but you have to understand, Louis: I wasn’t human. And to me, nobody else was either. You’d think it would take time, getting used to the killing. Adapting to the life and guilt of a murderer, one who would inevitably have the blood of thousands on his hands. It doesn’t. It didn’t for me. That disappears as soon as you change, and if you want it back, you have to fight for it. But you… One look in your eyes, and I cracked. You brought it back, Lou. It gets worse the more I’m around you. I can feel again, and it hurts.

“I got over it, sort of, but it did come back. And then you kissed me.”

He swallowed. “Yeah…”

“I… You said you liked me. That can’t have been it. I tried to _kill_ you, Louis. We’d spoken for a few minutes at most, we were complete strangers, you knew I could kill you easily - fuck powerful gaydar, what were you _really_ thinking?” I asked.

Louis sighed. “I’m not going to get to bed at all, am I?” I shook my head.

 “I’d rather get this done in one night, if that’s okay with you.”

“Me too. Mind if I make myself a coffee?” I could tell he was stalling, but he would need it. He would answer me soon enough either way. “Go ahead. I didn’t really have you pictured as the coffee type – you seem pretty hyped up on your own.”

He turned on the kitchen light, smiling. “I’m more of a tea guy, but it really has nowhere near as much caffeine – sometimes we all need it. Does caffeine even affect vampires?”

“I dunno, never tried it. Probably not: we don’t absorb the alcohol from someone drunk, so I figure it would work the same for someone who’d just had a triple espresso.”

“Fair enough,” he said. There was a pause, than he sat down with his mug and sipped at it.

“So… the kiss.”

“Yeah, that. I suppose I must come across as a bit of an idiot, but I did tell you why I was wandering around that night. I’d just gotten fired.”

“Wait, I thought you said that was the first night. The Tuesday.”

“We didn’t really _meet_ then. You just failed to kill me.”

“Touché,” I replied.

“See, something you’ll come to notice about me, I tend to trust my gut. It’s worked for me in the past. You were there, tall, dark, handsome, and I… The worst that could have happened would only have been me dying. You don’t come across as cruel, you know. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t do it; you’d already had your chance, but if you did, well, I’d just lost the biggest thing tying me here. Worst case scenario, I kiss you, you kill me, right?”

That was a little close for comfort. “But what about your sisters?” I asked.

“They’d get on without me okay. We used to be closer, but… not anymore. I guess I know why now. And I was right. You didn’t kill me,” Louis mused.

“Lucky.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Even us? Part of some, what, bigger plan? We’re messed up, Lou. It’d never work.”

He shifted closer. “But that’s exactly why it would.”

I sighed. _Maybe this is what I need._ He could be the second chance. He set down his mug, pinning it between his thigh and the back of the sofa. Louis looked up at me then, the question in his eyes, the blue catching the light and glowing subtly. “So what do you say?”

I took a breath, squashing my nerves, my worries, my better judgement into the deepest corner of my dark mind. “I say… yes.”

And then my lips were on his, and it was quite possibly the best decision I had ever made.


	15. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cameo... hehehehehehehe sort of fluffy sorry but important for development

It is perhaps the intrinsic beauty of dawn that it sheds light on all which is to be seen. I didn’t notice the sun, cuddled up on Louis’ sofa as I was. It’s a gradual thing; perhaps I never would have if he hadn’t shifted from our embrace to ready himself for the day. I wasn’t sure how long we’d sat there for, Louis occasionally carding his fingers through my hair. Perhaps he’d meant to comfort me, perhaps he hadn’t; I just went with it, and it was the most at peace I’d been in a long while. The world went on without us.

We hadn’t spoken much after the first kiss, and though I knew I still owed him the full explanation, it was enough for now. We weren’t the most chatty of people; a look could express so much more than words, and sometimes I felt that Louis didn’t need even that. I was the one who was slow on the uptake.

The sun hadn’t bothered me until now. Things had a habit of creeping up on me, and I never seemed to notice until it was too late. I shifted into his kitchen, cringing at the glare. It wasn’t incredibly bright, but then, it never was. The sky was almost as grey as always, just… brighter. The clouds weren’t all-consuming and the sunlight shone through the cracks. Pleasant weather for anyone else. It was tolerable, though I’d have been happier with my sunglasses.

Happy. It was a word I hadn’t used for myself outside of very specific instances in so long that I wasn’t quite sure if it applied. I suppose it did. “Happy,” I said, testing it out. It held so much promise. It was a word for the ones who might have been, were, and would continue to be. It wasn’t me. It was a commitment I couldn’t make. Content was closer, and I could appreciate that that was an achievement. The sad do tend to know it, even if the realization takes longer to dawn on them than the rising sun. It was too positive a metaphor for a human, maybe, but not for me. I turned to glance at the offending window when Louis appeared from around the corner in a fitted black t-shirt with thin white stripes and jeans, a bundle of green in his hand.

“Sorry,” he said, yanking the blinds shut.

“Oh, it’s fine, really,” I said, more out of politeness than anything. It hadn’t been pleasant; I should have thanked him. It was just a habit. Society accepted the strongly polite better than the thankfully admitting, and I’d learnt to act accordingly.

He saw through it, I could tell. He rolled his eyes. “So, did you want to get going now?”

“Sure. I’ll have to stop at the flat though; I didn’t think to bring my apron,” I warned.

“Oh, okay.”

Our footsteps echoed through the empty stairwell, and even if he was ahead of me, I could tell he was trying to keep a smile off his face.

I smirked. “What’s got you so happy, then?”

He grinned. “Does there have to be something in particular?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Wrong answer, my dull friend. There does not have to be anything making one smile in order to smile. It helps if there’s nothing stopping you, or if there is something to smile about, but nothing should force you to smile. You should be smiling of your own accord. See? Now you’re smiling because you think I’m an idiot, but that’s a start, at least.”

“Louis.”

He sighed. “I don’t always need a reason to smile, Harry, and there is nothing stopping me, but in this case I am happy because of you. Happy?”

“Yes.”

“So bring that smile back.”

I smiled a little.

“Oh, bloody hell,” Louis complained before reaching up and pulling my face down to his. Surprise kisses were the best.

I smiled a lot.

“Better. But you’re still only smiling because I kissed you. Smile by yourself and there’s much more where that came from,” he said.

“I question the ethics of that,” I teased.

“Well, ethics, schmethics.” He rolled his eyes.

I sighed. We walked in silence for most of the way, but it wasn’t awkward, more amiable. It was quiet, 4:30 too early even for London peak traffic. The city was asleep. Oh, the perks of working at a bakery.

A few streets from the flat, Louis paused. “Hey Harry,” he began.

“Yes?”

“If I go up to your flat with you, is Zayn going to kill me?”

I snorted. “Zayn’s the only name you remember, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Um, I don’t know if they’ll kill you, but I can’t say for certain and they will all be home.”

“Do they know about me?”

“Yes and no. You’ve met them, so they know you exist, but they do think we haven’t seen each other since last Friday.”

“So they don’t know I work at the bakery?”

“No.”

“So maybe I should wait for you downstairs,” he suggested.

I thought it over for a moment before replying. “It’s still really early, they’ll be asleep. You can probably just stand out in the hallway. The smell might wake Niall up, or one of us could trip over something, or they might not even be asleep, I don’t know. Inviting you in is a disaster waiting to happen. Sorry, Lou.”

“I get it. Not getting me killed is kind of in my best interests as well.”

“Isn’t it,” I muttered.

“Don’t. You wouldn’t have.”

I sighed. No, I wouldn’t have killed him, but he hadn’t known that. He still couldn’t really know it, and I could always screw up, but I wasn’t going to kill him intentionally now.

We entered the lift, and I looked to Louis the moment the doors shut.

“Look, I’m sorry. I just ruined a good morning. I wouldn’t have killed you, and whatever your motivations were, it’s in the past now, and if you say you’re okay, I’m okay with that. Right?” I asked.

He smiled, and though it was little, it was real. Louis was always real. “Thanks. And that was very good, but the morning wasn’t ruined. It’s incredibly difficult to ruin a morning before 5am, and you aren’t quite that level of pessimistic. This is a good day, Harry, and though I know you’re mostly smiling so I’ll kiss you again, you can enjoy it, okay? Now go get that apron.”

“What? I was smiling legitimately then - ”

“Nice try.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips. “Go, or we’ll be late.”

I unlocked the door and went in. I had been smiling. I hadn’t even noticed, and he got that out of me. It was a pity he thought it had been a show, which was a little strange, given that he usually saw right through me. I supposed he hadn’t had much time to get to know my real smiles from the fake ones. He’d learn. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

I retrieved the abhorrent green _thing_ from its hook and returned to Louis.

“Cool,” he said. “Shall we?”

The sun was half-hidden behind loose cloud when we arrived at the bakery. It was the _early_  early morning shift, so I set about putting all of the bread in the oven. Louis helped after he realised that this required no cooking talent, though he was slowly improving at that. I baked, he fetched ingredients, set up chairs and watched over the odd thing while it was mixing. Our quiet was both harmonious and functional, broken only by the buzz of a mixer or the hum of the ovens.

The stream of customers through the door was steady, but not overwhelming. We were a few hours through the shift, Louis at the register and the bakery empty when she came in.

“Hi… Louis!” she said, reading off his nametag. He smiled at her, the paragon of good customer service. “Hello, what can I get you today?” he asked.

“I’d like… a muffin and a flat white to go, thanks.” Her russet curls bounced with every syllable. She was beginning to annoy me, not that I’d show it. I busied myself back in the kitchen while Louis retrieved her muffin, chocolate today, and coffee.

“That comes to £7.90,” Louis said. The girl fished out the appropriate cash. Louis gave her her £2.10 change. She thanked him with more enthusiasm than was necessary outside of perhaps a day-care centre, before opening the paper bag with her muffin in it and taking a whiff.

“Mmm… I always have loved the muffins here. I’m Eleanor, by the way. Say, when does your shift finish?”

“Eleven. Why?”

She giggled, high-pitched and even more infuriating. “Would you be open to maybe grabbing a coffee with me or something?”

I groaned internally, rolling my eyes. I moved out of the kitchen so I was just a few steps behind him. “That’s very nice of you to ask, but I’m really not interested,” he said, trying to be clear but polite.

“Oh,” she said, genuinely surprised. “Are you sure?”

I stepped forward. “Oh yes, he’s sure.” I grabbed his hand and stared possessively into his eyes to make a point. He caught on and ran his thumb over my knuckles, returning the stare.

“ _Oh_. Sorry.”

Louis broke the stare. “That’s okay, you couldn’t have known.”

“It’s the third time this has happened to me this week. Why are all the hot ones gay?” she complained, exasperated.

“Right, well, enjoy your muffin,” I dismissed.

“Yeah. Thanks.” She left.

I turned to Louis, who was looking at me somewhat incredulously.

“Three times,” he said. “How many guys must she have asked out this week for _three_ of them to have been gay?”

“I dunno, thirty?”

He laughed. “Or maybe she just has really horrid luck.”

“Maybe.” I laughed too. We were cut off by the bell at the door signalling another customer, and as we prepared his order, Louis looked at me and mouthed “ _thirty,_ ” and I could barely keep a straight face. The man asked if I was all right, I suppose it must have shown. Louis snickered, and the man left with a look at the two of us which was clearly meant to convey, “You guys are idiots.”

The door closed and we both started laughing. Louis’ laugh was cute, nothing like my cackle. He sighed.

“No, but seriously – that’s like, more than four guys a day, assuming she’d already asked three this morning despite it only being-“ he checked his watch, “9:43.”

I grinned. “Definitely some bad luck in there.”

“Or she was exaggerating…”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

“Where indeed,” replied Louis, soon distracted by another customer. We went back to work, and it was nice to smile again, even if only at the dating shenanigans of this Eleanor.

“Horribleluck,” I said.

Louis turned around and stared me straight in the face.

“ _Floozy.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No offence meant to Calder herself of course (not a floozy), but I couldn't resist it. Note that Harry thinks the best of her. Also I'm rewriting some of the first chapters - 1 should be up in an hour or two. I'd keep the old version up somewhere if I thought it had any merit, but I sort of hate its guts so no. Comment if you have issues with this after reading the better version and we can maybe sort something out. Nothing different happens but there is a bit more insight and much nicer use of the English language. =) Thanks to everyone who has left kudos/comments btw, I seriously jumped out of my chair and squealed at the first one or two...


	16. Proximity

The next hour passed quickly and with little particular interest aside from the toddler who managed to upend her mother’s plate of pancakes and spatter berry compote and smashed china across the floor. Well, that and Louis, but in no way more than his ambient intrigue.

I stood up, a handful of plate in my now sticky fingers. “About the biggest mess I’ve had since working here,” I mused, taking it over to the bin. The woman and her child had left quickly after the incident with a brief apology.

“I don’t doubt it,” Louis remarked, smirking at the floor from the counter, mop in hand. “The next guys are here early.”

“Who?”

“Redheaded guy, blonde girl, standing around bickering.”

“Ed and Perrie. How did you-”

“They’re wearing black and holding green aprons, Harry. I’m not daft.”

I looked through the door. “Oh. Give me that,” I said, snatching the mop from him and proceeding to do a much quicker job of the floor than he would have.

“Okay,” Louis said. “It’s 10:58 and they’re here, can we go or do we have to stand here, in the _empty_ bakery for another two minutes?”

I looked him suspiciously for a moment, before pretending to dismiss it. People worked harder to hide things when they knew someone was looking. He’d gotten my attention. “You can go. I’ll just wash my hands,” I said, gesturing behind me to the sink in the kitchen.

“I’ll wait. Did you have any plans for this afternoon?”

“Um, no. Just to get home and let everyone know I’m still alive, I guess. Nothing important, why?”

Louis smiled. “Walk me home?” Oh. So he wouldn’t have hidden it.

“Sure.” I dried my hands on the towel and my apron, before undoing it and pulling it over my head. Ed and Perrie walked in as we walked out, so I introduced them to Louis.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Hi Harry,” said Ed. The bell on the bakery door interrupted his next word as another customer walked in. He sighed. “I got this, Perrie. Nice to meet you Louis. Well, sort of. Some other time, I guess.” He took the man’s order while we spoke to Perrie.

“So you’re Louis,” she said.

“That’s me,” he replied, reaching forward to shake her hand. “How does everybody know my name?”

“It’s a tight-knit group. Everybody knows everything.”

He grinned nervously. “Oh. Okay.”

She smirked. “You’re wearing a nametag, remember? Brian mentioned we might run into you.”

“Ah. So you haven’t been telling everyone about me, then?” he said, turning to me.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen them, actually.”

“Like, a week,” Perrie said. “You do talk about those friends of yours a bit. Introduce me sometime, alright?”

“Right… yeah.”

“I should go. See you next week, probably.”

“See you.” Louis waved once in farewell, and we left.

The city was louder than before, but we were quieter on the walk to his flat. Something was tenser between us. I looked down to see Louis’ hand twitch back towards his side. I smirked and grabbed it. My hand dwarfed his smaller, warmer one. He grinned at me. He was still… planning. I frowned slightly, running my thumb over his knuckles. If he noticed, he didn’t react. The tension grew, Louis coiling like a spring in the lift, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the mirrored wall. He unlocked his door without a word.

“So… what’s up?” I asked, before he yanked me inside and shut the door.

“You are so hot when you come out of your shell,” he said, pushing me up against the wall. I could have resisted if I’d wanted to. “I like it.”

Louis pulled my face down to his and quickly pecked my lips. “A lot.” Our mouths met again, none of the teasing from our earlier kisses present. His lips moved against mine hungrily in a rhythm I hoped I’d learn soon enough, his fingers threading through my curls. I took a moment to respond, not quite expecting his advances but definitely enjoying them. I smiled into the kiss as he flicked out his tongue, licking softly at my lower lip. I did the same, my awkwardness floating away as our tongues tangled and I gripped his hips, pulling his body in closer to mine.

“I like you,” I said. He smirked. “A lot.” I rested my forehead on his, just breathing.

“What’s with the eyes?” he asked, examining the vibrant red for but a moment before it returned to safe green. I sighed.

“Whenever I’m even slightly turned on. I don’t know what sort of joke the universe is trying to play with this, but it seems kind of pointless. I mean, really? Just kiss someone and boom, evil scary vampire eyes. And fangs,” I added, showing him again for a second before retracting them. He stepped back a little.

“I always forget you have fangs. That is both really scary and kinda cool,” he commented.

“Scary. Let’s go with scary.” I sighed. “For your own good, _please_ regard that as moderately scary. Speaking of scary, the guys haven’t heard from me in like, a day. I should probably go.”

“Yeah. Good luck with them,” Louis said.

“Thanks.” He opened the door again, gesturing for me to leave. I pressed a chaste kiss to his temple and walked out, peeking back over my shoulder when I heard the door close. The corners of my lips curled up in amusement. _Swoon._

The lobby was quiet and the lift empty, not that that was unusual for this time on a Saturday. Zayn would be over at Bert’s Beans for another hour or so, but I unlocked the door to find Liam and Niall on the couch again, this time engaged in a particularly intense team deathmatch on Call of Duty.

“I see you’ve been just _so_ worried about me, seeing as I’ve been missing for the last day or so within a week of a major emotional breakdown in which I ran off to hide in the park. I could be dead, I could have been kidnapped by witches, I could have gone on a murderous rampage and exposed the supernatural to the world on international news – you know I know where BBC studios are – but here you sit, concerned only with the tactical simulated murder of twelve-year-olds whose minds are probably more violent than _Zayn’s_. Thanks,” I said. Liam paused the game.

“This is a local multiplayer match. No psychopathic twelvies here, just Liam, me and a couple of computer-generated players,” Niall countered. Liam sighed. “Also, we can pause it without dying. Which is good, because you are just so keen on your dramatic entrances and interrupting _everything_ we try to do together. Thanks,” Niall said, turning around to emphasize it. I rolled my eyes. Liam elbowed him.

“I would like to point out that, had we been aware of your disappearance, we might have been more concerned. We know of only one fully grown witch anywhere near us, and unless you chose to go provoke her and pretty much let yourself be taken, she couldn’t have overpowered you easily. You’re not stupid enough to do that, get yourself into trouble with other vampires or expose us, and you can’t kill yourself without this,” Liam began, holding up my stake. _Oh._ “Tell me, Harry. What good is it for a vampire to sleep with a stake, a runic one at that, under his mattress? We’re not at war, so probably not self-defence. An attacker could grab it out of your hand and use it against you, though why someone would come in here to kill you without a weapon is beyond me. No, this was to be an inside job, wasn’t it? You had a plan. It could have been to kill one of us, but then in just the last few weeks your world has fallen apart. Zayn spoke to us.”

“I didn’t tell him anything.”

“He said as much, but he wouldn’t have gone to bring you back if he hadn’t known you needed it. We thought we were keeping an eye on you, but evidently not enough to notice you hadn’t been here for a day.”

Niall butted in. “In any case, nobody noticed you acting too suspiciously in the last twenty-four hours. Where were you, anyway?”

“Work. When did you search my room?” I asked.

“This morning, after we heard you leave. We assumed you’d been there in your room the whole time, but it seems that was not the case. Where were you then, Harry?” Liam asked.

“I told you, the bakery. Today’s a Saturday, I had to be there at five.”

“Look, we don’t want to upset you, it’s just… we’re worried about you,” Niall said. “You’ve been acting weirdly ever since you ran into that kid. Then the stake, and now you’re not telling us where you were. And earlier, the guilt trip over losing control.”

“Something has changed, and we don’t want to lose you, Harry,” Liam continued. “Something is not the same, and you’re _not_ okay, are you?”

“I’m okay. I wasn’t, for a while there, but… It’s getting better. I just- it’s a lot to handle, you know? They’re all people. I can’t help but care. I’d had it shut off for so long, and then Louis…. Something about him just got through to me, but I’m patching it up, right? I’ll get back to where I was,” I promised. I was dodging it. I wasn’t quite lying through my teeth, and though the principle of what I was saying was true, it felt horrible. I felt bad deceiving them, making them worry. I didn’t want to, but it could be life or death for Louis. It wasn’t for me, not any more. I wouldn’t do it. Not now. Louis was a reason to live, if only to sate my curiosity for what would happen next.

Life’s boring when it’s predictable. I’d been living with essentially no change at all for the last ten years, outside of moving. Niall’s introduction to the coven was the only game-changer. I’d thought he was a friend, and he was, but more recent times had shown the strength of that. It was a little sad that I felt more connected to a boy I’d only met a couple of weeks ago than the company I’d shared for over fifty years, in Liam’s case, at least.

Nobody wants to read a book where nothing happens – mine had just gotten a twist, forgive me for wanting to continue it.

But it wasn’t just that Louis was change. He was change incarnate, to me, but he was so much more than that now. He’d changed me, but he gave me a chance. He’d stuck around, and I really felt something for him. I’d dismissed it as the thrill of a new toy, though I now felt almost guilty for ever regarding him as less than a person, just there to make things interesting. Louis cared, and for the first time in an endless blur, I was alive. Just barely, but alive nonetheless. He mattered, and I mattered to him.

I’d tell them, someday. Soon, too, if I wanted to avoid them finding out by themselves under the wrong circumstances. I couldn’t hide forever, and I’d have to hope Louis would still be around for that. He liked me, sure, but that could change too. That in itself was an excuse to live in the present, to make the best of my time with him before he left. He would leave, but I could handle it now. When he did, I’d be just a sharp tree-branch from over it. I cringed. That seemed like the only way I’d ever go. The only way I’d ever try to solve a problem. It was sad, but I couldn’t exactly deny it. By then, hopefully, I’d have lived, or accepted that I never would.

Liam sighed. “What are we going to do with you?”

I sighed. Wasn’t that ever the question?

***

I finished my book that afternoon. You only live twice, perhaps, but it felt like I was just getting to the first one. I’d had my human life, I supposed, but nineteen years was so short. I’d had nearly three times as long as a vampire, but I’d probably lived as much in those as I had before them. If they were my two lives, perhaps my disappointment showed that I still had hope.

I stared out the window, after the sun set. The city still moved. Deep greys and blacks flecked with the lights of streetlamps and open windows made up the landscape, I caught myself wondering how they did it. Day in, day out. Cycles of nature not repetitive and boring, but inspiring and beautiful. I’d try to see it. I was getting closer.

My musing was interrupted by a quick knock at the bedroom door. It wasn’t locked, but I appreciated the courtesy. “Yeah?” I answered, setting the novel down next to my clock. Niall opened the door.

“Group hunting trip?” he asked.

I sighed. “Does everything we do as a group have to involve death?”

“Well, you can’t appreciate Call of Duty. It’s this or Cluedo, and Zayn always wins.”

“Cluedo. I complain about death and you suggest Cluedo, a game about solving a _murder_ ,” I teased, grabbing my coat. It looked cold out, if the woman huddled in on herself had been any indication. Cluedo was different, as a vampire. We could all tell where people were writing if we used the little notes where one was supposed to record the rumours, and this made it incredibly easy to cheat, so we’d taken to keeping everything in our heads. Improved memory could be fun, even if Zayn’s was by far superior to the rest of us. I did have to eat, and I was slowly growing to handle the guilt. I could do this.

We stepped into the elevator, already occupied by two women. The first I recognized as Mrs Gallagher, and older lady from the twelfth floor. She had two grandchildren who visited from time to time; I’d run into them in the lobby. I hadn’t seen the other woman before. I didn’t greet her, but as the lift doors closed, the stench of rot and death was thick in the air and I knew exactly what she was. She was the previously unidentified woman in heels, and looking to Liam and Niall either side of me, I knew they’d noticed too, by their stiff posture and Niall’s reddening irises.

She was a witch, in an elevator with three vampires and one frail human who was growingly exceedingly uncomfortable with the tension in the carriage. Me too, Mrs Gallagher.

Me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly 1k reads, wow! We can do this, guys! Thank you =) I guess things are about to get interesting O.o I hope you guys are getting my Bond jokes. Sort of a different crowd, I guess.


	17. Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He realizes.

Time could have frozen. It didn’t, as the ding of the elevator when it reached the ground showed clearly enough, but it might as well have. There wasn’t much that could happen, really. It was three on one, but we did have a witness, and no time, plus no way of hiding the body. The temptation was omnipresent, however. One innocent life for the witch’s. In the backs of our minds, we were tossing it over from afar, distancing ourselves from the idea to keep a clear conscience, a dignity of sorts, however much we’d lost it already. Niall’s fingers had twitched into fists, Liam’s mask of composure broken for an instant as he grabbed Niall’s hand.

The door opened. The sudden gulp of fresh air would have soothed me, if I’d remembered to breathe. As if any amount of fresh air could cut through that with one of _them_ not three feet from me. I stood there, still as she brushed past, trying to avoid contact, though with less effort than I might have expended. I sighed and stepped out myself. Liam and Niall followed.

“What do we do?” Niall asked, clutching Liam’s hand more loosely than before, trying to act as though he didn’t need the touch, though unwilling to let go.

“Well, she’s long gone now. We can’t just go running after her,” I said.

“Definitely not. We need- ugh. We need more information. Do we know how long she’s going to be here? Have any of you guys seen her before?” Liam asked.

“She’s been here since before Monday, I think. I didn’t realize-”

“No, no, that’s okay, doesn’t matter now. Um. You haven’t spoken to her at all?”

“No. But she knows what we are now.”

“Maybe not,” Niall said. “She would have smelt vampire, sure, but in such close quarters she might not have known who.”

“We can’t rely on that. Mirrored walls, she would know our faces now… um, shit. Reckon she’s hostile?” Liam asked.

“She hasn’t killed us yet. She might just have moved in here and coincidentally we live here. Maybe she didn’t know,” Niall supplied.

“But then she’s still a danger. We don’t know anything for sure. Hell, she might not even be alone,” I countered. “So what do we do?”

“We go back upstairs and text Zayn to hurry home. We wait for him, and then we have a proper strategic meeting in,” he looked at his watch, “twenty minutes. He should be just packing up, it’s late. Actually, he’s probably feeding now. I’m not sure exactly when his shift finishes.”

“Seven,” I muttered.

“Feeding, then.” Liam called the lift and we stepped back in, the smell not quite cleared. I doubted it would be for a while.

We sat in our positions, scattered around the room. Liam had his arm around Niall on the sofa, watching the door more patiently than the rest of us. I stared morosely at the speckled linoleum of the floor, sitting backwards on one of the chairs at the table with my chin on my arms, which were crossed atop the back of said chair. Niall’s first strategy meeting. This would be eventful. I looked over to him. His brows were just a fraction closer together, betraying the fear he tried to conceal from those who knew him best. He’d had next to no experience with witches aside from what he’d heard from us. I wasn’t sure he’d even _seen_ one before today. It had been a while. Zayn had caught the tail end of our witch-hunting phase. If we were on the verge of war, he could handle himself. Niall would be the weakest, and he knew it as well as we did.

The door opened then, and Zayn entered, turning to lock it behind him. He grabbed one of the stools by the kitchen counter and dragged it out so that we made a circle (which was really more of a lopsided triangle). He sat.

“So what happened?”

Liam began. “There’s a witch. We believe she lives somewhere in this block of flats. We are… uncertain, but it is likely that she knows what we are. All three of us.”

“You weren’t there, obviously,” explained Niall.

“We don’t know who she is, or why she’s here. We don’t know if her moving in was a deliberate hostile manoeuvre, or a mere coincidence. We believe she has been here since Monday and as we haven’t seen any others, alone, though this is of course an assumption which should not be taken for granted.”

“Appearance?”

“Brunette, Caucasian, wearing heels at the time of sighting but definitely taller than average. Late twenties to early thirties. Medium build. I didn’t see her eyes, did you guys?” Liam asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Nope,” said Niall.

“Bear in mind that, being a witch, that could be an illusion. If that’s the case, then she must be very powerful, so it’s more likely that that was her true self. An illusion would imply premeditation of such a meeting also; she would have known we were here.”

“There’s got to be hundreds of people fitting that description,” Zayn complained.

“Probably, but only a few witches. Also most of those don’t live here,” I said.

“So what happened, actually?” he asked.

“The three of us were going to go hunting. She was in the lift.”

“Did she react at all?”

“No, but there was a human there too. She moved away quickly after we reached the ground floor, so we decided to come back up here and wait for you for a strategy session, which is where we are now.”

“Okay. I think I’m caught up. How are we responding?”

Liam took over, standing up from the couch to grab a chair so he wouldn’t be looking over the back of the sofa, soon followed by Niall. “We don’t know much at all at the moment. Anybody have any tidbits I’m missing out on?” he asked.

“Well, she’s on one of the higher floors. High up, at least tenth floor, I think,” I supplied.

“Not particularly helpful now, but good to know. Anything else? Deductions?”

“She’s been here since Monday, right? So she’s probably not here to kill us, or she’d have done it already. Either she didn’t know at all, or she’s spying. So she probably doesn’t know about Zayn, or she does, respectively.”

“I haven’t been close enough to smell her,” Zayn added. “I don’t pay that much attention to new faces around here, if she was watching carefully, I’m not sure I would have noticed.”

“Me neither. Until today, of course,” Niall said. He was a little hesitant to participate.

“I don’t always pay attention, but I’m pretty sure I heard her on Monday. None of the regulars walk like that,” I said.

“Oh come on, that stairs game of yours isn’t exactly the most accurate way of finding new faces,” Niall scoffed.

“I don’t know, Harry knows his feet. Shoes. Flat residents. Whatever. That,” Zayn said.

“We’ll base our judgements on  her arriving sometime before Monday, but should new information come to light, we will review that,” Liam decided. “For now, we are not at war. We mightn’t have a peace treaty, but the witches have been so quiet lately it’s sort of implied. We don’t want to launch an attack without a lot of forethought, and we really don’t know much of what’s going on at the moment. The quiet might be a ruse for a more incognito operation being undertaken by this witch, or it might be real and this is all a coincidence. Spying might not be done with hostile intent, and should we show any we might provoke a reaction. Due to our lack of information, I believe the best way ahead is to continue with our lives, but with extra caution, and to keep a lookout for any suspicious witch activity. Does anybody have anything to add?”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Could this have anything to do with Harry’s boy’s mother, the witch?” Zayn questioned. I sighed.

“It wasn’t her. I doubt the incidents are related, seeing as the other was solved with success,” I said.

“I also doubt it, though it’s not impossible. There aren’t very many witches,” Liam said.

“Well, there aren't very many vampires either. Neither of us are looking for a war if it could mean extinction, even if only within the country. I agree that we do nothing.”

“Okay,” Zayn said.

“Me too,” Niall said.

“Then it’s settled. No offensive at present, but we should bump up the defence, just in case. If anybody sees a witch, notify the others as soon as practical. Take precautions when hunting – go in pairs and watch each other’s backs, or be incredibly careful that nobody notices you. We don’t need to spread the secret any further, nor raise the witches’ suspicions or, uh, general hatred of us.”

“Right,” I said, cringing internally at Liam's reference to Louis, though relieved he hadn’t pressed it further. If only he knew.

“Well, I’m hungry. Anyone want to go grab a bite?”

“ _Zayn_ ,” I complained. He threw his hands up in defence.

“Hey! The humans use that one too, you know. It’s not even a pun, really.”

“Just because it’s not a horrible pun doesn’t mean it’s not horrible,” I argued.

He sighed. “So is anyone coming or do I have to be super sneaky?”

I tossed it over. I’d eaten yesterday, I could go another day or two if I tried, but I did have a nasty habit of forgetting or neglecting to eat. I didn’t want to be hungry around Louis if I could avoid it. “I’ll go. How about you guys?”

“I’ll pass. It was really more of a ‘spend time together’ thing than actually needing to feed,” Niall said.

“I’ll… stay with Niall, I think. Nobody left alone, especially since we know there are witches about,” Liam said.

***

We were outside, but I doubt either of us was actually focussed on the task at hand. It occurred to me then.

“Zayn?”

“Yeah?”

“Where were you, before?”

“Hunting,” he said.

“That’s what we thought,” I began, “so why are you here now?”

“Still hungry.” I frowned. “I got the text just as I was sneaking up on one, she heard and walked away. Liam did say it was urgent,” he explained.

“Oh.” We fell silent, just walking and watching, waiting for something. Anything, really.

“So how’s it going?”

“What?” I asked.

“You. Your second chance,” Zayn clarified.

“Oh. That. I’m working on it,” I reassured, looking up at him from the square of pavement I’d been so focussed on.

“You do seem happier. Not… not happy. Not just yet, at least, not overall, but… better.”

“I am better, I think. I’ve got a long way to go, but it doesn’t matter how slow you go, right?”

“Are you just doing better or, y’know, have you found it?”

“I think- I think I have, actually. He’s kind of turned my life around, at least.”

Zayn stopped walking. “He?”

Shit.

Well, realistically, what _could_ turn a life around? Other than people, there wasn’t a lot. Vampirism, definitely. Natural disasters, though probably never for the better. Money. War, but that was people too.

What could change a life more drastically than love? Love born, love lost, love grown. One could love a muffin, or a pair of skinny jeans, but nothing could be loved more than people loved people.

I didn’t love Louis, not quite yet, but I was falling, and boy was I falling hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay 1000 reads! Also 30k+ words, bit of a milestone =) Thanks for reading and commenting and kudos-ing, by the way. Updates may be less frequent (back to the 2-3 weeks) soon because of school, but I am determined to finish this so don't worry about me abandoning it if for some reason I can't update for a while. If I'm organized it should be fine (anybody have any advice for surviving math C?). I'm tempted to write a sort of commentary to this because it's in first person and Harry doesn't always understand himself and, more often, other people. He's not always right, and I've tried to show that. Maybe. Probably not. Love you guys =)


	18. Gravity

Sure, I could have lied. Zayn would have caught me out, but I could have, and probably should have, tried. I could have just refused to say anything at all. He would have known I was hiding something, but nobody can call someone out on a lie they don’t tell. Of course, then he might have told Liam, and, well, it was probably for the best to buckle now and cut my losses. It seemed as good an opportunity as any.

I didn’t think to take into account the present circumstances of Louis’ mum being a witch, a different witch living in our block of flats, the discovery of the stake or my recent string of emotional breakdowns.

So yes, the perfect time to reveal my romantic attractions to the boy who was in part responsible for the coven’s instability so close to what could be a war. Totally.

“Yes, he,” I replied, a little more forcefully than I might have intended.

“Who?” Zayn asked, baffled. I suppose I would have been, too.

“Did I tell you guys there was a new employee at the bakery?” I began.

“Don’t think so. A workplace relationship, Harry?” He tutted dramatically.

“I never said I was dating him.”

“But you are, aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah.”

A smug grin appeared on his face. “Told you so. Vampire or human?”

“Human.”

“That could be difficult.”

“Yeah.” It could. I mean, it wasn’t hard to control that side of myself around Louis, especially as he was a very good distraction, but if we ever got around to a future, things could get tricky. That and his mum was a witch. That was probably more pressing at the moment.

“So you guys met at the bakery, and things just kicked off from there?”

“Sort of. Well, no. Remember Louis?”

Zayn’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You have got to be kidding me.”

I sighed, looking back to the floor. He frowned.

“You’re not kidding.”

“Nope.”

He sighed, taking a half-step  back and running his hands over his hair once, looking to the sky and cringing. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, congratulations on finding your second chance, and – are you guys official yet?”

“Eh, sort of.”

“Then sort of congratulations for that, but… Jeez, Harold. Him? Really? Don’t get me wrong, he seemed like a nice guy, but, you know…” He sighed.

“Believe me, I know.”

“Does his mum know?”

“I doubt it. Maybe, but I think she would have killed me by now if she did,” I said. It was a worry of mine.

“So a secret-ish relationship with the boy you nearly killed and then kidnapped. Does he like you like you like him?”

I paused. “Probably not as much. But I think he does like me.”

Zayn thought for a moment. “How far have you guys gotten? I do _not_ want details, but, how far are you stuck in this mess exactly?”

“Not _that_ far.”

“So you haven’t slept together, at least. That’s good.”

Well, actually, we had. But not in that sense. “Why do you care?”

“Deciding whether I have to tell Liam or not. I’m sure you don’t want me to, but seeing as his mum’s a witch, I might have to,” he said.

“Please don’t. They’ll kill him,” I begged.

“They might not. But on the other hand, she doesn’t know about you two, and Liam doesn’t really need any more reason to worry, especially about you.”

“Hey!”

“I mean that he’s already worried about you, not that you’re not worth worrying about. He’s probably more worried about you than _Niall_ at the moment, and seeing as there could be a witch war breaking out in the next couple months and Niall would be completely unprepared for it, that’s saying something. It’s not just the worry, though. I haven’t seen him too much more than you have since you ran out on us, but you cut him deep, man. Turning someone is something he takes very seriously, and I know you know this, but as his first, that probably had more effect on him than if anyone else had said it. Except for maybe Niall. See, now he’s questioning us, too. Niall more than me, of course, because deep down I think he knows this was the right choice for me, but Niall…” Zayn trailed off. I sighed.

“Niall had a lot more to live for, when our lives were over. That’s why Liam’s so soft on Niall, isn’t it? This isn’t the first time he’s thought of it,” I deduced.

“Part of it, yes. He doesn’t want him getting hurt, and he thinks that accidentally hurting people would hurt Niall the most, I think. So he’s kept him locked away from the world, not quite realizing that here, he’ll never be able to adapt to it and learn. Part of Liam probably thinks he’s being chivalrous by not making his spouse work, too. And Niall just… He just takes it. I think Liam’s scared him, actually. Not on purpose, but I think he’s scared him into thinking that he can’t handle a little blood, let alone witches. Of course, now Niall’s probably had no experience as a vampire thinking of humans as anything other than food,” Zayn theorized, walking again.

“He spent all of his energy looking after Niall, so he was totally unprepared for my outbreak, which then set him off on this again.”

“Probably.”

We walked for a while then, the breeze chilly against our faces, stars above barely visible from the lights of the city and thick cloud. We needed the quiet.

We ate without another word, and if I managed to avoid thinking about it, it was mostly because my mind was otherwise occupied.

“They don’t need to know,” I blurted, a few blocks from home.

Zayn sighed. “They do, but not yet. I’m not going to get in the way of your life, Harry. If you think he’s what you need, I’ll keep my mouth shut as long as I can. You deserve love, and even if this isn’t that, even if it won’t ever be, you deserve the chance as much as anyone.”

“Thanks,” I said, the corner of my mouth turning up in an appreciative half-smile.

He grinned. “I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a cockblock.”

I hit him on the back, only a little harder than one might consider “playful”.

“ _Ow_.”

“You deserved that.”

He laughed, rubbing at where I’d hit. “Yeah, probably.”

***

I used the remainder of my Saturday night and much of Sunday morning to catch up on the sleep I’d missed just sitting and talking with Louis. As much I wanted to see him, I still didn’t have his number, and showing up at his door again might be a little weird, assuming he was even home. I did some laundry – it was a tad surprising just how much of my stuff was black. I tried to be useful, but I knew I was really just trying to pass the time before Monday’s shift, when I’d see Louis again. There was a part of me that was embarrassed about that, but the rest just wanted to see him again. To continue with my life, as though it didn’t pass when we were apart. He meant too much to me, for someone who should be a brief acquaintance.

I tried to see that as a good thing.

I was finally connecting with somebody more than the bare minimum of socially acceptable and unsuspicious. That was good.

He was distracting me from thoughts of stakes and guilt and inadequacy. That was also good.

But I wasn’t good for him. I’d always spoken as though he’d ruined my life, but the reverse was probably more accurate. I’d almost killed him, I’d shaken his whole family dynamic and now I’d committed, if weakly, to a relationship with him. Thinking back over it now, I was unsure of exactly who had asked who. I’d taken a ridiculous tangent from “everything happens for a reason” and then he’d asked. It was a little surprising that he’d followed my train of thought then. He didn’t seem bad at that, but the alternative was that he’d already been thinking it.

Another thing to tag on to the list of things about Louis that I didn’t really get.

The thing was, he understood me. There was a lot he didn’t know, perhaps, where I knew more about him, but he understood me so much more than I understood him. I couldn’t tell if that was from my social ineptitude, his tendency to remain a mystery, or if any two people with this level of contact would be the same.

I didn’t know that many people to compare this to.

Louis was a puzzle, but I was slowly putting it together. He’d managed to work out most of mine, but I’d been careful about which pieces to hide. There weren’t too many of those left, though.

I could never really be sure if I’d done the right thing. Should I have killed him to spare him this? This, this connection to the darker side of the world some went to great lengths to hide? This almost constant danger should I screw up horribly?

I hadn’t expected it at all, but my answers kept coming back as yes. His life, as far as I could tell, was abnormal, for sure, but it wasn’t as though I felt I should be putting him out of the misery I’d caused. If I wasn’t such a suspicious creature, I might believe I hadn’t caused him any at all. I doubted that, but he didn’t seem unhappy.

I’d made the right decision in sparing him, but continuing to see him? I could admit that the first few times were unintentional, but I couldn’t escape the voice in the back of my head saying, “Maybe you should have avoided him.” He wouldn’t know the truth, he wouldn’t be quite so deep in this mess and he could just go back to his old life. He could have been normal, and there wasn’t much reason that he shouldn’t have been. Of course, Louis was so much more captivating than _normal_. Physically, he was gorgeous, but his understanding of other people was unparalleled. He could best even Zayn, if given the appropriate background information.

As much as I pondered ignoring him, I knew I couldn’t. Definitely not now, but even earlier, I doubted that I could have. People were drawn to Louis, and I was no exception.

I wanted to see him again. Tonight. Today, even, but that was unlikely. I cursed myself once more for not getting his number. I considered it for a moment, debating whether or not I cared about being weird. He knew I was vampire, he could handle weird. But would he take it as too forward if I did show up at his door? What would we do, anyway? Dinner was a little stupid. I couldn’t go and not eat, and I didn’t particularly fancy trying to. What else did people do on dates?

I froze. Was I really planning a date with Louis? We’d known each other for, like, two weeks.

I was.

***

I probably thought of a hundred reasons to back out on the way to his flat.

I didn’t want to seem clingy, I was uncertain of exactly what we’d be doing, I saw him pretty much every day, I didn’t know if he’d be home, this was putting him in an awkward position if he didn’t want to go out, I didn’t eat food, I wasn’t sure if I should try to just go up to his flat or not, I had no idea how one should ask someone out to a date neither prospective participant knew anything about…

I probably shouldn’t have. Oh well. Story of my life.

_He had better be home._

I took the stairs to the third floor, anxious but a little excited despite myself. Taking a deep breath, I knocked, relieved to hear movement from inside the flat. Louis opened the door, mild surprize painted across his features. He laughed once, a breathy huff accompanied by an eye-roll.

“Hello,” Louis said. “Fancy seeing you here.”

I grinned sheepishly. “Hi.”

He sighed. “Come on in.”

I followed him in, wishing I’d planned this a little better. “So…” I began, mimicking his stance in half-leaning against the kitchen counter. He did it better.

“Do you start all of your sentences with a long, dramatic ‘so’?” he asked, smirking.

“Um, no? I do it a lot, though. Mostly when I’m trying to collect my thoughts, so yeah, around you especially.”

His expression changed minutely; I couldn’t read it. Not yet.

“Anyway, I was going to ask you out. To dinner, I guess.” I smiled, fiddling with my hands, which were half-clasped before me.

“Aww,” Louis said, tilting his head slightly to one side and smiling back.

“Yeah, well, I’m not sure exactly how to do that.”

“I thought you just did?”

“Oh, not ask you out. I had some vague idea of how to do that. More like I don’t know what we’d actually do,” I admitted.

“Ah. Right, because you guys don’t eat human food, do you? Um.” Louis frowned a little, thinking.

“No, we don’t. I mean, I could, I guess. But I’d rather not, so I couldn’t think of much.”

“Okay, umm, I could make myself a sandwich and then we could go do something,” he suggested.

“That’s an option. Not exactly a wonderful first date, but, uh, maybe,” I said, shrugging.

“Or I could go eat something while you just sat there, but that wouldn’t be much fun, would it?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t mind, but it might seem weird to other people.”

He smirked. “I’ve never really been one to care what other people think, but if you want, we could go to some fast food place. That way there’s no table service to bug you about not eating,” Louis said.

“Well, sure, if that’s what you want to do. MacDonald’s sounds kind of… undately, but it’s up to you.”

“How about Noodle Box? Better food, less weirdness.”

“Uh, sure,” I agreed, smiling uncertainly. I wasn’t particularly familiar with either of those, but I could trust Louis to pick something better than I would, at least. “So, uh, what time is it? Did you want to go now or what?” I asked.

“It’s-“ he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check “- half-five. A bit early, probably. We could just sit around here for a while, or go walk around.”

“Actually, while I think of it, can I get your number? To spare us the weirdness of me showing up on your doorstep every so often and you the inability to do that?”

“Uh, sure.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it, offering it to him as I took his to enter mine.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis said disapprovingly. I looked up from his phone.

“What?” I asked tentatively.

“This is one of the preloaded background pictures, isn’t it?”

“Um, probably?”

He sighed. “iPhone 4 with no cover and empty camera roll. Ouch. This is painful.”

“At least I can use it. I could be worse,” I reasoned.

“There are worse alternatives to everything, but that doesn’t change the situation. I used to work in an electronics store, remember? This is my judgy face,” he said, gesturing to his face. It looked more sarcastic than anything else. He tapped at it a few more times before putting his left arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer. “Come on, selfie time. Smile,” he commanded, holding up my phone. I smiled, and he took the photo and then examined it. “Not bad,” he commented, “but we can do better.”

We (he) spent the next twenty minutes trying to get the photo right, seemingly enjoying himself while I stood still, adjusting my face slightly with each picture until I got frustrated.

“Okay, give it here,” I said, snatching the phone back. “Smile.” I pressed capture and Louis snatched it from my hand.

“Perfect,” he said. “I mean, y’know, for a photo with me in it, it’s pretty decent. You look gorgeous, as usual.” He handed my phone back to me.

“I like it,” I said, giving him his own. “I don’t know about gorgeous, but even I can say that’s a good photo.” I closed out of the camera to lock it. The usual picture of city lights at night had been replaced by the one of us. I smiled. “Aww.”

“You’ve still got the same lock screen, but you can’t have the same lock screen and background. Or, you can, but most people don’t. I just taught a vampire to take a selfie. That’s empowering,” he mused, retuning his phone to his pocket. I locked mine and did the same, lips quirking up at the edges. Louis always managed to surprize me.

“So what’s your phone background then?” I asked.

He took his phone out again and unlocked it, showing me the photo of his family huddled up together. There was snow on the ground and in the trees, but the sun was shining. Louis looked younger, and I hadn’t paid much attention to them before, but it was a lot more pronounced in the oldest sister. “My family,” he said.

“How long ago? You look a lot younger. Sisters especially,” I asked.

“My birthday last year. Christmas Eve.”

“Huh. Easy to remember.”

“You’d think so. I’ve had people try to merge it with Christmas before – it’s not great for presents. Christmas is just a bigger event, I guess.”

“I haven’t gotten a birthday or Christmas present since… uh, nineteen… sixty? I think. Might have been ’59,” I said, thinking. I was pretty sure I’d gotten something for my nineteenth. Heaven knows what.

“Oh. That sucks. Remind me to get you one,” Louis added.

“You sort of forget about it. Just a bit more irritated around Christmas, I guess.”

He nodded wordlessly. I sighed.

“There’s just so much- I mean, I don’t want to push my life story on you, but there’s so much that changes, you know? I can’t remember much of being human, so I couldn’t tell you all of it, but even just meeting you has brought to light just how inhuman I am.”

“It’s all about getting used to it, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Things change, the world grows, you move cities, but it’s all the same. You remember the people though. Forever is a long time to remember, but it’s a longer time to forget,” I said, looking down to meet his eyes.

“It’s not forever, though. You were born, and someday, you will die. Your lifespan is not infinite, it’s undefined,” he said.

“Like us.”

He sighed. “Like us.”

***

We sat at one of the small tables just inside the takeaway noodle restaurant. I fiddled with Louis’ chopsticks while he ate hokkien mee with a plastic fork. He laughed, I smiled. I knew it was far from perfect, but it felt like it was. I knew I was the one holding us back, I knew we’d both rather be sharing a meal in some humble restaurant, having met through friends, flirted and eventually had a simple “Would you like to go to dinner?” instead of the tangle of complexities ultimately stemming from me.

But that wouldn’t have been us, and in those moments where I could properly appreciate the boy tugging fiercely at my heartstrings I could forget that, and maybe I could be good enough for him and good for him and even just good, because if there was one thing I’d longed for long before Louis had even existed, it was to be good.

I wasn’t even good at being bad. Louis was living evidence of that. Maybe now I could be okay  at being okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. I was going to do a double update because I took so long (school, internet failure, hospital admission - a lot can happen in like 3 weeks) but figured I'd just merge them. Enjoy!  
> btw thank you to all the people who leave comments and kudos, you guys are awesome =)


	19. Waver

Perhaps, walking towards the familiar storefront with Louis coming in from the other direction, I realized that a routine was forming. I had mixed feelings about that.

For one, my previous experience with routines over any extended period of time had not been positive and resulted in a state of near-catatonic boredom which, when agitated, blew up in my face with an onslaught of guilt and managed to attract the attention of the rest of the coven.

It would be pleasant to get a break from all the witch and guilt nonsense for a bit.

And even though I could explode again, I feared the blur. It wasn’t the most rational of fears, seeing as the alternative could result in a massacre, a split second of something I’d never not regret, but I’d had enough of being bored. It was more than that, of course. I feared the blur that would have Louis all but erased from my memory within a decade or two.

I wasn’t quite as detached as I had been sometimes previously, but I suppose some of my responses must have been a bit slow or monotonous because, even though it wasn’t until walking home after the shift, Louis turned to me, half suspicious, half concerned. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I want to remember you. I want to remember this, all of it.”

“Worried that you won’t?”

I sighed. “Yeah, sort of. This is unique to me so far; I guess it might be unique forever, so since it’s probably going to shape my future, I don’t want to forget why I’ll do anything I’ll do. You’re worth remembering, I think,” I said, half-smiling. He smiled back.

“Alright then. Doesn’t honestly sound like you were doing much before I came around, but thanks.”

“The last ten years or so have been really quiet. It’s been a while since the old witch-hunting days.”

He frowned. “Okay, first of all, how old are you, really? I won’t be weirded out, I just get the feeling it will be important for the context of many future discussions.”

I chuckled. “Reasonable justification there. You sure?”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “Seventy-two. Not weirded out?”

“Eh, not really. It could have been anything, I guess. On another note, you’re only seventy-two. The last ten years of your life is like the last three of mine – that’s not exactly a small part of it.”

“No.”

“You made it sound sort of like it was.”

“It’s not. It feels a bit like it sometimes. It’s repetitive. Time is weird.”

Louis smiled. “I think I can agree to that.”

I smirked.

“Secondly, witch-hunting?”

“Ah. That,” I said. Great.

“Well? You just tracked them down to try to kill all of them?”

I sighed. “Pretty much. Liam helped.”

“Jesus, Harry. Why would you do that? The people I can almost handle – you have to eat, I guess, but witches? That’s murder.”

“It was war.”

“Why the hell would you guys feel the need to start a war? What’s so bad about witches, anyway?” Louis asked, exasperated.

“They just- I don’t know. Their magic, it’s just… wrong. It’s unnatural. It upsets the balance of the universe. There are things we aren’t meant to control, and they manipulate the elements and the life force of the earth- can’t you see how wrong that is?” I shuddered.

“Unnatural? You guys don’t die.”

“Neither do they! But they keep aging. It’s why they smell of rot and decay – they keep dying, but they never will completely. Your family, they’ll grow older and older, but they’ll never die without something – or some _one_ – killing them.”

Louis’ face went blank. He swallowed once. “I-I used to really dread the day I wouldn’t have my mum. I guess that’s not going to happen, then?”

“Well, someday. Some of them have some ritualistic suicide thing after a while, but I don’t know. You might not have to outlive her. But then she would outlive you, and that’s, well, I don’t know if that’s exactly fair either. Not that it’s my place to say,” I added quickly. Delicate topic.

He sighed. “It is a bit hypocritical though. The killer calling the magician savage.”

“You just said yourself you knew why we do that. Humans kill for food too. It’s how the world works.”

“Do me a favour and don’t say that in front of a vegan. But _does_ it have to be people? Like, could you drink animal blood or something?” asked Louis.

“Never tried, but I doubt it. We’re some of the unluckiest sods on the earth; it wouldn’t be that easy.”

“Well, you never know until you try. Give it a shot sometime and tell me how it goes.”

“Right…” I trailed off.

“I still don’t get it, actually. I mean, I get that you do hate the witches’ guts, and that you have some reason to, but it’s not exactly justified. Who started it?”

“It’s been going on since the dawn of the species, I think. We were born to hate each other.”

“Maybe, but I can’t help but think it’s a bit racist. You think of them as the scum of the earth just because of the way they were born; that can’t be right,” Louis mused.

“Well, not quite. It’s not one group thinking of themselves as superior and taking away the rights of the others in some way - they think they’re better than us too, and we’re killing or otherwise avoiding each other. It’s too… mutual, equal, even, to be racist.”

“You think thinking a particular group of people beneath you and targeting them because they’re a part of that group isn’t racist? It might be the wrong word, but it’s discrimination at least. Species-ist? I don’t know. Look, I’m not saying you have to go out and be best buddies right away, but next time you see a witch, how about not killing her, huh? Harry, promise me you will not kill that witch.”

I winced a little.

“ _Harry_.”

I winced a little more.

“It will probably be my mum, you know.”

“Ugh, fine. I won’t kill her.” I’d decided against that a long time ago, not that he needed to know that.

He smiled. The lift dinged to signify that we’d reached his floor, so he stepped out. “ _Thank_  you,” he said. I sighed and waved once.

“See you,” I said.

“Bye Harry,” he replied. I saw his shoulders droop as the lift door closed. I hoped there weren’t any hard feelings, but I wasn’t even kidding myself in thinking that. I had some things to answer for, I suppose. I’d figured this might happen, but I would never have guessed it would be about the witches. I would have thought the, uh, diet. I should probably have worked out by now that there wasn’t much point in trying to predict Louis. He was different, and that’s what I liked about him. Among other things, of course.

I walked home, staring pensively at the ground. Were animals an option? I’d never really considered it before. I’d only been taught about humans for food, so even though I’d had quite enough reason to look for alternatives, I’d accepted that there weren’t any and tried to just block it all out. If I could just change food sources… I didn’t want to kill anyone I didn’t have to. That had caused enough problems already.

I hadn’t eaten after our “date”, so I was a little hungry. I’d grown more used to the thirst than, say, Zayn, if only because of my slackness-turned-guilt-induced-abstinence. Tonight, then.

But what would I actually feed on? Rabbits? Deer? Foxes? I figured I should be avoiding anything endangered, not that any of those were. One of each, maybe. Just to give it a go.

The things I was willing to do for that boy.

***

If Liam’s recently instated rules as to hunting crossed my mind for even a second, it didn’t change my plans to go alone. Taking Liam himself would have been a stupid idea, Niall didn’t like me much now and Zayn would have stopped me. And probably said something “deep” about self-respect. Not really what I needed now. No audience, just in case something went horribly wrong.

I ran for a while. There weren’t too many places to find deer in inner-city London, so I had to go out alongside one of the bigger motorways out of town, but far enough away that car headlights wouldn’t spot me. I was wearing black, but one could never be too careful, especially as I was so pale.

I slowed down. The cars stopped coming after about an hour, and I had to note that this would not be a particularly time-efficient meal, should I continue this habit. I moved onto the road, confident that I’d hear a vehicle and be able to move in time, should someone come up behind me. Conifers sprung up: first one or two, and then patches before either side of me, all I could see was thickly wooded inky blackness. The dark here would be an inconvenience, but my hearing could make up for it, and it wasn’t like I couldn’t see anything at all, just not much.

I walked off to the left, down the slight incline. Pine needles crunched softly under my feet until I was satisfied that I was far enough from the road. I stood, still and silent, just listening and taking in my surroundings. I closed my eyes and extended my fangs, willing the sounds and smells of life towards me as I inhaled. _Empty_ , my senses screamed. _There is no food for you here_.

I listened harder, stubborn in seeking out the subtle sounds of hooves or even breath. Nothing. I couldn’t pick up on _anything_ helpful. I sighed angrily, opening my eyes. The doe in front of me froze as I did. The forest was silent. I was a sensor for human presence, not animal. The luck was just so rare, but the pressure was not. I would have to kill her now, before she ran away. I swallowed, slowly extending my hand towards the startled deer. She hadn’t seen one of me before. She didn’t know what to do. The doe tilted her head curiously, twitching her nose. Hesitantly, she moved closer.

I sucked in a breath, nervous for myself and the deer. I’d have to do it quickly. One move, or I’d chicken out. Best not to even acknowledge that likelihood. I stepped forward and snapped her neck. I’d done it. No scream of pain, no cruelty, I’d- I’d…. I’d done it.

She sagged in my hands and, caught in my moment, I let her drop. I’d killed her. The sinking feeling in my chest was not pride. I tried to swallow past it and extended my fangs again with more effort than might have usually been necessary. I didn’t note that at the time.

I knelt down, taking the creature’s neck in my hands and inhaling again, trying to find the scent that wasn’t there. I bit in, and the blood was flavourless. Not bland, I couldn’t taste a thing. I swallowed a few mouthfuls. It was weird, but it wasn’t _that_ bad. I brought it back to my lips and tried to drink it dry. My stomach began to object, but I figured it was just not used to the deer blood and continued. There was a lot less here than in a human, definitely. I wiped my face off on the back of my mind, then wiped that on a tree. Nobody would mind. Positives of this: no investigation into the bodies. I could almost see this as a possibility. I could learn to find the deer without luck, right? I started to walk back.

I’d nearly gotten to the road when the first wave of nausea hit. It was unfamiliar: I hadn’t felt it in decades, but the feeling wass hard to mistake. I took a few deep breaths, then continued walking.

The second one was too harsh, and I found myself coughing up lukewarm red blood in the dark on the edge of a winding road in the woods with a ringing in my ears and patchy vision. I’d probably gotten it all out before I let myself collapse a few metres from the sickly puddle. I groaned. I wasn’t going to be getting up any time soon. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, cringing at the brightness:

_To: Zayn_

_North on motorway, in the woods. Help me._

 

I blacked out before I could be sure if I’d pressed send or not.


	20. Concessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Just a warning that the rating has been moved up to Mature for the last tag ;) Hope you enjoy (btw feedback would be really helpful here - did I do okay?).

I woke with a groan to a set of familiar honey-brown eyes in front of me. My head ached, my back ached, and my stomach wasn’t having a great day so far either. Zayn moved away, realising that I was definitely alive and giving me a bit of space. I tried to prop myself up on my elbows, but my head swirled, so I let myself drop back onto the bitumen, rubbing my eyes. I sighed.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what happened, but I don’t think I’m making any progress,” Zayn began. I moved my hands back to behind my head, raising an eyebrow at him. “I noticed the blood puddle, and it’s still all over your face, so I figure you ate something out here. You look like crap, so you probably didn’t mean to stay the night out here. I don’t see a body, so you did manage to dispose of it. But then you texted me, so something bad happened. I didn’t tell the other guys, and it seems you didn’t either, so I would hazard a guess that the blood on your face and the road belongs to… Louis,” he deduced.

“Smell it,” I said, finally managing to sit up.

“What?”

“Smell the blood. You’re good at identifying people from their blood, right? Smell it.”

Zayn gave me a confused look before moving over to sniff at the congealed puddle. He frowned, sniffing more intently. “Smells like you, sort of, but probably not your blood. Doesn’t even smell human,” he commented.

“It’s not. Deer.”

“Oh. Ew.”

“Yeah. Did you know about that? I guess we really only can eat human.”

“Huh. Never considered that there might be other options,” said Zayn.

“Neither did I, until yesterday.”

“But then why me? You know I’m the most likely to pick on you for trying.”

“You were. But not now. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly, but Liam would probably be pissed that I went alone and Niall’s basically his alternate self.”

“Please don’t tell me this was Louis’ suggestion.”

I grimaced. “Of course it was.”

Zayn sighed. “I… well, at least you learnt something from it. Feeling a bit better?”

“Yeah, sort of. It’s passing.”

“That’s good.” He turned his head, but I caught the grimace he was trying weakly to hide.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just- You’ve only known him for what, two weeks now?”

“Three.”

“And you’re already letting him interfere with your life? You could have died. You had no idea what drinking that would do to you, but you did it anyway just because he told you to. How can I trust him now, knowing that he has associations with witches and then told you to go and do this?”

“I didn’t do it just for him, you know. Some of us care about the preservation of human life,” I said.

“Harry, this is how we’re made. We drink human blood, or we die. I think you’ve lost sight of that.”

I sighed, not responding. He wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t really want to budge on this, especially as Louis was involved.

“You’ve thrown up and passed out, but this is still the happiest I think I’ve seen you since before Louis,” he commented.

I had been happier. The conversation with Louis had put a damper on that. I didn’t say anything.

“What is it? I haven’t gotten you all miserable again, have I?” Zayn asked, trying to make eye contact as I stared at the floor, hugging my legs to my chest.

I sighed. “Nah. Just… miffed.”

“’Cause the animal blood didn’t work out or because you think you’ve disappointed Louis?”

“Both? Mostly the first.”

“I’m not going to say you can’t see him, you know that, right?”

“Really?” I would have anyway, but it was good to know, just the same.

“Course not. It wouldn’t really be right of me, even if I could. If he makes you happy, go for it. But be careful. You don’t know him, I don’t know him, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I… thanks, mate,” I said, smiling a little and actually looking at him.

“I would like to meet him again sometime, though. Just a thought,” Zayn added.

“Sure. Hey, what day is it?” I asked.

“Uh, Tuesday? I think. Yeah, Tuesday.”

“Oh good, I was worried I’d be missing work.”

“You know you can call in sick, right? I think this is definitely reason enough to call in sick.”

“I doubt Louis could handle the bakery by himself.”

“Oh yeah. But wouldn’t Brian just call someone else in?”

“Maybe. I don’t know,” I admitted.

Zayn held out a hand and I let him pull me up.

“Thanks for coming,” I said.

He sighed. “No problem. If the guys ask, I’ll tell them we were out hunting and ended up having another heart-to-heart in Hyde Park.”

“Aww, thanks,” I said.

“Anytime. Well, not _any_ time, I do have to stick to my moral compass a lot, but, uh, yeah. No problem,” said Zayn.

“Right…”

We ran home.

***

I spent the rest of the day bumming around the flat with Zayn and Niall, and later Liam, until around half-eight, when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

_To: Harry_

_From: Louis :)_

_Hey Harry. Come over?_

_To: Louis :)_

_From: Harry_

_Sure. I’ll be there in a few._

I was pretty sure Zayn saw me smiling at my phone, if only because he winked at me when I looked up from it. I rolled my eyes, then went to put on my shoes. I was nearly at the door when Liam called out.

“Harry, didn’t we decide nobody was going hunting alone?” Liam asked accusingly.

“I’m not going hunting,” I said. “I’m going out.”

“But- where? I don’t want you getting hurt.”

I sighed, reaching for my phone again. “Never mind, then.”

“Let him go,” Zayn interjected.

“But we agreed-“

“He’s not going hunting.”

“But then why is he going out?”

“People can go out.”

“But Harry just wanders, anyone could see him. The witches could easily take him out.”

“He’s not going wandering.”

“But-“

“Oh, bloody hell!” I interrupted. “I have a boyfriend, okay? I’d appreciate if you didn’t oppose my every advance with him – you’re not my father.”

The room was stunned into silence for a bit before Niall spoke up.

“Good on ya, mate,” he said.

“I’m not trying to get in the way of a relationship I didn’t even know you had,” Liam said.

Zayn sighed. “You will.”

“Please don’t,” I said. “But yeah, you might not be so happy.”

“Well, who is it? Do I know him?” Liam asked.

“Sort of. I just told him I’d meet him; you don’t want me to be rudely late, do you?” Liam was always one for good manners.

He sighed. “Well, fine. Two vampires are better than one, even if I don’t know the second. Go. Have fun. But I do want to hear more about this mystery boyfriend of yours, okay?”

“Right. Bye,” I said, quickly turning on my heel and leaving before anyone else could protest.

 _Two vampires are better than one, hey?_ I sighed. _Let’s just hope we don’t run into that witch._

It was dark, but too busy to run properly, so I kept to a very brisk walk, which was really more of a jog. After a few minutes, I was in the lift and on my was to Louis’ flat. He opened the door after one knock.

“Hi,” Louis said, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hello,” I replied.

“Come in. I just- I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Oh? For what?” I asked, walking in and sitting down beside him on the small blue sofa.

“Before, with the blood and witch thing. I was trying to get you to change who you are, and I’m sorry about that. That doesn’t mean you should go off and massacre a heap of people _or_ witches right now, but it was wrong of me to expect it of you.”

I sighed. “I get it. Really, I do. I tried the animal blood, by the way.”

“Really? How’d that go?”

“I threw up and passed out. Zayn sort of had to pick me up off the side of the road.”

“Ah. That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

Louis snickered. “Sucks.”

“Oh please don’t.”

“Too late. That wasn’t even on purpose. I’m naturally punny,” he said, grinning.

I flicked his shoulder as softly as I could.

“Ow. Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

“Sure you are,” I said.

“Oh don’t get batty with me.”

“ _Louis._ ”

“Yep! Okay, I’m out of puns.”

“ _Thank_ you.” I rolled my eyes.

“Actually, batty is sometimes slang for a homosexual man. That’s like, three levels of pun.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“Please feel free to get batty with me.”

I chuckled. “I don’t think that’s the appropriate use of the word.”

“Probably not. Shut up and kiss me?” Louis asked hopefully.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that being used as a question,” I said, leaning in to press my lips to his. “But okay.”

It started off simple and sweet – a soft movement of mouths. I cupped his face in my hands; he had one on the small of my back. He broke away for breath after a bit, returning after a quick smirk. I was confused for a second, until his tongue swiped at my lower lip. I opened my mouth and he licked his way inside, flicking at my tongue. I flicked back, moving one of my hands to his hair, feeling the soft strands flow between my fingers. I sighed a little, breath getting heavier. He pushed me back onto the couch; I let him. He straddled my waist, leaning forward to snog me again, but I pulled my head away, gasping.

“Sorry,” I said, showing him my fangs with apologetic red eyes. “I was trying to hold it off.”

“I can be careful,” Louis said seductively.

I whimpered. “Okay.” I pulled him back. His sinful tongue got back to work, tangling with mine and even slowly stroking the gum around one of my fangs. I could feel the blood rushing down to my crotch, only inches from his. Louis shifted back a little, and his thoughts must have been heading in the same direction as he ground down experimentally against me. I moaned. So did he.

“Okay,” Louis said, panting a little. “This is going to be a bit forward,”-pant- “but can I jerk you off?”

“Please,” I replied, nodding. He shifted his weight to one arm and, still kissing me, grabbed the hem of my t-shirt. I broke away from the kiss to sit up for a second and pulled it off in one quick movement. He smiled and ran a hand down my chest and stomach, resting at the waistband of my jeans. Louis sat back and lifted his arms above his head so I could pull off his shirt, then laid himself down on top of me, glorious warmth a contrast to my crisp coolness. He tangled a hand in my hair and kissed me quickly once before turning his attention to the growing bulge in my pants. Light as a feather, he traced my cock through the constricting denim. I shuddered. “Go on,” I encouraged, needy as ever.

“Someone’s excited,” Louis murmured with a smirk. He undid my jeans quickly; I lifted my hips up to shrug them off. He curled his fingers under the waistband of my boxers and yanked them off. I shivered in anticipation, already half-hard. He wrapped a hand around my cock and started to pump it, changing speeds while watching my reaction. His warm little fingers wrapped around me moved until they found their rhythm – smooth, slow strokes were easily enough to elicit a moan. Louis paused only to spit in his hand, thumbing at the slit to pick up the precum already beading there. “You like that, huh?” he asked.

“Oh god yes,” I mewled. One long stroke and I was bucking up into his fist, chasing more of the pleasure. “Yes, Lou, just like that, fuck…” He kissed my neck softly and I groaned, before he moved back down to pin my hips with his other arm, face hovering close enough I could _feel_ his breath on me – a warm tingle against already sensitive skin…

I whimpered loudly as the heat pooling in in my abdomen grew and grew. My breath stuttered and Louis winked as I watched him drop down, silken mouth warm and wet on my cock. He sucked deeply, then pulled off. The world turned to white noise as I came over his face with a cry of “Louis!”

He stroked me through my orgasm. My breathing started evening out and I opened my eyes with a sheepish smile to Louis’ face, painted with white. “Sorry about that,” I rasped, still a bit breathless.

He raised an eyebrow, then wiped some of it off with a finger. My eyes widened as he licked it and swallowed. “’Sall good,” he purred, leaning to kiss me again. I could taste myself on his lips.

We sat up, and I kissed down his jaw. I reached to undo his trousers, but he stiffened as I moved my lips down to just under his jaw. I pulled away and frowned in confusion before I realised. “Oh,” I laughed, cringing internally. “A bit close for comfort, I guess.”

Louis seemed to be tossing something over in his head. “Nah, it’s alright. I trust you. As long as you think you’re okay?”

“Uh, I think so. Slap me if I start to get too into it, okay?” Louis’ face turned to disbelief. “I’m kidding, I won’t bite you. Totally in control. Just in case, though.”

“Okay…?”

“Well _that_ wasn’t convincing. Are you willing to risk me stuffing up or would you prefer I just got on with the handjob?”

“I trust you,” Louis confirmed, conviction in his voice.

“Sweet,” I said, lightly pushing him down onto the couch and leaning my face into his throat as he lifted his head. The scent was stronger, definitely, but the urge to sink my teeth in was dwarfed by the feeling of his soft skin, the sound of his moans as I pumped his gorgeous cock, the delicious warmth of the blood running under that fragile tissue…

Time slowed, and in my trance, my thoughts turned back to the first dream. I could have been kissing him, I could have been killing him. As Louis’ back arched again with a cry of pleasure and a sudden warmth in my hand, I realised I was about to do both.

I managed to summon the will to wrench myself from his heavenly throat (and my demonic desires). My hand stilled on his softening cock. “Too much,” I said, breathless again.

“Just right,” he said, blissed out. He looked at me then, and I tried to smile back.

“What’s up?” Louis asked, frowning a little in confusion.

The guilt was starting to eat at me. “I got pretty close…”

“But you didn’t.”

“I know, but-“

“You didn’t. Be proud of that.”

I sighed. I wandered off naked to the bathroom and searched a few drawers before I found a washcloth. I ran it under the tap and washed off my hands before squeezing it out. I walked out of the bathroom and threw it to Louis, who wiped off his face and stood up with his trousers rebuttoned.

“I might go wash off properly, actually,” he said.

“I take it this means no super-hot shower sex.”

Louis laughed. “Someday. I don’t really think I’ve got another one in me just yet. Nor do I think we’re ready for that.”

“Me neither.”

Louis showered while I put my boxers back on and generally snooped about this area of his flat. A small stack of DVDs, mostly rentals. Coffee table with a circle stained onto it; it smelt more like tea, though I couldn’t be sure. No photos, but I guess I didn’t either. I wasn’t sure if people still did that – I figured it was just because we didn’t have any to begin with that our flat had none, but maybe that had changed. I was pulling my shirt back on when Louis appeared with damp hair and bright eyes, seeming much more awake coming out of the shower than going into it.

“Hello, gorgeous,” I said.

“Why, hello to you too,” Louis replied. He held my gaze for maybe two seconds before snorting and breaking into laughter which was probably mostly unwarranted. I didn’t care. I laughed along with him.

“Okay, okay, sorry. That was funny. Anyway, are you planning on staying, or does your magical vampire clan require your presence on this fine evening?” he asked.

“Well, I want to stay, if that’s okay with you.” Of course I wanted to stay. I wanted to spend my every waking second with Louis, but society deemed that weird. On the other hand, Liam, Niall and Zayn actually knew I was with another guy, so if I stayed they might immediately jump to conclusions which would make it no easier to break the news of Louis’ humanity to them. Liam and Niall, anyway. But then I wasn’t sneaking out this time. I wouldn’t be worrying about being scolded for not following Liam’s rules or having them worry about my mental health.

“But you have places to be. I get it.”

“No, no. It’s just, it was a bit tricky getting over here. Basically some stuff happened and Liam doesn’t want people out alone so I told him I had a boyfriend whom I had already promised to meet and he let me go. But he doesn’t know you’re human. Zayn does, but he’s okay with it. Niall doesn’t really like me now.”

“Basically some stuff happened?”

“Someone new in town. Can’t be too careful, right?”

Louis sighed. “I know when you’re stretching the truth, you know. But it’s okay. Vampire business. So are you staying or not?”

“This is going to be my best chance to do so without suspicion for a while, I think, but they’re all going to assume we’re fucking.”

“We sort of did.”

“Umm… I can put up with them. I’ll stay,” I said.

“Fabulous. I’ll go brush my teeth. Hey, do you guys have to brush your teeth, or do they just stay clean because blood is like, basic?”

“Vampire spit is pretty special, and yeah, the liquid diet probably helps. I still brush them every so often, though.”

“Huh,” Louis acknowledged. “It’s not always the things I’d expected that are interesting about vampires in general, actually.”

I nodded. Louis brushed his teeth, and then we hopped into his bed. He kissed me goodnight and curled into me as the little spoon. Somewhere during the night we swapped – I was curled tightly into a ball and Louis had an arm around me. It was warm, and it was home.

It was everything home used to be.


	21. Assumptions

I wasn’t sure exactly how long he’d been doing it for, or for much of that time I’d been awake, but Louis was pressing small kisses to my hair and the back of my neck, arms wrapped securely around my curled form. I sighed, squirming into the warmth of his embrace. Louis hummed in appreciation. We stayed still for a few minutes more, just relishing in the comfort of each other.

It took a minute or so before I realised today’s significance. It was Wednesday. _The_ Wednesday.

“Alright, much as I want to stay here and cuddle, we do have work this morning,” Louis said with a yawn. I wouldn’t be going through with it, obviously, but it was a bit jarring. “Harry?”

“I was going to kill myself today,” I blurted, tone removed as I pondered how my life had changed.

“What?”

“Well, I’m not going to now. I don’t even have a stake, Liam took it, but today was the day,” I mused.

“But- why?” Louis spluttered.

“Why do you think?” I turned around, propping myself up on one elbow to properly observe his reaction.

He sighed. “I guess I know.”

“I never really made it obvious to you, did I? But you read me so well…”

“Sometimes. Other times you can be so distant, it’s hard to get anything out of you. But you know what?”

“What?”

“People these days, they slit their wrists. Why do you think that is?” he asked.

“They’re still human. They can actually do that.”

“Yeah, sure, but more than that. They could slit their throats, couldn’t they? It would be over quicker. So why don’t they?”

“I guess it’s what they’ve been exposed to? Or a habit?”

“Maybe. But I think, sometimes, there’s something more. They hop in the bathtub and they find a razor, but they cut their wrists so they have time. So that maybe, just maybe, someone can find them, and prove to them that somebody cares. But also to prove to themselves that nobody does. Because you know what else people do?” Louis asked.

“What?”

“They lock the bathroom door.” He paused, grimly staring at the sheets between us. I kept my eyes on his.

“I gave myself two weeks,” I said.

“You gave yourself a chance. I… didn’t.”

I sighed. “I gave you the chance, didn’t I?” It was starting to make sense to me, why somebody would invite the danger as Louis had so long ago.

“You did.”

“Tell me something.”

“Yeah?”

I took a breath, a quick pause to arrange my words in just the right way. “Did you really think I wasn’t going to kill you?”

“Honestly? I… I didn’t care.”

***

We walked, and then we worked. The near-silence was back, but it was different this time. We were closer. Quick glances across the room could tell us more than a thousand words – we were there for each other. I’d saved him, and he’d saved me. Louis was becoming the centre of my universe – he was, really – and I didn’t care. At the same time, I cared so much: about him, about my time with him, our conversations, just being us. Louis was, well, Louis was a lot of things, but I was finally starting to realise that he was mine, almost as much as I was his. It was a lopsided relationship, but he made me happy, and he was my rock. The lighthouse in a storm, the only thing left to hold when the world blew away, Louis was my guide and he kept me grounded. He kept me alive in more ways than one.

We’d just handed over to Ed and Perrie when we walked out in front of the bakery. Louis hugged me, soft and warm. Safe. I wrapped my arms around him and leant my chin on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Thank you,” he replied.

“We’re not alone,” I said, to myself as a much as to Louis. I went left, he went right, and even if we were apart I knew we were together. The walk to the flat was quiet, if a little rainy, but I knew the word home wasn’t a place to me anymore. It was a person. For once I felt like I was almost understanding the universe.

The lads were waiting for me when I arrived. I should have been expecting it, and I had, but there had been more important things to think about for the last several hours.

“So…” Zayn began. Niall tried to hold off a smile at the combination of my probably dishevelled state and having arrived now, as opposed to last night, but he did not fully succeed.

I sighed. “Don’t. Please.”

“So what’s his name?” Liam asked.

“Not happening.”

“Well, is he nice? Where’d you meet him?”

“He’s nice. You’d probably get on well together,” I said. _Eventually._

“Have I met him?”

“Um, maybe. I don’t think you know him well. You’ve already asked me that.”

“Okay, um… which coven?”

“Stop trying to work out who it is.”

“But you won’t tell me!” Liam whined.

“Like, I might answer little things, but not enough for you to work it out,” I said.

“Ooh! How old is he? When he was turned, I mean,” Niall asked.

I sighed. It wasn’t much of a lie. “Twenty-one.” There had to be a lot of vampires fitting that description.

“An older guy. Huh,” he said.

“Not really.”

“Okay then,” Niall muttered. “That’s a bit more information.”

“So we’re assuming he’s actually a lot younger than you… Oh God, Harry,” Liam began.

“What?” Shit.

“You didn’t turn him yourself, did you?”

“No! No, I didn’t. What would be so bad about that, anyway?” I asked, unsure.

“Oh fuck, you did,” Niall said.

“I did not.”

“Look, I just don’t want you to be stuck in that sort of commitment with somebody you’ve probably only just met. I realise that relationships can move fast and all, but especially if you met him first as a human, people change. It’s not just a physical thing, you know, the transformation,” Liam explained.

I swallowed. “I know. I didn’t turn him.”

Liam sighed. “Okay then.”

I turned and walked to my room, over hearing Niall’s “Is that it, then?” from behind me. I closed the door , kicked off my shoes, and lay down, just thinking. A few minutes passed before I heard the soft knock on the door. “Harry?” Liam called, muffled by the wood.

I sighed. “Yeah?”

He opened the door slowly at first, then stepped in and closed it behind himself. He took a deep breath before beginning. “I used to be able to understand you, Harry.”

I raised an eyebrow slightly, but said nothing.

“I want to understand what’s going on in your life, because even if you’re happy now, I know you weren’t and I feel like I need to be watching out for that, but how can I watch something I never see?” He sighed at sat down on the corner of my bed. I shifted my feet over.

“I’ve said it wrong now. It’s not that I never see you, so much as I have no idea what’s going on. You live here, you work at a bakery a few streets away and you like to wander. You also have a boyfriend, but I know next to nothing about him. I don’t know you like I used to, Harry, and I don’t like watching you slip away. I want to be able to catch you if you fall, but it’s like I don’t even know where you are.”

I sighed. Part of me wanted to tell him. I really did. I didn’t want to cause Liam any more worry than I already had, but…

“There’s not much I can say,” I said.

“You know you can tell me anything. I won’t get really pissed. Promise.”

“You can’t know that, so I can’t tell you.”

He sighed.

“I will tell you eventually. You’ll find out. One day you’ll know everything, and maybe we’ll all live happily ever after.”

“But what are you waiting _for_? I mean, I get that you’re worried about what I’ll do if I know more, but is there really going to be a time when it is safe to tell me?” Liam asked.

“I hope so. I don’t like keeping secrets.”

“Is it his secret, or yours?”

“It’s… It’s really hard to explain the circumstances without giving it away,” I explained. I couldn’t say it was because I feared for Louis’ safety – Liam could guess that he was human. Or worse, one of Simon’s coven. He might not find him, but he’d never be able to accept him, and he’d probably hate me for it.

“How is Zayn involved?” he asked.

I tossed it over in my head before answering. “Zayn… knows everything. Pretty much.”

Liam nodded. “You and Niall used to be so close. He’s not coping with losing you as well as it looks like he is.”

“Don’t mention it to him. I don’t think it would really help the situation.”

“Okay. Just- I know about Zayn, okay? I don’t think he knows I know, but he’s Zayn – he knows everything about everyone. It’s leading me to all sorts of conclusions about you and how well you’re coping, and I thought you should know that.”

“Ah.”

“And, uh, the stake. I know you’re happier now, but I don’t want you to get hurt and do something stupid.”

“Yeah.”

“This boy could be the best thing that ever happened to you, but I don’t know that, and I don’t think I can stop worrying until I do.”

“I get it.”

“Do you?”

“Do you understand my situation?”

“No,” Liam admitted.

“Well, I understand yours better than you understand mine, but if there’s anything I’ve realised in the last few weeks, it’s that you never know people as well as you think you do.”

“That works both ways,” he mused.

I half-smiled. “I know. I also learnt that risks are important, and that you can learn a lot about people and still be astounded by them.”

“Yeah. Well, I’ll leave you be, just don’t keep this from me for any longer than you have to, okay?” Liam asked.

“Okay,” I said. He left. I sighed.

I didn’t do it to hurt him. I think he realised that I didn’t even do it for my own benefit – if something bad were to happen to Louis because of me-

I didn’t want to think about it.

***

Zayn caught me on the way out as I left to go hunt.

“You didn’t tell him, did you?” he asked, jogging to get ahead of me.

“Course not.”

“Will you? Ever?”

I sighed. “I hope so. I just want him to be safe,” I explained.

“I know that. iI don’t know what scenarios Liam’s cooking up in his head, but by telling him half of the story, or less than that, really, you’re giving him the chance to make up his own theories, and some of them might be worse than the actual situation. If you told him now, maybe he’d flip out, but if you wait too long he might become so prepared to kill Louis that he’ll follow you and do it regardless of what you tell him. Timing is key here. You have to tell him soon,” Zayn said.

“I shouldn’t have left last night, should I?” I asked, though it was more of a statement than a question.

“It’s irrelevant, I think. There aren’t too many roads your relationship with Louis, and the coven’s knowledge of him, could have taken. You could have killed him at the start, you could have killed him later, one of us could have killed him… Those are the dangerous ones. When you revealed to Liam that Louis existed, even if you gave him very little information, you limited your options. Liam, and Niall, will find out about Louis now. It’s not a question of if, but when. If you don’t tell them, they will find out by themselves, as they probably would have anyway, assuming you continue your relationship with Louis, which sounds probable. Or Louis could barge in here one day and reveal himself, but I doubt that. One of the others will happen first. Liam’s reaction will probably not be sunshine and rainbows, but if you want my guess, he won’t kill him. Niall is more of a threat at the moment, I believe. When he finds out that this boy is in a way responsible for most of Liam’s recent emotional torment, though I do know that a lot of that was your fault, it isn’t unreasonable that he could lash out. Be careful with that one. You have to tell them, or I will, and that’s a bad idea. They can’t find out for themselves,” Zayn reasoned.

“Sometimes you sound like you know everything,” I commented.

“I don’t.”

“If you were secretly psychic, it wouldn’t shock me.”

“I don’t pretend to know the future, Harry, just people. Sometimes you can be really blind to it, so I figure it’s my duty to help.”

“Huh.”

“But you know who I don’t know? Louis. He- well, you, actually, but that’s not my point. He is the centre of all of this mess. It’s all unpredictable. The bigger worry is how much his mum knows.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have told her. He’s not stupid,” I said.

“I hope so, Harry. I really hope so.”

We ate, and I’m sure the barrier I managed to build between myself and my actions was aided by the plethora of distractions buzzing around in my head at the time. When would I tell them about Louis? How would Liam, and now Niall, react? If they tried to kill Louis, what would I do?

Where did my allegiances lie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry about the wait - I wanted to work out exactly what I'm doing in some of the later chapters so I've been working on that and kind of forgot I hadn't posted this one. Sorry. Hope you liked it! Also if you're into Avatar: The Last Airbender I wrote a Zukaang thing... check it out maybe? Small fandom, I know. Thanks guys.


	22. Procrastinate

Liam and Niall were going to be the biggest thing in my head until I gathered the courage to admit Louis’ humanity to them. It had been fear of their reactions for Louis, but after a while I began to realise that I wasn’t worried just for him any more – I worried for myself. I wasn’t even entirely concerned for my life; that was about half of the problem. Some of it was the fear of disappointing Liam, of losing a friend or a mentor, of causing more complications for the coven. Some of it was akin to stage fright. Then there was judgement, but assuming Louis survived past it, that wasn’t the worst.

Splitting the coven should have been the worst, but it wasn’t. Not for me, not any more. My life had passed the stage where it thought it required only itself and a few optional others to get by; no, I knew who I needed in my life now. Louis was the centre of my personal universe, and he was not an option.

The worst fear was that somehow I’d never see him again. If he lived.

The real worst was that he wouldn’t.

I’d almost managed to tell them once or twice. I knew I had to. Zayn’s pointed looks had gradually increased in frequency after the evasion of Liam and Niall’s questioning after I’d let slip word of Louis’ existence. He’d spoken to me on a few occasions, and though it felt like he’d pushed me over to the side where I’d tell them, I never seemed to budge, even if I tried to myself. I’ll admit I never tried as hard as I could have to do that.

November had come and gone, chills starting to really nip at the extremities of passers-by. Louis had worn a beanie; I’d invested in one myself. The cold didn’t bother me, perhaps, but I wanted to blend in now more than ever. Excepting Louis, I might not have minded invisibility, or perhaps if the ground decided to split in two and swallow me whole, I would not have objected. Anonymity and inconspicuousness were necessary for survival, and with the tension within the coven, I couldn’t afford to bring any in from outside. I shut up and ate like a good boy. I didn’t always go with Zayn, but never with Liam or Niall, and when I was alone, I paid extra attention to making sure I couldn’t be watched. My descent into paranoia was gradual, but not enough that I didn’t notice it, nor that I could do much to stop it. The solution was of course to just get the reveal over and done with, so I suppose I was kind of holding myself in the flames. It was mostly justified in my head, anyway.

Louis and I had only grown closer. Hardly a day went past when we didn’t see each other, even if only for a few minutes. The distance within the coven meant that Liam wasn’t checking up on me so often, so I didn’t really have to _sneak_ out to sleep over at Louis’. Our physical relationship hadn’t progressed as one might have expected, but we were learning each other. He knew me so well sometimes I couldn’t believe just how short a time we’d known each other. He could see that I was sometimes distracted by the circumstances at hand, but he knew better than to ask and could easily distract me back.

It was far from ideal, and everybody involved probably knew that but I could almost block out the negatives enough to appreciate the positives better than ever before. Almost. Sometimes.

I had to do something.

_To: Lou_

_From: Harry_

_Hey, hate to do this to you but I really need to talk over some stuff – meet me outside my block of flats?_

_To: Hazza_

_From: Lou_

_OK I’ll be there in ten. <3 _

 

I grabbed my jacket and shoved my beanie on my head. It was only the middle of December, but the winter was set to be one of the coldest we’d ever had here – it had snowed for most of the first week of the month, though only lightly. My hands would be ice; I’d had no reason to care until now. Who wants to hold a frozen hand, after all? Louis wouldn’t. He wouldn’t say anything, but I’d probably get myself some gloves in the next week or two.

It would take me about a minute to go downstairs to find Louis, and he’d given me ten, but he didn’t often take as long as he said he would. I wasn’t sure if he just had a poor concept of time, if he walked faster than normal getting over here, if he liked to approximate to the nearest five minutes or if he overestimated so I’d always be pleasantly surprised by his arrival rather than anxious to see him and slightly disappointed. It wouldn’t shock me if it was the latter – Louis was overly protective sometimes – he’d clued in to just how much I needed him around me, I guess. Sometimes it was unnecessary, but even if I’d protested it I appreciated the gesture and needed it more than I let on, not that Louis had really ever been hindered by what I tried to keep subtle. He wasn’t stupid, and if I could go back in time and kick myself for ever thinking that, I’d really consider it. Screw paradoxes and theoretical physics; science had never stopped me from doing anything much before.

There were a few things, though, and I’d begun to resent my easily excitable fangs. Considering the amount of damage I could do with them, Louis and I had set a few ground rules which basically boiled down to no blowjobs from me. It was annoying, but we worked around it and he tried to never let me know my hand was no match for that mouth. He’d never given me any sign at all, actually, but I knew Louis better now. I wasn’t stupid either, even if sometimes he made me seem like it.

The other rule was one I had more issues with. It was the “in case of emergency” plan, I suppose. Louis quite like having his neck kissed, I’d learnt early on. That wasn’t perfectly conducive to a relationship with somebody who had to actually put some effort into not giving in and taking what they craved. If I did, no more neck-kissing. It made sense I suppose, but there was something about it that made me uneasy. First, and probably the most fickle, everyone deserves a second chance, right?

Second, was it really safe to wait until something went wrong? I had a lot of fun with it too, but I couldn’t help but think it might be a better idea to be proactive in preventing reason three:

If I did bite him, there’s hardly a chance in the universe that he’d make it out alive. If I was tranced enough to bite the love of my life, I’d be too into it to break off and stop the bleeding. Vampire spit had healing powers, which were useful mostly for healing oneself after sharing blood for a human’s transformation, and also to help keep mealtimes a lot less messy, but I never told Louis because I really didn’t want him to be even more complacent about  his own death than he already was. We were both happier, sure, but who knew how long _that_ would last?

I went downstairs to wait for Louis, outside in the cold. I’d have preferred to stand there for a few minutes than to arrive too late and miss out on my time with him. The sky was a blanket of grey and the bitumen glistened from this morning’s melted sleet, threatening a storm or a dangerous loss of traction respectively, should more layers of black ice freeze over the road. I hadn’t seen that happen since the trip far north – a (thankfully empty) lorry had skidded around a corner in front of me, back end teetering precariously near the open rock face, but not in real danger of unbalancing. I managed to pull the unconscious driver out and called an ambulance for him, but I couldn’t have questions being asked of how he got where he was, so I left before they arrived. I never saw if he was okay. He had a cut over one of his eyes – I didn’t think it would bleed too much more than it had.

Louis half-jogged around the corner after a few minutes, smiling when he saw he’d caught my eye. I smiled back. He slowed his pace, hands stuffed in his pockets. He leaned up to press a quick kiss to my surprised lips.

“What was that for?” I asked. Louis wasn’t normally one for PDA.

“You got a problem with me kissing you?” he questioned, trying to sound tough but letting a grin split his face at the end.

“No?”

“You smiled. For real.”

“Are you still doing that?”

“Sometimes, yeah,” he said. My heart warmed a little. “What did you want to talk about?” It cooled again.

“Ah. That.”

“Yes, that.” He didn’t even know what the “that” was. That was confident of him, especially considering the wording of that text – we need to talk? I realised that that was probably the most intimidating phrasing of asking someone to simply talk. I hoped that wasn’t exactly what I’d sent.

“Well, it’s about Liam, mostly. And Niall,” I began, trying to think of how I could say this without letting him jump to any inconvenient conclusions.

“Okay…?”

“Right, well, they know something’s up, obviously. You know that. Zayn’s just been pressuring me to tell them about you and your, uh, humanity, for a while now because apparently we can’t keep up the charade forever and they’re bound to start jumping to the worst conclusions they can and then what if they follow me one day and see you and then kill you because they’ve come up with some horribly wrong theory about who you are and why I haven’t told them about you? I’m just worried that if I tell them about you they’ll kill you but now I’m worried that they’ll kill you either way and-”

“Shush,” Louis interrupted, putting a finger over my lips. “Nobody’s going to kill me. Stop stressing.”

“You can’t know that,” I mumbled.

“I can’t know a lot of things, but that hasn’t stopped me being right about them before. They know I mean something to you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“They don’t have some other really important reason to kill me?”

“No? If they recognize you, maybe.”

“I’ll be fine. Just stand sort of in front of me and warn them _before_ you bring me over, okay? Like, not that I’m human, just that I’m going to be there.”

I sighed. “Okay.”

“You’re so scared about this. Shouldn’t I be the nervous one?” he joked.

“Probably. I guess it’s about as close as you’re going to get to meeting the parents.”

“Well, you’ve already met mine, sort of.”

“Sort of. Not your dad, though.”

“Oh, uh, he’s dead.”

“Oh. Sorry I brought it up and all.”

“I’m used to it now. I was seven, but he wasn’t around much even then.” Louis sighed, looking out onto the road for a moment. “Mum found Mark soon after and they, uh, tried to rebuild the family, I guess.”

“So those sisters of yours are only half-sisters, then?” I asked.

“Yeah. But then he left, just a few years ago. No idea where to. Mum practically kicked me out of the house. I got to see them a bit, but it was still hard.”

“Ouch,” I said.

“Yeah.”

We stood in silence. Family was a tough topic for both of us, I realized. I suppose I’d always had some idea of that, but never like this. Louis’ world could be darker than my own, sometimes. I didn’t want him to have to put up with half the stuff I did, but it seemed like he’d handle it better anyway. I wasn’t putting up with too much anymore. We _were_ happy. I was finally happy. It was nice to be able to appreciate the good things without having to focus on the bad so much.

There were still things to focus on, though. I didn’t have a clue as to when Louis should be introduced to the coven as himself, thanks to Zayn’s vague (and repeated) “soon”. They’d already met him, which in this case was going to be unhelpful. I was putting off the inevitable, but it was an inevitable disaster of sorts. I hoped I was helping by waiting, but I’d long since given up on that idea. So as soon as possible, really. Did I have the guts?

“So when should we tell them?” I asked. Best to get Louis’ opinion, seeing as it was his life on the line.

“Soon. If not this week, no later than next. Something tells me you need a couple days at least to prepare yourself mentally,” he noted.

I sighed. “Yeah, probably.”

“How are we going to do this? Like, should I just stand there with you and hope for the best, or should you tell them and then have me walk in or something?”

“I don’t know. Wear a scarf, just in case,” I added.

He smirked. “Totally vampire-proof.”

“You’d be surprised.”

He stared at me.

“Okay, it’s hardly going to slow them down at all, and I don’t know that I could fight Liam and Niall off you even with the delay of them pushing a scarf off of you. Besides, if they just want to kill you, they’ll snap your neck and then somebody will, uh, take advantage of a free meal before it spoils.”

He cringed. “What about Zayn?”

“He’ll be there, whatever happens. I’ll warn him. He needs to be in on it; he’s the only vamp on my side here if things get out of hand. That doesn’t mean he will intervene physically though. He can usually keep them calm, but if not, I can’t guarantee that he won’t just stand there and leave you to die. He won’t join in, though, at least not until you’re dead. Probably not even then – he doesn’t drink dead, but I suppose it doesn’t really matter by then.”

“Not really. Try not to leave me a mangled corpse.”

“We can be neat. It just means we’re more likely to get caught, but if I haven’t been officially kicked out, we’ll probably just run. Witch revenge and all that. Your mum would want us dead, though she probably sort of does already. We’ll have no choice – legging it to Scotland, Germany maybe if we’re really screwed. Zayn probably speaks enough to get us by for a few years while we hide out, the multi-lingual know-it-all.”

“I thought that was Liam?”

“Nah, just French. Languages are very useful to the undead,” I said, trying to act as though he might need to remember that someday.

“I’m sure they are.” He pulled me into a hug; I wrapped my arms around him tightly. “Text me when you know what we’re doing. Or call. I don’t know. Whatever. See ya!” he called, starting to walk off.

“Bye,” I said, waving a little before letting my hand drop awkwardly once he passed the corner. I sighed. _We’re going to make it through this,_ I told myself.

_We’re going to be okay._


	23. Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. I had assignments (and I wrote like 4k on this terribly self-indulgent crossover I'm doing... and I found a new ship and you guys should go see Captain America 2 it's awesome) but I'm very proud of this one =)
> 
> Also trigger warning for references to suicide. There's been much worse in here before.

Whatever the outcome, the timing of the reveal was an important discussion between Zayn and me for the next few days. Everybody had to be home for it, so that left Tuesday afternoon or Thursday morning, plus most nights. Zayn had to work on Thursday afternoon, and I didn’t really want to keep him from that, should any disasters happen, so we ruled that one out. Tuesday afternoon was sounding like the best option.

I didn’t want to do it at night, though Zayn argued that it wasn’t an option we should just ignore. The sun weakened us, just a bit, so even though it would affect me too, I figured Louis was in the least danger if we did this during the day. The effect would be marginal, but if worst came to worst, Louis could run away much more easily in the sun. Nobody would want to risk exposing themselves just to chase him down, right?

Because of that, the afternoon was a risk in itself. If somebody forgot that we needed to hide, we would be found out so much more easily than at night.

Location had the same issue. Originally I’d just assumed we’d tell them in the flat, but Zayn’s idea of a public place was tempting – how badly could they react in front of people? It wouldn’t have to be entirely out in the open, just somewhere too open to cause much of a scene. It would limit how much we could discuss, depending on where exactly, but Louis would be safer. Somewhere with multiple exits. Somewhere we knew better than they did, hopefully.

I knew just the place. But…

Nope. It would work.

I pulled out my phone, running through possible better alternatives in my head. This should be the best. I opened up the contact and called.

“ _Oh! Hi Harry. What’s up?”_

“Hey Ed. Not much. Just hoping I could ask a favour of sorts.”

“ _Maybe. What is it?”_

I should have thought up a lie earlier. “Um, see, Louis’ family’s having some big get-together thing on Saturday, and he was hoping I’d go with.”

“ _So…?”_ Ed prompted.

“We’re supposed to be working then – I was wondering if maybe we could trade shifts with you and Perrie so we work Tuesday afternoon and you guys do Saturday morning? Just this once?”

“ _I think we’re on Saturday afternoon already, but if it’s okay with Perrie, it’s okay with me. Nice to see you two happy together, by the way.”_

“Thanks, mate. Say, I can never work it out. Are you and Perrie a thing, or what?”

I had to hold the phone away from my ear for a moment while Ed laughed his head off at the idea.

_“Nope, not at all. Best of friends and ridiculously efficient partners in crime and cookery, but it’s never been anything more than that and I’m sure it never will.”_

“Alright, alright. I read too much into things,” I admitted.

“ _That you do. I’ll call Perrie and text you back, okay?”_

“Right. Bye.”

“ _Bye Harry.”_ He hung up. Now, to wait.

My phone buzzed in my hand a few minutes later.

_To: Harry_

_From: Ed_

_Saturday/Tuesday switch is go. Have fun with Louis ;)_

_-Ed_

I chose to ignore the wink. It was a _family_ event I’d concocted, though maybe he’d heard enough to realize I was lying and had made up his own story.

That seemed likely. So much for me being the one who read too much into things. I’d just asked a question.

Anyway, phase one of the plan was complete. Now for phase two…

I texted Louis to say we’d be taking the Tuesday afternoon shift and not the Saturday.

_To: Haz <3_

_From: Lou_

_Interesting choice of location. (I think). What’s the plan?_

_To: Lou_

_From: Haz <3_

_I’ll fill you in on the way to work tomorrow. There’s not really that much of a plan._

I sighed and fell back against the pillows, putting my phone on the bedside table. I had too much to worry about to sleep, but I tried to let it overtake me anyway. I probably slept more than I thought I did, seeing as I only felt moderately crap on a Monday morning. I opened the curtains to see a disturbingly bright sky on bright snow. So it had snowed overnight, then. I closed the curtain and got dressed to go over to Louis’ place so we could talk over the plan. The Plan, as it were.

He was waiting for me just outside his block of flats just like I had a few days earlier. Welcoming, anticipating, cold.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hello. So what’s the plan?”

I huffed. “So much for small talk, I guess.” We started walking. “Tuesday afternoon, you and I will be working at the bakery up until closing time at five. The night shift doesn’t start until after eight, when Lin and what’s-her-face set up all the dough to leaven overnight, so once we close to the public, Liam, Niall and Zayn will meet us there and basically, we tell them.”

“Okay,” Louis said. “A few questions. First, who’s telling them? You or me?”

“Me. I know them. If all goes well you’ll probably say hello, but that’s about it. Otherwise you’ll probably want to just stay silent to avoid, uh, angering anybody unnecessarily.”

“Pft. That’s a lot of uncertainty. I don’t usually appreciate being silenced.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. I just don’t want to risk it,” I said.

“I know. I’ll be good. Second question, why the bakery? Why not, like, your flat or something?” Louis asked.

“I wanted a fairly public place so if anything goes wrong they can’t just kill you, but private enough that we can talk. There are multiple exits and you know the place better than Niall does. The flat would be difficult if this doesn’t go smoothly, and we both know it won’t be perfect.”

“You can’t know that.”

I sighed. “Trust me on this one. Better to be safe than sorry.”

“Have you told Zayn everything yet? I’d imagine he’d get a more detailed version with the ‘what-ifs’ of all possible disasters.”

“Haven’t told him _everything_ yet – that’s for this afternoon. We’ve discussed parts of it, but I was still working out the, uh, venue. He doesn’t want you to be killed any more than I do, and he probably will butt in to help where he feels he should, but Zayn’s not stupid. He didn’t say it, but if he thinks intervening will get him killed, he won’t do it. I haven’t come up with a list of possibilities we’ll have to prepare for, but the main objective is obvious: to get you in and out of there alive. Zayn will work out those possibilities and his appropriate reactions on his own, I’m sure, if he thinks they’ll help. Mostly we’re playing this by ear,” I admitted.

“That’s okay. If we had a plan, I’m sure we wouldn’t end up following it exactly anyway.”

“We have a plan!” I protested. “It’s just unspecific.”

“Date, time and location don’t make a plan. You need a bit more than that, I think.”

I stopped him, putting a hand on each of Louis’ shoulders and looking him in the eye. “The name’s unimportant. I don’t care if it’s a proper plan or not, I care about keeping you here, alive, with me. I’m not going to lose you, okay?”

“Don’t you worry. I’ll be fine, just you wait.”

I sighed. “I wish I could think like that sometimes.”

Louis pulled me into a hug. “So do I,” he said quietly. I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I pretended I didn’t hear it. He knew I did, but he didn’t care. I appreciated that about him – the ability to honestly not require a reaction to everything he said. He nearly always got one from me, I suppose, but I figured it was mostly due to him being able to rely on himself without others’ judgements and opinions. He didn’t need it, he just liked it sometimes. Everybody did.

I probably did too much.

Louis was determined. I figured it was to be positive and to live. The silences were edgy, but not in a threatening way at all. We had a job to do now, and we’d have a job to do tomorrow and we would make it out the other end unscathed. Who knew silences could be motivational?

***

The sun was just starting to tint the sky orange as Louis and I cleaned up from Tuesday’s shift and prepared ourselves for the big reveal. We stacked the chairs to the side and made sure there was nothing in the way of either of the exits. The street was quieter than I would have liked, but thankfully not empty. I took a deep breath and tried to let it out slowly to calm myself. Louis noticed.

“We are going to be fine, Harry. Nobody is going to die today, alright?”

I let the rest of the breath out in a huff. “Yeah. Okay,” I said, far from convinced, but at least mildly reassured.

“I will shut up, and you will just introduce me, right?” He put an arm around my shoulders. I’d never been more anxious about anything in my life. He tried to look at my face, but when I flinched away he just pulled my arms around his shoulders and wrapped his around my waist, drawing me into a firm hug. “Seriously, stop it. They’re gonna be here any minute now.”

I squeezed him back. “Huh. Okay. Yep. Showtime,” I said.

“That’s it.”

I could see them down the street walking towards us. Zayn wouldn’t have told them much at all, except that I wanted to see them, so they were justified in being suspicious. Their movements were defensive – they wanted to remain alert. I wasn’t sure if they’d done it on purpose, but they walked in formation, a triangle with Liam at the front. Zayn would have led them, but I guessed that Liam had stepped in front, and whether Zayn was intimidated or merely wishing to go with the flow, we weren’t off to the greatest start.

Liam opened the door and held it for the other two before reclaiming his place in the centre of the two, Niall on his right and Zayn on his left. Zayn moved out to the side and stood leaning against the wall halfway between us and them, ready to spring into action, should the situation require it. Louis stood politely just behind my right shoulder, and I could tell Niall’s frown of confusion was meant for both of us. I hoped it was just confusion. I let out the breath I was holding as quietly as I could, slipping into my collected façade.

“Thanks for coming,” I began, thinking a “hello” would be a little out of place.

“Zayn didn’t tell us anything except that you wanted to see us, but that there was no reason to worry. Just so we’re on the same page,” Liam said.

“They’re not worrying for your life, but telling someone that never really does what it’s supposed to,” Zayn explained.

“Alright then. This is Louis. You’ve met him before,” I said, gesturing to him. He held a hand up as a quick wave, but said nothing. Liam frowned a little, but nodded, whether in greeting to Louis or acknowledgement of my statement, I was unsure. Niall’s eyes widened. I tried to ignore that they were red. At least nobody was killing anyone for being human yet. It wouldn’t have shocked me if Liam was already starting to suspect the reasons for our meeting, but Niall wasn’t.

“He’s been working at this bakery since mid-October,” I said.

Liam stiffened, and Niall frowned. The peaceful confusion was gone; I continued anyway.

“He’s also my boyfriend.”

Liam look at me like all hope had just been shattered. “ _Harry-”_

“And he knows _everything_ ,” Niall spat. “Doesn’t he? Because, no, you couldn’t just go find a vampire from some other coven. Hell, you could be fucking Simon, and I don’t think it would be this bad.” Liam and I winced. Niall really had no idea of the gravity of that, and I didn’t want to explain it to him. Or Louis “You couldn’t have just found some _other_ human, no, it had to be this _very specific_ one. The one you almost killed, revealed the existence of the supernatural to and, oh, I don’t know, has a family full of witches!” He laughed once, somewhat hysterically. “I mean, I knew you were stupid sometimes, but really, Harry? You just have to fuck everything up, don’t you? We were perfectly safe, perfectly happy and then you just crushed it. You think it’s okay to endanger us all, just because you only think with your dick? You used to be better than this. You were my best mate, but you threw it all to shit for a good fuck. Or can you not even do that? Oo scared to hurt him? Or maybe you already have. Got yourself your own personal blood bank, have you? Just heal him after every go. No more killing, even if you’re starving yourself a bit. You’d have to, or he’d be dead. And you think he’s a good enough reason to practically sentence us to death? Fuck you, Harry. Fuck you.”

His words cut like knives. He might not have been right about the blood, but everything else hit far too close to home. I stood there gaping. So did Liam. Zayn had moved away from the wall in a more defensive stance, though he wouldn’t intervene until he absolutely had to. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I should be defending Louis and protesting Niall’s claims, but I just couldn’t-

“No.”

Louis’ voice rang out in the silence. All eyes turned to him as he stepped out from behind me. I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from going near Niall, but he shrugged it off, stopping just in front of me anyway.

“I’m sorry?” Niall asked, incredulous.

“Fuck you,” Louis said. “Harry didn’t ask you guys here so you could insult him about his life choices. He did it as a show of trust, and you betrayed that.”

Niall crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

“You two used to be best friends, you said. I haven’t heard too much about that, but where have you been for Harry at all in the last two months? You’ve been the biggest complication for him being himself for most of the time I’ve been here, even if he thought it was you.” He nodded towards Liam, who didn’t react. “I mean, you didn’t help much either, but whatever.” Liam shrugged. “We don’t talk about it much, but you can’t think his life was perfect until I showed up. You must be so thick to not be able to see the pool of guilt he’s trying to live in. It’s not my fault he actually cares about human life, you know. More than his own, even, and if I wasn’t here for him when you guys weren’t, do you think he wouldn’t have used that stake already?”

“He’s right,” Zayn said. Everybody turned. “What’s the point of living, ever? Humans have it easy. They’re told what to do pretty much from when they’re born, and soon enough they know that probably within eighty of ninety years of then it will all be gone. Not everyone gets that, but it’s short. It’s long, too, but it will definitely end, so there’s reason to stick around and try to make everyone else’s time better. Or your own. They can help the world be better for everyone, to make the completely insignificant and yet overwhelmingly important notion of human life continue. I mean, so what if everyone dies? Nothing really matters. Life is an illusion, so is time, so is death. The only thing that happens with everyone dying is everyone dying, but you lot are so hell-bent on that not happening.

“Vampires are different. Some are the same, sure, but Harry? He knows logically that his life will end someday. Someone will kill him. But it’s so much less finite for us, so he might as well have forever. Why wait around if he’s not doing anyone any good? In his eyes, he was just a killer, but then Louis showed up, and now he has something interesting enough to keep him from being suicidally bored. Louis depends on him too, I think, so he finally has something keeping him here. The guilt got worse, even, but Harry stayed with us, and Louis was there for him. I can’t say when, but without Louis, he would have done it. I live for myself, you and Liam live for each other, is it so hard to see that Harry lives for Louis? They’re complete idiots, and maybe we’ll get caught up in a war again, but I’d never even met Louis until now and part of me just wants to hug him for doing everything I couldn’t for Harry. I mean, we have met before, but in the same sense that you guys have, and I don’t really count it. They love each other, and they need each other so much. You can’t judge that. Louis’ not going to kill all of us, so shut up and treat him like a person.”

Zayn was almost directly in the middle of them and us now, just a bit over to the side. If there was going to be violence, we all knew we had about two seconds until Niall exploded.

Liam, Zayn and I stood coiled like springs as Niall’s brain whirred, facial expression shifting between anger, betrayal, sadness, confusion, distrust and guilt before settling.

He didn’t give an explanation, and I’d have been stupid to expect an apology. He just up and left.

I sighed in relief as Liam sighed in his own surrender. “I’ll go get him,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“We will probably have to talk more about this later, too, but it’s not really that important, I guess, or we would have already known.”

“Yeah.”

He left too, and Zayn followed, sensing that we’d need the time alone. I turned to Louis and threw my arms around his waist, picking him up and spinning him around. He laughed, and I set him down on his feet, embarrassed.

“Well…” I began.

“We’re alive,” he said.

“Yeah,” I breathed. I held a hand out. “Let’s go home, hey? Your place.”

He grabbed the hand. “Sure.”

“Oh! Uh, sorry. Just- I’ll be right back,” I said, half-running to the back door and locking it for the night, then back to Louis. “Right then, home.”

Louis laughed, taking my hand again. “Yeah.”

We walked to his flat. He reheated something for dinner later. We made fun of some girly sitcom, and made out intermittently for much of the night. He’d just changed into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth for bed when he brought it up.

“Hey Harry?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“What Zayn said… was he right?”

 I got up from my place on his couch and walked over to him. “Which bit? He talks a lot.”

“Do we love each other?”

I froze for a second, then replied. “You know what? I think we do. Do you?”

“Yeah. I think we do,” he said, before pulling my lips to his in what was probably our most meaningful kiss yet. He pulled away for air after a while, vivid blue eyes staring deep into mine in the low light.

“I love you, Harry.”

“I love you too.”


	24. Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit happened and I apologise for my unannounced hiatus.  
> Also, I'm back from said hiatus. Hello! Have a chapter. Sorry.

Our little bubble of bliss was as serene as it ever was. Louis and I lay in his bed, covers thrown haphazardly over the two of us, pulled close by Louis’ right hand. I could feel his left around my middle, clutching me to him. I sighed contentedly and wiggled back further into his warmth. He shifted, tugging the blanket tighter around him, still asleep. I frowned.

But what had I expected? A perfectly unspoiled morning? I should have known by now that things just didn’t tend to work that way. I shrugged out of Louis’ hold as gently as I could so as not to wake him up and poked around in his cupboard until I found a blanket. I laid it over his sleeping form, trying to tuck it in closely. He’d warm up soon enough.

I sat on the corner of his bed and watched him sleep. We had to work today, but I’d woken up early – I wouldn’t need to wake him for another half an hour, at least. Louis’ face was so at peace when he slept like this. I could see the tension drip out of his body as warmth replaced my cold touch. He seemed younger. We’d both grown up so much. I’d learned to let him in, and he’d managed to take care of me.

Our relationship was still a little one-sided in that regard. Louis had saved me more than he could ever know, and probably more than even I realized, but I’d brought him more trouble than he had ever deserved. I couldn’t be the perfect guy for him, though I’d certainly never give up trying. I was no superman – how could I be? All the things that made me what I was just seemed to push him away. I couldn’t keep him warm, even. It was a bit pathetic. I loved him, but I couldn’t help but wish I could be more for him.

Louis was just the caring type, and right now? Two months ago? Yeah, I needed that. I just hoped I could be there for him like he was for me. For now, I’d have to accept it.

The bubble had popped, yes, but that’s what bubbles do. You enjoy them while they last, shimmering in the sunlight with strange rainbows until they thin out and burst at their weakest. You smile, and then you make some more. You don’t cry because it’s over, you smile because it happened, right?

His hair was in his face again, and ruffled up against the pillow. I could only see one half of his face but this- this look of calm, of happiness, of trust – that’s what I was here for. I could smile about that. I tried.

There were good days, and there were bad days. This was somewhere in between, I supposed, but closer to bad. So far, Louis would tell me. You can’t discount the rest of the day just because the morning wasn’t perfect and glorious and wonderful. I couldn’t keep holding the world to unrealistic expectations, and sometimes I really needed to appreciate what I did have.

I knew that, but it was easier said than done, for sure.

There were a lot of things around us, waiting to pop that bubble again and again and again. Niall, for starters. The witch.

I could go on about not being worthy of Louis as a person for a very long time, if I chose to let my thoughts follow that road. I tried not to let them do that. It tended to ruin my mood, and I’d worked out that that wasn’t particularly conducive to keeping a situation free from negativity for myself, or for Louis.

The worst parts, though, were the ones I couldn’t change at all.

I was a vampire, and Louis was a human, and the superficialities of that continued to remind me of just how quickly the less superficial parts could tear us apart. My body didn’t waste energy on staying warm like his did. It took that energy from the blood of others. It craved. I craved, sometimes. I was stronger, faster, more efficient. I was made to kill, and he was made to die, and maybe together we weren’t made to love.

But when I could forget all about that and just focus on Louis it felt so _right_. I wanted to never lose him. I wanted him safe in my arms, with me.

My presence wasn’t exactly the safest place for any human. I’d used those arms more to kill than to hold, and though Louis might have been safer in them than anyone else, it was a stark reminder of everything I couldn’t be to him. I couldn’t keep him warm on winter nights. I couldn’t grow up with him. I couldn’t eat with him. Hell, I couldn’t even suck his dick. We had limits that we couldn’t just ignore.

I did, at least.

Louis had a future ahead of him. Soon enough I’d just be living the past until someone ended it for me, or I did.

I sighed, troubled by the idea. The future. It was daunting to anyone, I supposed, lying back down beside Louis on top of the covers. I’d wake him in a few minutes. He was so peaceful, so alive even when he was this still. His chest rose slightly with each breath, and I could feel his exhales as soft puffs of air on my shoulder. He was beautiful like this. Soft. Warm. Fragile. I hesitated for a moment, but then pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes as gently as I could, trying to keep my probably icy hand from touching his skin. He shifted, eventually blinking his eyes open. I put on a smile, and he grinned back sleepily. “Hey beautiful,” he said, sitting up with a yawn.

“Hi gorgeous,” I replied. The smile was much more real now. It was funny how Louis could do that to me. I pressed a kiss to his hair, and he gave me a look before pulling me in for a real one. It wasn’t heated, just loving and caring, and a little sleepy.

Louis was probably awake enough to realise I was quite as upbeat as I acted somewhere in the middle of his bowl of cereal, but he didn’t say anything. Why perpetuate the negativity by discussing it unnecessarily, right?

“I used to always think of you as a toast guy,” I admitted.

“It changes every so often,” he began. “I’ll pick up a routine breakfast food for a couple months and mostly stick to it, but then I’ll get sick of it and move on.”

“So you were a toast guy way back when we first met, then. When did that change?” I asked, honestly curious. Humans were weird.

“Actually, I liked this cereal back then, too. But if you have ten quid to go buy breakfast foods, and you don’t think you’re going to eat too much of it, why buy a big box of cereal and some milk? It would have been a bit of a waste - I didn’t even know if you had a fridge. Come to think of it, what did you do with the rest of that bread?”

“Uh, nothing, actually. It’s probably still sitting in the drawer where I left it, actually.”

“Harry, take a look at that bread when you get home for me, alright?” Louis asked, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Why would- Oh. _Oh._ Uh, shit. That’s probably not even gonna be recognizable now, is it?” Vague memories of green and blue fuzz took over my thoughts.

I hadn’t seen much of it on bread, actually. No good bakery sells yesterday’s loaves, let alone something old enough to grow mould. I’d encountered the stuff once or twice as a child, and then on the walls of Liam’s apartment when we’d first met. This was not going to be pretty. “What do I do with it?” I asked, vaguely remembering, well, not much.

“Just throw it out. Don’t open the plastic, okay? Spores are supposed to be dangerous, but they probably wouldn’t do anything to you, I bet.”

“Yeah, probably not. I’m going to be thinking about that stupid loaf of bread all day, aren’t I?”

“Yup.” Louis grinned. “Serves you right for not cleaning up after yourself.”

“Excuse me? It was your toast,” I said, smile breaking through my exaggerated dramatics.

“You paid for and kept the bread.”

“Oh, so is that how it’s going to be, then?” I was grinning too now, walking over to Louis. “I- uh, yeah, okay. You win. Damn it.”

“Thanks,” Louis replied, smug as a cat with a mouse.

I sighed. “Come on, or we’ll be late.”

“Okay, okay. Give me a second,” he whined, picking up his bowl and cleaning it out before putting it in the dishwasher. “See? You don’t just leave things in the sink. I put the milk away before I even staring eating – you have a lot to learn about the appropriate storage of perishables.”

I groaned. “You’ve made your point. Honestly, though? I don’t think it would have mattered where I put that bread; it would still be terribly mouldy.”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“Except maybe if I froze it. Can you do that with bread? I don’t know.”

“Harry,” he said sternly, apron in hand.

“Fine! Okay, let’s go.”

I kissed him briefly in the elevator.

The shift passed by as expected – not all that bad and interspersed with jokes of mould whenever there were absolutely no customers anywhere near us. One couldn’t be too careful about that; I didn’t want to lose my job because somebody called a health inspector. It wasn’t like they’d find anything nasty, but it wouldn’t look great for the bakery to be swarmed by picky bureaucrats with clipboards and there was always the risk they’d ask around and discover my serious lack of documentation.

I was paid in cash for a reason. If I’d kept my old identification papers from before I was turned, someone would notice I wasn’t the seventy-two-year-old man I claimed to be, even if I was, so every few years, we’d all move far away and start again so nobody could suspect we weren’t aging. Unfortunately, there were only so many people who could forge that sort of thing, and those who could likely wouldn’t do it for a bunch of teenagers who probably couldn’t afford it anyway. This meant the usual cover story ended up being that we were illegal immigrants, which was actually true most of the time.

It wasn’t exactly easy to find a place for all of us where an employer could overlook that, but we’d managed. Working separately made this more difficult, but it would be much easier to track three (hopefully four, soon enough) guys who work together and keep moving than three who didn’t. The lack of documentation did keep us fairly anonymous, too, so we could keep our first names most of the time. Zayn had switched his from Zayn to Zain a few times, but Harry and Liam were common enough we could get away with it. Also not paying taxes was a bonus. I had felt bad about that, but we weren’t making use of the emergency services, we didn’t go to school, we didn’t vote, we didn’t have a car and I didn’t think any of us had used a public library in years, at the least, so eventually I realised it wasn’t a big deal. To anyone we hadn’t actually met, we didn’t exist.

Ed and Perrie arrived during the usual 2pm lull.

“So we’re still on for Saturday?” Ed asked, tying up his apron.

“Yep,” I replied. Louis nodded.

Ed smirked. “Have fun,” he sing-songed, winking suggestively.

“It bothers me that you choose to jump to that conclusion. It’s one morning, where’s the logic in using it for _that_ when we could have used Tuesday afternoon? And night?” I complained. “We do actually have that, uh, family reunion,” I said, grasping for whatever I might have said to Ed about it previously.

Perrie narrowed her eyes, then relaxed. “No, you don’t. You suck at lying. But that’s okay. We can still do Saturday, I don’t give a shit about what you’re really doing. I know you guys are fu- finding new hobbies, so do what you want.” She glanced over at the young family that had just walked in. I raised my eyebrows.

“Nice save,” Louis murmured. Perrie scowled as Ed went to take their order.

“ _Anyway_ , I was going to say I’m having a Christmas party this year. Bring your friends. My place, seven o’clock. Christmas Eve, not, like, the actual _day,_ I mean, where’s the fun in that? But yeah. Bring a food thing, if you want, but we’re not doing presents because I don’t know exactly who’s coming. Seriously, Harry, bring your friends. I need to meet people, okay? Cool. See you then.”

She all but shoved us out the door.

“O… kay?”

“Well that was the classiest party invite I’ve ever received,” Louis said. I rolled my eyes.

“It was a bit sudden, wasn’t it?”

“Mm. You doing anything else then, or should we go?” he asked.

“Free, I think. It’s not really my scene, though. Did you want to go?”

“Of course I do. It’ll be the best birthday party I’ve had in years, even though you’d be the only other person there who’d know.”

I glanced over at him. “You think I wouldn’t yell it out so everyone knew and could embarrass you?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, good luck with that,” he said.

I frowned at the floor as I walked. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, looking up.

Louis winced slightly. “You going to ask your bunch to come to the party?”

“Maybe. Perrie’s been bugging me about it for a while now. Stop changing the topic, though.”

He sighed. “You’re a lot more confident than you used to be, Harry, but your mental image of yourself seems much more… impulsive, than you are. Spontaneous, or outgoing, maybe. You’re pretty open to me, but I can’t quite picture you making that much of a scene,” he admitted.

“Oh.” My face fell.

“Oh, Haz, don’t do this. You’re so much happier now, don’t do this to me.” He stopped walking and pulled me into his arms. I let myself relax a little.

“It’s not that, exactly. It’s just… you’re right. I’m still a shut-in. I should be putting myself out more. I should be finding friends and living a life but I can’t, okay? I can’t make those sorts of connections, and most of that is probably to do with my headspace right now instead of my, uh, biology, but if it wasn’t, I’d have the same troubles anyway.” I pulled away and stuck my hands in my pockets, walking again.

“You told me everything.”

“And how well did that turn out? You’ve kind of saved my life, but everyone that knows is a risk, and we can’t handle risking that much. At the time, I should never have said a thing. Should have just never run into you in the first place. You turning out like this is just sheer dumb luck,” I mumbled.

Louis laughed once: lively, but I could feel the twinge of sadness at the end. “It’s nice to think I’m thought of as your great strike of luck, but don’t you ever think maybe you don’t have to be quite so detached? I’m not saying you should tell them the secret, or go put yourself out on Facebook or something, just there are people in your life who already care about you, you know? Ed and Perrie are probably the closest human friends you have, and I know you guys get along great, but you’re so careful not to let anything of yourself slip it’s painful to watch. Just don’t lock other people out so much, maybe. I don’t know. You listen, and you’ll follow a conversation, but you never supply anything.”

“What do I have to supply? My repertoire of life events suitable for discussion is kind of limited.”

“I know. You’ll find something, eventually,” he said.

“That would be nice. I’m happy enough listening, though,” I admitted. Louis smiled at me sadly.

“Alright.” He wrapped his arm around my waist. I put mine around his shoulders. We were already walking slowly. It was nice to be out and about with Louis, even if our topics of discussion got a bit close to heart sometimes. It was nice to be anywhere with Louis, I supposed, but our little walk-and-talks were special. Peaceful.

We stopped outside his block of flats. I kissed him quickly, and he blushed pink. I smiled.

“Hey, how come I never get to walk you home?” Louis asked.

“Your flat is closer to the bakery.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. I sighed.

“Until yesterday it would have been risking your life to be even close to my flat. Now it probably still is, but Liam won’t kill you, at least. Niall… well, he doesn’t like you much, and he’s not exactly the best at controlling himself around people, but I don’t think he’d try anything unless you gave him a better reason to. He’s… it’s complicated. I’ll talk to him, eventually. It wouldn’t shock me if he’s avoiding me now, not that I’ve been close enough to know. It’s not personal. Someday you’ll be able to come over, I hope. Someday soon. Just not now.”

“Yeah, I get it. Living, and all. You’ll have to sort it out if you want them to come to Perrie’s party, and I know she wants them to, even if she’s never seen them before.”

“I know. I’m not sure I want them to come, actually, but I guess I do have a lot to talk through with them, don’t I?”

“Yep, you do. You really do,” Louis said, gazing off into the distance.

“We’ll get there someday. It’ll get better, right?” I asked.

“Of course it will. Sometimes you’ve just got to help fix it,” he said.

“Right. Fixing it.”

I could do that.


	25. Intent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut. Things are going to get interesting pretty soon, I hope. Sorry about stupid update schedule. Kind of moved fandoms in the last year or so. Also realising my planning was crap.

“I’m not going to apologise right now.”

I let the door to the flat click shut behind me. “I didn’t think you would, either,” I said. Niall winced slightly.

“Not yet. But I do think you need to know I’m not going to kill the human. Not on purpose.”

“That’s good,” I commented warily, slowly returning my keys to my pocket. Niall stood with his arms crossed: defensive, but not overtly threatening.

“I think you’re endangering us by seeing him, mostly because of his mother being a witch.”

I nodded.

“But I’m not going to intervene, because it’s been going on for what, two months now? Nothing too serious has happened in that time, so until we get attacked, I’ll try to keep my mouth shut. However,” – shit – “I don’t want one of them anywhere near Liam. The witches. You get my boyfriend killed, Harry, and this is gone. I’m not making any promises here. No explicit threats, you know why?”

I shook my head.

“Because I don’t know what I’d do without Liam, okay? But I don’t want this to drive a wedge between us any more than it already has. You’re a part of this coven, and you used to be my best friend, and maybe I need to respect your life choices as long as they don’t interfere with mine. I don’t want to be involved, and while I respect his free will and all, keep Liam out of it. Got it?”

“Yeah. No harm comes to Liam. I got it.”

“Okay then.” Niall turned and walked off to his and Liam’s room. I went to mine.

No Christmas party for Niall, then. I’d already accepted that, really. No Liam either, but that was okay. I wouldn’t mention it to either – I didn’t think they’d feel left out, exactly, but I didn’t want to put them in the position of having to explicitly refuse the invitation after I’d just been told to keep Liam out of everything involving Louis.

Zayn, on the other hand, would probably want to go. Then I would only be bringing one extra person to Perrie’s party, which seemed more polite, anyway. I wasn’t exactly sure what Perrie meant by party, considering she’d said to bring food. I figured it wouldn’t be particularly wild and alcohol-fuelled. That was a good thing, except people might be sober enough to notice I wasn’t eating. I could eat, I supposed. It wouldn’t be much fun later, but it was definitely a way to avoid suspicion if I had to. I wasn’t going to skip out just because there was a chance I’d have to throw something up later, and Louis wanted to go – it would be interesting to spend some time with him around other people.

I’d pulled out my phone, about to text Zayn, when Niall knocked on my door, opening it without waiting for my answer and peeking around it, not fully in the room. I’d have rolled my eyes if our current situation was less tense. “Yes?” I asked, looking up from my phone but not putting it down.

“Just figured I should add that if you bring Louis over here – which I think it’s probably not in my power to prohibit – don’t expect me to be social, don’t let him in my room, don’t let him touch my guitar or the PlayStation, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, grumbling internally. Niall was being a bit picky. It wasn’t his PlayStation specifically, but then I could find other stuff to do with Louis if I wanted to. This was almost more accepting than I’d been expecting. I sighed as he left and closed the door, returning to my phone.

 

_To: Zayn_

_From: Harry_

_Perrie’s throwing a Christmas party and wants me to invite friends – you free?_

Zayn’s reply came a few seconds later.

 

_To: Harry_

_From: Zayn_

_At work, talk later, maybe_

Zayn’s supervisor was even more easily annoyed by texting at work than Liam’s. I usually remembered that.

Okay, I frequently forgot about that. But it wasn’t really urgent, he could have waited to text back if he wanted to. Or he could have kept his phone turned off and checked it at the end of his shift, but that was usually not a good idea in case of vampire-related emergencies. Mostly my fault, then. I made a mental note to apologise the next time I saw him.

Zayn would usually get home around quarter to five, and it was only just two now. I had hours to kill. It wasn’t long before I have up and texted Louis. It seemed like I spent more time with him than without, but I knew I minded that a lot less than I tried to make myself think. I’d figured it best that Louis didn’t monopolise the time I spent around other sentient creatures (something to do with the preservation of what remained of my sanity – my conscience had become Zayn, basically) but then I remembered that I loved him, and didn’t give two shits about what mental-Zayn had to say about it. I didn’t want to become a bother to Louis for seeming so… clingy… but I was pretty sure mental-Zayn would tell me to stop thinking of myself as bothersome.

_To: Lou_

_From: Harry_

_I have about 2hrs to kill – are you free?_

I smirked at his reply. The guy really liked to text sassily, and in long sentences.

 

 

_To: Hazza_

_From: Lou_

_It amuses me that you seem to have no way to spend your free time besides with me. Come on over ;)_

It amused me that despite his feeble taunts, Louis seemed to do the same. Also, winky face; I texted back hurriedly

 

_To: Lou_

_From: Harry_

_Be there in 5_

I grabbed my coat and half-walked, half-ran out of the flat. Louis’ use of the winky face had, in the past, proved to be quite specific. It had become a bit of a code between us, I thought, though I’d never asked if he did it with the intent of implying being really horny, or if he just always expressed that with a winky face, unknowingly. Of course, that usually wasn’t my focus whenever one did show up.

I walked quickly – it was too light out to run, but even if there was something a little weird about some teenager powerwalking with a purpose, nobody seemed to mind, and there was hardly anything supernatural about early afternoon booty calls, not that the passers-by knew about that. Hopefully. I had, at times, been told that I had a rather uncontrolled and expressive face. Louis was all mysterious, or tried to act like it, but I could read him too, usually.

And I knew how that boy used his emoticons.

I self-consciously fixed my fringe outside his door, then knocked. He opened the door almost immediately.

“Hi,” he said, eyes bright and boring into mine with undisguised want.

“Hey,” I replied. He yanked me inside and spun us around, kicking the door shut behind him as I leant down to kiss him. He licked his way into my mouth and I moaned into his – the things that tongue could do. It was hot and messy, but I kissed back with the same fervour. Louis brushed up against my leg, already half-hard.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom, hey?”

“Yep,” I said, breathless. We could have gotten there faster, but the inefficient snogging was more important. He pushed me back onto his bed and I pulled him down with me. He smirked, then went back to snogging the living daylights out of me. He ground his hips down and I groaned. “Lou…”

Louis kept it up, moaning a little himself. “Hey. Shirts off,” he ordered.

I obliged as he sat up, straddling my hips as he pulled off his shirt. He kissed me again, sucking my tongue into his mouth. I moaned again.

“You make the most delicious sounds, you know that?” Louis said. I didn’t have much time to react before he continued his attack on my mouth, grinding down again. Feeling confident, I slowly moved the hand that was on his back down to his ass.

“Frisky, are we?” His words were punctuated with hard breaths. Louis hardly ever lost his cool – it was safe to say I _loved_ to hear it when he did. “Well, I had an idea,” he began, losing a touch of the confidence for nervousness.

“Yeah?” I was genuinely curious now. Also insanely turned on.

“I was thinking. What haven’t we tried.”

I sat up more, leaning back on my elbows. Louis was actually nervous. “What were you thinking?”

He ducked his head and leant around behind him to grab something from his bedside table drawer, then held up a condom and a bottle of lube with a questioning sort of smile. I frowned for a second, then smiled back. “Well, you’re certainly prepared. You want us to, uh…”

“Yeah? If- Only if you want to, obviously…”

“Sure, but who, uh…” I was torn between picturing Louis fucking me good and hard and Louis writhing underneath me.

“I don’t mind either way. Um. But I don’t have anything else I have to do today, and you said you only had a couple hours.” He was turning back into irritatingly observant Louis. I could feel it. “Your friends will definitely notice it if you’re walking weirdly, so…”

I rolled my hips up under Louis, who was still straddling me. “So you want _me_ to-”

He rolled his eyes. “Ugh, _yes_. Fuck me, Haz.”

I grinned. “Gladly.” I grabbed his shoulders and rolled him over, kissing him again. “You do realise I have no idea what I’m doing, right?”

“Losing the trousers seems like a good plan,” Louis suggested. I moved back to get to his waistband.

“You had to wear skinny jeans, didn’t you?” I said, undoing the fly and starting to shuck them down his hips. “You planned this, but you didn’t think that maybe I could just yank down a pair of sweats,” I complained, still pulling down his jeans.

“Hey, just because I send you a winky face doesn’t mean I’ve been planning to fuck you at any given time for any given period of time. This one,” he said, lifting up his hips to help me out, “I happened to send _very_ spontaneously.”

“So they _do_ mean it’s a booty call.” I smirked, satisfied.

“You tend to need hints, ever noticed?”

I rolled my eyes. Louis frowned as I got off the bed. I pulled off my own trousers and boxers much more quickly. Louis grinned.

“Don’t wear skinny jeans, huh?”

“Shut up,” I said affectionately, grinning back as I pressed my lips to his again. “So what am I doing?”

“Uh, lube. Fingers.”

“Okay.” I squirted some into my hand and spread it over my fingers. Louis shifted his legs apart a bit. I got the hint. I pressed a finger to his hole, smearing some of the lube there before slowly pushing in. “Jeez, you’re warm.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of a human thing.” I had the first finger all the way in, so I started moving it.

“Just tell me if it hurts, okay?”

“Doesn’t,” Louis said. I kept thrusting my finger in and out of him. “Kind of weird, is all.”

He was starting to push back down onto my hand a bit, so I added a second finger, scissoring him open. Louis sighed happily. I starting kissing his thighs, his hips. I could see him getting into it, breath stuttering more after it had calmed, squirming around my fingers. So hot and tight…

I added a third finger as I licked his cock from base to tip. “H- _Haz-”_ I smirked. Fuck, that was hot. “Just fuck me already,” Louis demanded.

I winked as I pulled out and grabbed the condom packet, clumsily ripping it open with sticky fingers and rolling it on. “You sure about this?” I asked.

“Yeah.” I kissed him again, then grabbed the bottle of lube and slicked up my cock. I frowned.

“Um, roll over maybe?”

“I wanted to see you… Lie down on your back.” I did as he asked, confused until he moved over me, grabbed my cock and slowly sank down on it.

“ _Lou_ ,” I moaned. He was so warm and tight, ass pressed down against my hips. He sat there for a bit as I relished in the feeling, probably needing the time to adjust.

“Damn, you’re big,” Louis said, breathless again. He pulled himself up, and dropped back down again. He did it again, fucking himself on my cock, trying to work out what felt best. I moved my hands to his hips, guiding them down as I thrust upwards. Louis moaned.

‘Yes, yes, _that_ \- Keep doing that-”

“Fuck, you’re so good, you’re so good Lou.” I shifted under him, trying to find a more comfortable position when Louis fucking _whimpered_.

“Right there, Haz, don’t stop, oh god, _right there_!”

I groaned, fucking up into him hard and fast. I wasn’t going to last much longer, and from the sounds of it, neither was he. I could feel the tension building, heat pooling low in my abdomen. Another few thrusts and Louis was clenching around me, coming in thick spurts over my chest. “ _Harry-_ ”

“Lou!” I cried, spilling into him. We lay there, panting in each other’s arms. After a while, Louis pulled off and rolled to the side. I groaned, oversensitive, and pulled off the condom, tying a knot and tossing it over to the bin.

Louis snuggled into my side. “Well, that was pretty damn awesome,” he commented.

I smiled. “You seriously have to do that to me sometime.”

“Definitely.”


	26. Human

“I should probably go.”

Louis sighed. “Where to?” he asked, snuggled up against my back, arm thrown over my waist.

“Remember Perrie wanted us to invite the gang to her Christmas party?”

“Yeah?”

“I figured Zayn would want to go. Niall is too on edge with me right now to ask him, or even Liam, but Zayn… He likes to live a little, I guess.”

“Do you want him to go?” Louis asked, pressing little kisses along my spine.

“Perrie wants to meet people. I think they’d get along well,” I mused.

“ _Harry,_ ” he complained. “Do you want him to be there, or are you just inviting him out of courtesy to Perrie?”

I thought for a moment. “I do want him there. Aside from the fact that you never get to hang out with some of my friends while I’m also there, I do actually like Zayn. He’s helped me through all of this too, you know,” I added.

“Okay then.” Louis hugged me tighter, seemingly satisfied by that answer.

I turned my head around curiously, trying to see his face and effectively killing that cuddle.

“What?”

“I thought you liked Zayn,” I said.

“I do.”

“So?”

“Just trying to make sure you’re inviting him because you wanted to and not because you felt like you should.”

“You know, sometimes it’s a good thing for people to do things because they think they should. Besides, that’s never really been my problem.”

“I know,” Louis said, turning me over to look at me properly, “but that’s not exactly what I meant. How long has it been since you’ve done anything even remotely like this party?”

I frowned. “A while.”

“A very long time, I’d imagine. I want you to have a nice time, and while I fully endorse the proper party etiquette of passing on an invitation as instructed, I care more about you learning that being social with probably quite a few people can be fun than having that fun become awkward or intimidating because of Zayn. Not that I think that will happen,” he clarified, “but you never know.”

I paused for a second or two to process that. “Okay.”

“Alright. Go talk to Zayn. Then maybe come back here?”

“Maybe. I’ll text.”

“And by ‘maybe,’ you mean…?”

“Probably. Unless something weird happens. If I don’t text, assume something weird happened.”

Louis’ lips twitched. “Alright, well, see you later. Maybe.”

I smiled and pulled him in closer, hugging him properly. “Yeah. Bye.” I let go and found my clothes, got dressed and kissed Louis goodbye before heading back to the flat.

 

***

 

It was nearly half-four when I arrived, so Zayn wasn’t quite home yet, but would be soon. I sat on my bed, stared at the wall and waited to hear the door.

“Don’t text me at work.”

I turned my head slowly to look at Zayn. “You know, a little warning might be nice.”

“Yeah, well.” He shrugged. “What’s up?”

“You know Perrie, from the bakery?” I asked.

“I think you’ve mentioned her.”

“Yeah, maybe. Anyway, she’s throwing a Christmas party and wants me to bring some friends – I figured it might be your kind of scene.”

He frowned. “Christmas party? Do you mean like new year’s but a week early, or pine trees, presents and distant relatives kind of Christmas?”

“Knowing Perrie, the first one. Though she did ask us to bring some food. I don’t know, but I’d say anything Perrie tries to organise ends up as some sort of trendy booze fest.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

“I mean because she’s popular, not because she’s trashy,” I clarified. “She doesn’t have much family either, from what I’ve heard.”

Zayn thought for a moment. “Well, I do believe I’m free. You taking the human?”

“ _Zayn_.”

“What? It’s not like we associate much with any other ones. I’d think it was a compliment, being _the_ human. I didn’t just say _a_ human, now, did I?”

I sighed. It could be worse. While Liam and Niall were probably still judging the everloving crap out of me for dating a human, Zayn seemed mostly fine with it. I could put up with a little teasing, I supposed. It was only to be expected. I wasn’t sure I’d even call this “dating”, though. I loved Louis. We fucked. But outside of Noodle Box that one time, we didn’t really date. I needed a better verb for “spending most waking hours with a person while not actually going out on _date_ dates because my dietary requirements didn’t allow for dinner dates or any of the other fun things humans did over food”. It was such a social thing, so inherent to human culture. Can your partner cook? What’s your favourite ice cream flavour? Are you a cereal dude, or a toast kind of guy? We didn’t get that, so much.

“Harry?”

“Wha- oh, yeah. I’m taking Louis.”

“Hm. Alright. I’ll go with you guys,” Zayn said.

“Cool. Okay then.”

I frowned at my feet, just thinking again. Zayn left soon enough; I didn’t see him go. This was me making an effort to be human, right? This was me doing this because I wanted to be with Louis like anyone else could, wasn’t it? Or was I just trying to show myself I could fit in? To prove that I could do what I wanted? Was Louis just an extension of that?

I sunk back into my pillow. No, that wasn’t it. Not at all. I’d never been one to know myself, but then, I’d never been one to hold a semi-functional relationship with someone I loved, someone I truly cared about. I’d changed. I’d grown up.

We all had.

 

***

 

If it had occurred to me how much weather tended to impact upon human social events, I probably would have expected the snow to keep some people from the party. It was a bit petty to me, sometimes. Oh no, some tiny little bits of ice are falling from the sky. And it’s cold. And windy. Boo hoo. Grow up.

But the house was packed, and I knew I was the child here.

“Are we late?” I asked.

“You said Perrie said seven. It’s seven,” Louis replied.

“But all the _people_ , Lou. They look like they must have been here for hours, it’s so…”

“Stereotypical young adult party?” Zayn butted in. “Look, I don’t mean to imply anything, but most of these kids probably know it’s fashionable to arrive late to a party. I’d guess Perrie told you it started later to avoid you two being the loners who arrived bright and early.”

“Seriously? Are we that bad?”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “Oh.” We stood there, scared to push forward into what would surely be a testing moment for us all, but unwilling to back down from the challenge we’d set ourselves. Or, well, maybe not Zayn. I didn’t know exactly what he did in his spare time, but I wouldn’t expect this to be too far from his kind of scene.

“Should we knock?  We’re probably supposed to knock.” Louis asked.

“As the only human in this group, I think you’re probably supposed to know,” I pointed out. I could feel the bass of whatever music they had playing, and it set me on edge just a little bit more than I’d have cared to admit. “Wait, shit. We were supposed to bring food.”

“Too late now,” Zayn said, reaching out to knock.

“Should I know you?” asked the man who pulled the door open, looking us over with confusion and the subdued hostility of a moderately drunk person with asshole-ish tendencies scrawled on his face.

“Probably not. I’m Harry, and these are my mates, Louis and Zayn.” It was unlikely that that came out quite as well as I’d pictured it, but hey, at least I was making an effort.

The man’s face slowly melted into a semblance of a smile. “I’m Tom. Always nice to see some new faces. Come on in.”

Humans were complicated enough when they weren’t inebriated. We squashed ourselves forward into the crowd.

 

***

 

It was somewhere around nine, and I could tell the party had grown in both size and intensity. Or perhaps blood alcohol content.

Some of them bounced around and ground into each other, some of them stood around laughing exaggeratedly over their cups at jokes I couldn’t have humanly heard over the music and didn’t care much to anyway. I’d never quite seen the appeal of these little functions. Zayn did, evidently; he’d left us early on to go party like a normal human being, leaving Louis and I to stand around awkwardly for a bit, before we started moving around to avoid the annoyance of a much drunker Tom.

I’d lost Louis pretty recently. I knew he’d still be somewhere in the party, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. I could try to smell for him, but I’d really need my fangs out for-

Oh. Shit.

It had been much too long since I’d last fed to be quite so close to so many humans at once. Sure, if I’d wanted to find Louis, I’d need my fangs out. So much blood everywhere, so many flavours, trying to pick out one particular one, whether or not I knew it, might prove difficult without the sensory enhancement. Not that I had much choice about that anymore; they were out, and they weren’t going back.

Like I said. Shit.

Priority number one had now shifted from finding Louis to getting out of here. I just needed some fresh air – inside was claustrophobic now, and I needed to clear my head. I stopped breathing and slowly pushed through the crowd to the back door.

Louis sat on a step, back to me, just undercover. I could see a few windblown snowflakes settle in his hair anyway. I took a deep quiet breath, relishing in the freshness of it and the comparative quiet as fangs slid back where they belonged.

“Party not really your scene either, huh?”

He shifted, turning around to face me with half a smile. “Guess not. It’s been a while. How are you holding up?”

“Mentally? Not so bad,” I replied.

“But…?”

“It’s been a long time since I last, uh…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It’s tolerable, just a little distracting, and then there’s so much around me-” I stopped. I didn’t want to scare Louis unnecessarily, even though he’d already been so blasé about me before.

“I get it,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I don’t get it. Not like that. But you don’t need to censor this stuff from me, okay?”

“You’re human too, you know.”

“Sure, but you’re not going to lose control and attack me now any more than you would have done the same to someone back inside, are you? It’s just distracting, and if you couldn’t handle it, you’d leave. I know you, Harry. You don’t hurt your friends.”

“I did leave. You followed,” I pointed out.

Louis raised his hand to my face, fingers lightly touching my lips. I stiffened. “Sorry, am I distracting you?” he asked teasingly, dropping his hand.

“A bit, yeah,” I said. He brought the hand back, caressing my cheek, my jaw. I froze, not daring to move.

“I am a bit close, aren’t I? Bet I smell pretty good to you right now.” I fought with my fangs. I lost, cringing.

“Lou,” I warned. He smirked, noticing my eyes. Louis was not food. Louis was not food. Louis was _not_ food. “You’re not making this easy,” I complained. I tried not to breathe after that. I’d run away if I had to.

“Oh, just bite me already. You’re obviously not holding it together, and I was trying to lighten the mood, but you kind of froze up.” Louis held his wrist up under my nose. “Vampire spit has healing properties, right? I’ll be fine.”

I frowned. “How did you know?”

“Well, for one, I had really terribly chapped lips when we first met, and now they’re all smooth. There was no Chapstick involved, I know that much. Also Zayn mentioned it.”

“What? When?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Last week, maybe?”

“You guys talk?”

“Yes.”

“About vampire stuff?”

“I figure it’s probably good to know, what with my boyfriend being one, and all.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?”

“Because you hate it. Zayn doesn’t mind being a vampire, and doesn’t believe in keeping people from information.”

“I-” I didn’t really know what to say about that. “I guess he didn’t tell you you’re much more likely to snap a tendon if you go for the wrist, did he?”

“No,” Louis admitted.

“Vampire spit will heal skin okay, but it doesn’t magically fix everything. Neck is better because you don’t have to do so much with it.”

“Huh,” Louis said, satisfied with the new information. “Much bigger artery too, I’m guessing?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, but what do you know about arteries, Lou?”

“They’re the ones with the oxygenated blood, right?”

“Yes, and they also have much higher pressure than veins, so they’re really messy, not to mention dangerous if you’re trying _not_ to kill the human.”

“Ah. Sounds like you know what you’re doing, then.” He tilted his head to one side and moved in closer.

“ _Louis_ ,” I hissed. It was muffled a bit by my fangs.

“ _Harry_ ,” he hissed back. “You need to get over your fear of killing me, and you need to stop hating yourself for what you are. Plus, if not me, you’re going to feed off somebody tonight. You’re starving, and I can see it.”

“I don’t hate myself,” I said.

Louis straightened up, looking deep into my eyes, searching. He smiled genuinely. “You don’t.”

“Not really, no.”

He jumped up at me then. I caught his waist in my arms as he threw his around me. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I mumbled into his shoulder.

“I trust you,” Louis said. “Bite me.”

It was too much. “Okay.”

I pressed my lips to his neck, and he moved his head to give me better access as I shifted around to find the right spot before biting down.

I felt him flinch. I drank slowly, despite my thirst; I needed to watch his reactions, or, feel them - needed to make sure he was okay. I savoured the taste, licking around where my fangs sank into his flesh. It was heavenly – I hadn’t drank live in so long, and I’d always known Louis would taste good, as much as I’d avoided thinking about it. He made a noise, and I was brought back to the situation at hand. I quickly pulled my fangs out and licked at the wound.

“Shit, sorry,” I said. “Are you okay?” I kept licking his neck.

“I’m fine. I don’t think you got much, but I’m fine.” I squinted suspiciously at him for a moment, then pulled him in for a hug.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“I don’t mind at all,” he murmured.

 

***

 

“In fact, I kind of liked it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I'm alive. Basically I discovered the wonder of high school physics. Total number of chapters is estimated but I figured you guys might like to know that this is slowly wrapping itself up. Still a bit to go, mind. You didn't think I introduced all of those witches for nothing, did you?


	27. Strings

_“In fact, I kind of liked it.”_

We moved apart and the corner of Louis’ mouth twitched up in a half-smile while mine dropped from my face entirely. I froze.

“Haz? Don’t do this to me,” Louis started.

“ _No,_ Lou. What the hell were you thinking? What the hell was _I_ thinking? You can’t just go around pushing people into doing things to endanger you. And ‘I kind of liked it’? What, is this supposed to make me feel better about this, or something? Encourage me to have another shot at it sometime? I might not be able to change what I am, but there’s a big difference between accepting that for what it is, and embracing every dark little facet of it I’ve yet to uncover. And it’s always _your_ life on the line. I try to keep boundaries, you know. Failsafes. Things we can’t do, because I know that somewhere there is a line, and if we cross it, you’re _dead_ , Louis. Not just a little blood loss, or, God forbid, some good old manpain. You’re gone, and I’d have to live with it.”

“Harry-” Louis interrupted. I glared, and he shut up.

“And you know what the worst part of it is? You _throw_ yourself at it. My little therapist. My little on-and-off suicidal or suicidally reckless therapist, and sometimes I can’t tell the difference. I don’t think you even know it. Stop pretending you’re any better off than I am. It’s tiring, and someday maybe it _will_ get you killed.”

Louis looked up at me, tears in his eyes. “Is that really how you think I see you? As a- a _project_? Just a fixer-upper, and if that doesn’t work out, what, an escape? I mean, I realise I have problems, Harry. Don’t get me wrong, life has fucked me over too. But can’t you see that what we have is so much more?”

“Of course it is-”

“We keep _each other_ alive, Haz. We’d never work out if I wasn’t at least as messed up as you. You can lean on me like I’ve been leaning on you,” he said.

“This is different,” I objected.

“I don’t see _how_.”

“Of course you don’t. You’re human.”

“Pretend I’m not. Explain.”

I sighed. “Louis, that’s not how it works.”

“Do I look like I give a crap? No. Proceed.”

“Stop… putting your life in my hands.”

“I trust you.”

“Yes, but I don’t trust myself. I _can’t_ trust myself, because the moment I do is gonna be the moment I fuck it all up. What should scare you about me just _doesn’t_ , so I have to worry about it for you. Just tonight, for example. You really pushed yourself onto me, and I didn’t resist, and look what happened.”

“I’m alive and well.”

“But there was every possibility that you wouldn’t have been, and you threw yourself at it. I came out here to avoid the temptation, and you shoved it in my face. Risking your own neck, as usual.”

“That was my choice.”

“It’s not just your choice to make, you know. I have to live with the consequences too. Not just me, even. You still have a family. How long has it been since you’ve even spoken to them, anyway?”

Louis stayed quiet.

“We’re different, Lou. Fundamentally not meant to be together. I used to be human, maybe, but that was over fifty years ago and honestly I don’t know how we’ve managed to relate at all. What do we even have in common?”

He smiled briefly and slid closer to me. “Shall I make a list?”

“Okay?”

“Well, we’re both bloody messed up, for one. We love each other,” I frowned slightly. “and we love each other’s dicks.”

I rolled my eyes.

“And we keep each other sane in more ways than one.”

“I suppose.”

“But more than that? We need each other. We’d both be dead without the other.”

“That’s survival, Lou. But are we really _living_?”

Louis pulled my hand into his, toying with my fingers. I let him. “Maybe not,” he admitted. “Not all of the time. But it’s a start.”

“I just… Sometimes I worry we’ll never really understand each other, you know?”

“Is it even possible to truly understand another person?”

“I don’t know. I bet it would help if we were the same species though,” I pointed out.

“Well, it’s certainly not in _my_ area of expertise, but I was under the impression that we could be,” Louis commented.

“If there was a way to be human again, I like to think I would have heard about it by now. Unfortunately, knowing you, that’s not what you were implying at all.”

“No.”

I sighed and leant back on my elbows, looking out into the snow. “You’ve seen me try to cope for just a few months after decades to get used to it. I’ll admit I’m crap at it, but to even consider that… It hurts, Lou. I couldn’t put you through this.”

“It would be quite a lot harder to kill me,” Louis mused.

“It’s not worth it. Being a vampire? I mean, there are perks, I suppose, but I don’t think you’re really appreciating humanity for all that it is, Lou.”

Louis hesitated before replying. “Do you ever wonder if maybe we’re not all you’ve built us up to be? You worry about killing a few of us for food, but we regularly slaughter our own kind over some of the silliest things, and for the most part, we’re too tied up in our own realities to do anything about it, even if we say we care. We’re flawed too, Harry. Sure, some of us are amazing people; I’m not denying that, but some of us are truly despicable, and as a whole? We’re destroying our own home. We’re ungrateful, we’re honestly terrible at empathising with even our own kind. Everything’s about bigger and better and _more_ with us while there are others suffering and dying everywhere because of it. We’re greedy, our culture’s practically based upon envy, we’re lazy, we’re wrathful and we’re too damn proud for our own good. Hell, we’re the biggest bunch of sinners imaginable, just some of us try to deny it. What am I missing? What am I not appreciating?” he asked.

I raised my eyebrows. Well, if that wasn’t the biggest shutdown of humanity I’d ever heard. Still, he didn’t get it. “Hope,” I said.

“Hope?”

“Yeah. Hope. That’s the difference. See, humans, well, most of them are pretty crappy people, but they’re not all bad, you know? There’s no such thing as pure evil, right? Not even in vampires. But you lot, you try to make all the shit you go through better. For the most part, you work towards some unrealistic goal. You think, if you just try hard enough, you can do anything. You can get rich, you can lose five pounds, hell, you can change the world, and if life tells you you can’t? Fuck that. You’re still gonna try. As a people, you little suckers just don’t give up.

“Us, though? We just lead the same lives, day in, day out. We don’t make an effort, we don’t break the peace because we _can’t_. When you lose your humanity, you lose all hope.”

Louis shifted, raising an eyebrow, just a hint of a smirk to his lips. “Bullshit.”

“Lou-”

“No, _bullshit_. That little speech of yours? Dude, I _know_ you know the sorts of shit our world gets up to, and while you your probably know your own a little better than mine, you can’t accept that sort of shit and still think we have hope without having some of your own. There’s hope for all of us, Harry, and you can see it too. Seems to me like you just aren’t looking. ‘If you look for the light, you will find it, but if you look for the dark, it is all you will ever see,’ right? You know who said that?”

“No,” I admitted.

Louis huffed. “Yeah, me neither. Sounds like Dumbledore, but I’d bet it’s something more obscure. Anyway, point is, you are one of the most hopeful people I’ve ever met. It’s a little misplaced sometimes, but it’s there. You know who the most hopeful person I’ve ever met is, Haz?”

I shook my head.

“Zayn. That guy has been through the sort of shit I don’t blame him for almost not making it through, but he has, and he’s realised that now, and it’s beautiful. Plus he’s so chill all the time. I like his attitude,” Lou commented.

“Yeah, Zayn is pretty fabulous,” I conceded.

“I don’t know too many vampires, Harry, but if we ignore the technicalities, you’re all human on the inside to me.”

“You mean the technicalities of immortality and murder? Yeah, no offense Lou, I can buy the hope thing, but the technicalities are kind of what makes the difference.”

Louis frowned. “I didn’t mean it like that, exactly. You’re not human, no. Not quite. But what lives inside here?” he said, lightly touching the side of my head. “That’s human. Some pretty altered life experiences to deal with, but human enough regardless.  I refuse to believe otherwise.”

Wow. That, that was… well, that was Louis, pure and simple. Turning lost souls around to see the light. I smiled, and he smiled back. I pulled him in for a kiss; nothing heated, but full of affection, all things we couldn’t put into words. I loved him, and he loved me, vampire or not.

I could love him too.

Vampire or not.

 

***

 

_“You asked me to watch them, remember?”_

_“You’ve stayed there this whole time? I’d completely for- Oh, well. Anything significant?”_

_“Maybe. They don’t seem to be planning an attack, though they were bracing for one.”_

_“Why would they be bracing for an attack at all?”_

_“You do remember they saw me, right?”_

_“Oh! Yes. So how is that significant, anyway? They’re_ not _doing anything interesting?”_

_“I figured it was relevant. But that’s not what I came to speak with you about, actually.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“You’ve met Jay’s son?”_

_“No, I wasn’t aware she had one.”_

_“Well, she does. And guess who’s been visiting the coven?”_

_“No…”_

_“Little Louis Tomlinson’s all grown up and gotten himself a boyfriend.”_

_“_ What? _How- How do you even know it’s him?”_

_“I watch people, M, it’s what I do. I have to be familiar with everyone.”_

_“Which one of the vampires?”_

_“Harry.”_

_“Their second-in-command, isn’t he?”_

_“Probably. Though they’re not as structured as us, I believe.”_

_“How bad is it?”_

_“They’re close. Really close. I almost told Jay myself, but I thought you should hear it first.”_

_“Well, we have to tell her. That’s her child, whether or not he’s one of us. It would be wrong to exclude her from proceedings.”_

_“Of course. But what are we going to do?”_

_“I… Whatever we do, it’s going to affect more than just Jay. If we’re not careful, we’ll start a war.”_

_“And if… If he turns him?”_

_“If Tomlinson turns? Lillith help us, if he turns, it’s over. No more hiding away, no more running. There’ll be blood.”_

***

 

“I mean, do you even want to be a vampire?” I asked. We were lounged across Louis’ couch, half-watching years-old Friends reruns.

“I thought it was kind of implied. I want to be with you, don’t I?” Lou replied.

“This isn’t enough?”

 

***

 

_Tears threatening to spill._

_She held them back with a resolute frown._

_“No. No, this can’t be.”_

_“I’m sorry, Jay. I saw it with my own two eyes.”_

***

 

“Oh- _oh fuck,_  Lou, fuck me, so good, so good-”

“Fuck, Harry, so beautiful like this, fuck…”

 

***

 

 _“But, you’re saying they’re …_ together? _I know my son, Scar. He wouldn’t. I mean, he’s not even gay!”_

_“Have you spoken to him at all in the last year?”_

_“He’s my_ son. _I love him more than anything in the world.”_

_“But do you really know him?”_

_***_

“Of course it’s enough, Harry. I’ll love you for as long as I live, either way.”

 

***

 

 _“Of course I do. You don’t think- You don’t think he could be being_ forced _into this, do you? Trying to get more information on us, maybe?”_

_“Maybe, but I doubt it. That’s a worst case scenario. More likely he’s just horny and really, really dumb.”_

***

 

“As long as we both shall live, huh?” I asked, smirking.

Louis frowned. “Did you just propose?”

“What? Um, no? Did you want me to? Cause it kinda sounded like you just did-”

“No, I wasn’t thinking of it like that, I mean, did you want me to?”

I thought for a moment. “Uh, well, if you want to, then, well, forever-”

“I’d love to.” Louis grinned, then pulled me in, lips moving against mine with a passion akin to triumph.

“Unfortunately,” he said, “it _is_ the eighteenth of December, 2013, and England has yet to pass same-sex marriage laws.”

“Oh. Right. That. Fuck, I forgot.”

“Plus I think you’re technically an illegal immigrant with no paperwork, who should really stick to having no paperwork for the benefit of his own species.”

“Yeah, that. This is never gonna happen, officially, is it?”

He sighed. “Nope.”

I sighed.

“We could get each other rings?” Louis suggested.

“We’re both broke, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. Well, maybe sometime in the future.”

“Sure.”

“Wanna have celebratory almost-engagement sex?”

“Fuck yeah.”

 

***

 

_“So what are we going to do about this, then? We can’t just leave him with them.”_

_“Jay, we’re working on it. But you have to understand that this is a very delicate situation. Scarlett’s tailing Louis specifically now, and we’ve got Alice covering the rest for now.”_

_“Two? That’s all you could spare? Do you care about Louis at all? Even the tiniest little bit?”_

_“For Lilith’s sake, Johanna. Remember your place.”_

_“Apologies, M.”_

_“I might remind you, also, that our numbers are limited. These are good girls, Jay. They know what they’re doing.”_

_“I sure hope so.”_

_***_

“Where are you taking me?”

“Come on, it’s a surprise,” Louis said, tugging me along with a grin on his face and an excitement in his eyes I’d never get enough of. The sun shone down on us, a good omen throwing the stark whiteness of the December snow aglow against the grey of the bitumen.

We slowed to a stop in an alleyway.

Wait. “This is where we first met.”

“Yup.”

“Real romantic, Lou.”

“Shhh, don’t judge just yet. Now, I know we can’t do this officially, but I thought this might be nice instead,” Lou explained, taking both of my hands in his.

“Is this what I think-”

“Harold Edward Styles.” I shut up. “I love you. I’ve loved you for a while now, and I’d like to love you for a while longer. The rest of my life would be a start.”

I raised an eyebrow, hardly able to keep the smile off of my face.

“I want to be with you for all of it. I want to be there for you. I want to pull you through the tough times, and run with you through the good ones, and I promise to love you through every second of it.”

My heart swelled. This was it. This was the man I wanted to spend my life with. He loved me. To think I’d ever thought of myself as unlucky.

“Louis William Tomlinson.”

I took a deep breath.

“You’ve changed my life for good. I loved you before I really knew what love was. You’ve opened up my mind, and I know I’m a better person because I met you. I’ve heard it said that there are people in our lives for a reason, and though I’ve never been one to believe in fate, I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.

“You’ve been there for me, and I’ve been there for you. We can lean on each other. I love you more than anything, and I’d love to spend the rest of my life with you, and I promise to love you for every second of it.”

I leant down and caught Louis’ mouth in a passionate kiss. It wasn’t dirty at all; not about sex, just love. Pure and simple.

 

***

 

_Contact list._

_Call._

_Voicemail._

 

_Beep._

_“M? This is urgent. Call me back as soon as you get this. Little Tomlinson’s been bitten.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo...  
> That was a big one. I'm alive, by the way. Lost access to a computer for a few weeks there but I won't pretend that's why updates are so slow.  
> The timeline is jumpy in this chapter, but I felt like it worked how it was meant to. (tell me if not)  
> By the way, the original timeline for this story was starting in September 2013ish (I did specify) so now we're getting very close to Christmas/Louis' birthday that year.  
> Nearly at 3k reads so thanks to everyone who's still around - we're looking at probably two or three chapters after this, so it'll be nice to finish after pretty much two years. sigh. Hope you enjoyed =)


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